


Heavy is the Head

by Haleyb333



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 81,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7576636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haleyb333/pseuds/Haleyb333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a royal!AU! Growing up a prince was just normal life to Alec. But now that he's of age, now that Clary has been thrown into his world, his life begins changing so quickly that he can't seem to make sense of it anymore. Now he has to decide whether to follow his heart or his duty, and his only hope is that he can make his decision before his world is ripped apart for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Alec could hear Isabelle's screams, but no matter where he looked, he couldn't find her. He knew she was somewhere in the Institute, he knew that she was terribly close to him, but nothing he did brought him any closer to finding her. Each and every scream tore through him, shattering his heart even more. He was her protector; he was supposed to be the one person who could keep her safe no matter what. And right now he was failing so miserably at protecting her, now she was in pain and he was aimlessly running around the Institute trying to find her._

_The longer he searched, the crazier he felt himself becoming. Why wasn't anyone else searching for her? Why was he the only one who seemed to care enough to even try to help Isabelle? Why was he so terrible at protecting his family? Alec turned the corner to see that the training room doors were shut, even though they'd been wide open the last time he'd run through. He practically flung himself at the doors, knowing they were locked even before he did so. Alec tried everything he could think of, but even the unlocking runes weren't working, and Isabelle's screams were becoming more and more desperate._

_It wasn't long before Alec had resigned to beating on the door, his willpower diminishing by the second. His legs gave out and he hit the floor when Isabelle began screaming for him, her wordless screams suddenly turning into his name. Alec had no idea what was happening to her, but that didn't matter. He didn't need to know the specifics to know that his little sister needed him. And he wasn't by her side. He was a very pathetic excuse for a rescue mission, the last person Isabelle should put her faith in. Isabelle's screams suddenly cut short and-_

Alec woke with a start, sitting up in bed so that he could better catch his breath. When the door creaked open, Alec knew he'd likely been yelling something because of his dream. That was the only thing that would bring Isabelle to his room in the middle of the night. And here she was, sitting down on the edge of his bed, taking his hand ever so gently, her eyes filled with worry. "Are you okay?" she asked, and Alec almost snorted. He was supposed to take care of her, but more often than not, she could be found doing things like this, taking care of him when no one else was there to do it.

Moving so that she could come sit on the bed beside of him like he knew she wanted to do, Alec mustered up all the courage he could before responding. "It was just a nightmare, Izzy," he said, forcing his voice to be as easy and carefree as he could. "I'll be fine, you know that." Isabelle moved to rest her head on his shoulder, and Alec knew there was no turning back. For as long as he could remember, Isabelle had been the one who would help him through his nightmares. They all knew why he'd begun having nightmares, but Isabelle was the only one who had ever actually made any effort to help comfort him when he had them.

Isabelle was silent for several minutes, and Alec began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep. Just when Alec had almost confirmed that she had, Izzy spoke up again. "Happy birthday," she said, and this time Alec did snort. He hated his birthday more than anything, despised it even. It simply wasn't the same anymore, and he hated the reminder of all that he'd lost. Isabelle very well knew this, so she only squeezed Alec's hand tighter. The last thing Alec wanted to do was wake up and face the day ahead of him, but he was able to fall back asleep with Isabelle by his side, pulling on the strength his sister always gave him.

.

.

.

Getting up the next morning was much harder for Alec than it normally was. Since he had turned eighteen today, his day would be packed full of meetings and paperwork and interviews. All of which he wanted nothing to do with. But all of which he would put a smile on his face and act like the perfect little prince for. Just like he always did. Just like he always had to. Because no matter how much Alec wanted to deny it, he was the Clave's prince, and now that he was eighteen, he was the official heir to the throne. Even if taking the throne after his father was the last thing he wanted to do with his life.

But if Alec had learned anything in his life, it was that sacrifices had to be made. Especially when it came to his family. So he got out of bed, not at all surprised to see Isabelle coming back in his room, the clothes he was supposed to wear for the day hung over her arm. She knew how much he hated their royalty, so she'd taken to helping him get ready for days like these instead of letting the "helpers" that were assigned to them. "You ready for today?" she asked as he moved toward the bathroom.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied, changing into the clothes Izzy had brought without really thinking about what he was doing. He didn't try to hide anything from her, not in the way he hid things from Jace and Max. But that was mostly because he knew that she would be able to see through it. "I'll put on the same façade I always do. I'll smile every time someone says, 'Your Highness.' I'll laugh when the noblemen from the Clave make the most idiot of jokes. I'll do everything I'm supposed to do," Alec finished, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Before Isabelle could respond, Alec heard Max's voice. "Happy birthday," he said, his voice soft and careful, as though he didn't want to overstep himself. Alec stepped out of the bathroom and moved to pick Max up and kiss his cheek, smiling at his little brother's giggles before putting him back down. Max was the last person Alec would allow himself to be angry with today. There were some things that Max simply didn't understand, and the reason he hated his birthday so much, the reason he hated their royalty with everything he had were things Max wouldn't understand until he was older.

Alec barely understood all of it himself, but he forced himself to leave his room regardless of how he was feeling deep down inside. He knew what he had to do, and he wasn't going to let his emotions get in the way of that. What Alec really wanted to do was turn around and go back to bed, to not have to spend his day being someone he wasn't. But Alec went to breakfast, he greeted the noblemen with a smile on his face, he acted as though being there was the best thing that could ever happen to him on his birthday.

After breakfast Alec knew there was going to be meeting after meeting, and his hand absentmindedly went to the ring that he always wore on a chain around his neck. He looked at Izzy across the table, trying to draw strength from the only two things he ever truly drew any strength from. As always, Isabelle looked as happy as ever, plastering a smile on her face much in the same way that Alec always had. From birth, being royalty had been their full time job, so Alec wasn't surprised as he watched Isabelle act just the way he was acting, both of them hiding everything they had bottled up because that was what was expected of them.

So Alec walked to the first of the meetings sandwiched in between Jace and Isabelle, trying to keep his mind off of everything that was happening around him. He would simply do what he had to do, then he would allow himself to actually think about things later. But only when he was alone, only when he had the chance to process everything that was happening without the prying eyes of the Clave members around him. That process had worked for Alec for years now, and he wasn't about to stop using it now.

As always, the first thing Alec did when he entered the meeting room was to go around and greet all of the noblemen. There were a lot of "Good to see you"s and smiles that were much wider than they should have been. But Alec continued on, slightly amused when he wondered if any of them actually realized that he was lying to their faces. And yet Alec was terribly surprised when his smile turned from being forced to actually being a wonderfully genuine one. "Lydia!" Alec said, moving to Lydia's side without a second thought. "I'm so glad you're here," he said, meaning every last word of it. "It's good to see you again." Alec moved to hug her, immensely glad that there was such a welcome face in the crowd.

"Are you really happy to see me?" Lydia asked, not even beginning to try to hide the mischief in her voice. "Or is this your façade?" she asked, lowering her voice so that the noblemen around them wouldn't hear her. For the first time that day, Alec laughed. Well, that was not technically true if you counted how many times he'd forced himself to laugh already. But it was decidedly the first time he had genuinely laughed because he truly wanted to, and Alec appreciated Lydia for that beyond belief. "Now sit down, Your Highness. It's your time to shine," Lydia finished, and Alec knew that he would be the only one who could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

Lydia was only a year older than him, but that meant that Alec couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been around them. Her entire family had always been close to his, so they'd been close to being best friends seemingly since Alec had been born. And it was at times like these that Alec was almost certain that Lydia was the only person outside of his siblings who actually understood him, who actually understood how desperately he wanted this day to be over. That was partially because Lydia knew a lot about the lives of the royals, being the daughter of a Clave nobleman, she didn't have much choice but to be heavily involved in the Clave and the royal line. Just like Alec didn't have a choice either.

Alec thought he was going to be fine to get through the meeting, and he somehow miraculously was. He managed to get through most of the day with minimal pain. But then he hit the final thing he had to do for the day, and he wasn't sure how well he was going to handle it. Alec had to go accept his throne. Now that he was eighteen, he had to swear to take the throne when it was his time to do so. He would make his vows, saying that as the prince of the Clave, he would promise to one day become their king. And that was something Alec did not want in any way. But it was his duty. And he'd learned from a very young age that he had to separate his wishes as Alec and his duties as Prince Alexander.

So Alec grabbed the ring once more when they started asking him to make his vows, biting down on everything that was telling him to run away from the situation. "I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, do hereby-" Alec's voice caught, thoughts of his family running through his mind without any control. He tamped them down, looking at Jace for direction without really meaning to. When Jace ever so slightly nodded his head, Alec took a deep breath, diving back in to everything he knew he had to do. "Do hereby swear my allegiance to the Clave. I promise to uphold the values of the Clave and to strive to do whatever is in their best interest. I will take my rightful place on the throne when it is my time to do so, taking my throne in the name of the Clave until the end of my days."

As soon as the ceremony was done, Alec rushed out of the room. There was no need for him to stay any longer. His parents were the ones who would stay and mingle with the noblemen who would congratulate them on the fact that their son, the new heir to the throne, had finally come of age. Alec moved away from Isabelle when she tried to stop him to speak with her, knowing that she would understand that he simply had to get out of there. Alec didn't stop until he was in the greenhouse, closing his eyes as he all but fell to the ground in his favorite spot by the creek. His only hope was that he could clear his mind and erase all the grief and pain he was feeling before he needed to do something related to his new duties as heir to the throne.

.

.

.

**Before**

"Gabriel?" Alec asked, his voice soft, not wanting to disturb the peace of the greenhouse. "What are you doing in here? The party is still going." Alec looked at his older brother with the open gentleness that his seven-year-old self could generally be found using. Gabriel looked up from where he sat by the edge of the creek, his arms wrapped around his knees as though he was trying to hold himself together. He smiled at Alec, but Alec didn't let that fool him for a second. He knew when his big brother was trying to trick him, and he could tell that this was one of those times. So he sat down beside of Gabriel, willing himself to be able to help his brother with his pain for once in his life.

"I just needed some fresh air, Alec," Gabriel responded, his voice very carefully guarded. Alec couldn't tell what Gabriel was feeling, but he knew that Gabriel was lying to him. "It's really stuffy in there right now because it's so crowded, so I just thought I'd take a break for a few minutes." Alec knew that if he asked Gabriel why he was lying that he would simply say that he was protecting Alec, that it wasn't anything Alec needed to worry about. So for several minutes, Alec simply sat beside of his brother, his anger and frustration building the longer he tried to figure out how to help Gabriel.

After a few minutes of silence, Gabriel moved to pick Alec up and place him in his lap, wrapping his arms around Alec almost as though Alec was the one who needed comfort at the moment. "Can I tell you something, Alec?" he asked, his voice much quieter than it had been before. Alec simply nodded, scared of what his brother might be about to say. "I don't want to be a prince," Gabriel said, spitting it out as though it was poison on his lips. "All the ceremony, and for what? A corrupt Clave that only cares about the Shadowhunters? I hate having to be the perfect little prince all the time. Why is so much expected of us just because we're royal? Our blood doesn't make us any different from the other Shadowhunters; it doesn't even make us much different from Downworlders. Alec, I'd give anything to get out of being king one day."

Alec whirled around on his brother then, suddenly terrified of the turn this conversation was taking. "Don't say that, Gabriel," he pleaded, holding onto his brother as though he was the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment. "I need you here. I love you so much. You're my big brother. You can't leave me. Gabriel, please." Gabriel moved to kiss the top of Alec's head, obviously understanding that Alec clearly thought he was planning on abdicating, of shutting himself out from the rest of the Shadow World simply because he didn't want to take the throne one day.

"I'm not going to leave you, Alec," Gabriel finally replied, the gentleness in his voice soothing Alec only ever so slightly. "Don't you dare worry about that. Now let's get back to the party before someone notices we're gone and works up a fuss because of it," he finished, getting up and taking Alec's hand before Alec had time to protest. Alec couldn't help but giggle when Gabriel held the door to the greenhouse open for him, bowing and saying, "After you, Prince Alexander."


	2. Chapter 2

Alec welcomed the distraction of a routine mission with open arms. He'd spent the day moping around, the way he'd become accustomed to doing after his birthday each year. Yet this year seemed so much harder than any of the past years had ever been before. Alec often needed to be alone when he felt the way he currently did, but the thought of the mission before him made Alec actively seek Jace out, hoping to distract himself even further with talk of their plan for the night. His body was already buzzing with anticipation at the thought of the fight they were likely to have, and Alec knew he had to get himself moving.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked as soon as Alec walked into the weapons room. Alec had no idea of how to respond at first. Part of him desperately wanted to tell Jace everything, to simply come clean of all the feelings he'd been bottling up inside of him over the past couple of days. But the other part of him wanted to continue bottling it up. After nine years of working so carefully to learn to keep his true emotions hidden from those around him, Alec found it very hard to honestly respond to questions like the one Jace had just asked him. "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to," Jace finally said, looking back down at the weapons he was preparing. "I just thought you might need someone to talk to."

Alec moved to stand beside of Jace, reaching for several arrows so that he could rune them for battle. "I'm the same as always, Jace," Alec finally replied. "All the ceremony and polite royalness of it all just exhausted me," he said, which wasn't technically untrue. It was just that he wasn't telling the entire truth, and he knew Jace was likely to pick up on that. "You know how much I hate playing Prince Alexander." Jace smiled at that, reaching to help Alec with his arrows, motioning for Alec to work on his bow as well, replacing the runes for strength and aim.

Jace was the one person who had ever seemed to know that Alec's bow was not to be touched without Alec having to specifically tell him to keep from doing so. And that was one of the many reasons Alec had eventually asked Jace to become his parabatai; from the moment he'd arrived at the Institute, he'd seemed to understand Alec and his feelings more than even Alec understood them at times, and Alec hadn't been able to ignore that. "You seem distracted," Jace stated, his voice thoughtful. "Don't worry about being Prince Alexander for tonight and just be Alec," Jace paused for a moment, the mischief finding his voice when he continued once more. "I like him much better; he's better at killing demons."

.

.

.

Against all odds, Alec was much more relaxed when they walked into Pandemonium, his time spent with Jace being just enough of what he needed to shake him out of his terrible mood. Not to mention the thought of the mission in front of them and the comfort of being in the mundane world. He might be glamoured at the moment, but at least he knew that if he had to remove his glamor runes that he would run absolutely no risk of being recognized by anyone around him. But that was the same exact reason that demons had been targeting Pandemonium lately. Targeting a club that was also frequented by Downworlders would mean running the risk of being recognized for what they were and attracting the attention of the Shadowhunters. Except this time, they'd still attracted the attention they had been trying to avoid.

Alec watched as Isabelle removed her glamor runes, moving to hopefully lure the demon or demons in to where they could easily be taken care of. But to do that, she was going to have to pass for a mundane as long as possible while Jace and Alec scouted the area and prepared themselves to jump into the battle at any moment. Alec watched the mundanes in an almost longing way, wondering what it was like to be one of them. They seemed free of worry, having come to a place where they could let loose and be themselves, and it made Alec yearn for the ability to do the same.

But he pushed that thought aside when he realized that Isabelle was currently talking to a demon. It was currently in the shape of a mundane, but Alec knew that that could change at any moment, so he ushered Jace to Isabelle's side, moving to scout the area for other demons, just in case this one might have a hunting partner. Alec thought he was prepared for absolutely anything to happen; one or two demons was hardly a war. But he was not prepared for a mundane with the SIght to find her way into Pandemonium. So, naturally, that was exactly what happened.

He rushed to the room that Isabelle had led the demon into when he heard the girl's screams. Unfortunately, that was the exact moment the demon's hunting partner decided to seize the opportunity and rush in as well. Things were made immensely more complicated by the fact that the girl had somehow dragged her Sightless friend into the mix, making it almost impossible to warn the boy of the fact that there was a demon headed straight for him. Alec had an arrow loaded within seconds, but that was just enough time for the demon to knock the boy off of his feet, his head hitting the ground with a sickening thud. Alec released his arrow, taking out the demon before anything else could happen to the boy, but he knew that the real damage was already done.

Alec stiffened in slight annoyance when he heard the girl scream once more, and he knew that she had likely gotten in the way of Jace and Isabelle as they tried to take care of the second demon. If she got herself hurt, there was no telling what they would have to do to heal her, not to mention the fact that her friend hadn't moved since he'd hit the ground. Alec pushed up his sleeve and removed his own glamor rune as he moved to the boy's side, analyzing the situation as quickly as possible. "This is all your fault!" the girl practically screamed at Alec as she moved to her friend's side. "You had better help Simon or I'll have to call the police," she announced, making Alec snort at the thought of it.

"Listen, little girl," Jace began, moving to check the wound on her arm. Alec smiled in utter amusement at the look on Jace's face when she interrupted him to tell him that her name was Clary. "Listen, Clary," Jace amended, his voice tight and restrained. "We need to get you and Simon to the Institute. You're both hurt and you need help, and we cannot let a mundane with the SIght go running out of here without any sort of supervision. Now you need to start listening to us so we can help you; we're not the enemy here." Alec smiled as he carefully picked Simon up, wholly amused by hearing Clary's protests, saying she didn't understand half of the words he was saying.

It was entirely possible that the only thing that kept Clary from arguing with and interrogating Jace all the way to the Institute was the fact that she eventually passed out from the demon's poison. And yet this amused Alec to no end. He had absolutely no idea what was going on, and he knew that they were about to go into an unknown situation in which he would be held responsible for whatever was to happen to these two mundanes. But finally having someone around that was testing Jace and his patience with every word that came out of her mouth was so refreshing to Alec that he felt slightly guilty about it.

.

.

.

Alec spent the next hour or so trying to assure his parents that bringing SImon and Clary to the Institute was their only option. He skirted around giving an explanation as to why Jace thought it was a good idea to rune Clary in order to heal her, leaving that one to Jace because he genuinely had no idea what had brought Jace to do so. Alec dismissed himself as soon as Ragnor Fell, the warlock his parents almost always called in case of an emergency, entered to heal Simon, saying that he had some business to take care of.

The first thing Alec did was take a shower, then he all but collapsed into bed, hoping to sleep for as long as possible before having to get up and deal with the situation again. For the first time in quite a while, Alec slept without dreaming, and he counted that as a blessing as soon as he woke up. He finally felt rested enough to try to find out what kind of progress was being made in the situation with Clary, so he got up and wandered around the Institute, hoping to find someone who would know what was going on. When he saw the door to the training room was open, Alec decided to check in, wondering if there had been another mission authorized on Clary's behalf.

What he found, however, was Simon standing in there alone, holding his bow and looking at it as though he wanted to get the chance to shoot it. Before Alec could so much as think a single thought, he was across room, all but ripping the bow out of Simon's hands. "Don't ever even think of touching this again," he said, surprising himself by how cold his voice was. "Don't ever so much as breathe on this again, got it?" he asked, not at all pleased when he saw Simon's face drop. Alec hadn't meant to be so harsh with Simon, but he knew he couldn't take it back now.

"I'm sorry," Simon said, his voice seemingly indifferent to what had just happened. "Isabelle told me I could come in here and check things out while they questioned Clary. I didn't mean anything by it." The problem was that Alec knew Simon hadn't meant to overstep himself, that he hadn't had any way of knowing he was doing anything wrong. But that didn't keep Alec from becoming angry with Simon for intruding in this way, no matter how irrational he knew it might be for him to do so.

"Then Isabelle should have kept her eye on you," Alec replied, motioning for Simon to follow him out of the training room. "There's a lot you need to learn if you're going to be here for any length of time," Alec continued, trusting that Simon was following without looking back at him. "And I'm guessing that you're going to be here for much longer than either of us would like considering the fact that Clary is most definitely a Shadowhunter." Alec headed toward the library without really thinking about it. He wanted to teach Simon just enough to help Simon get by now that he'd been thrown into the Shadow World, but he didn't want to take Simon to his own room, and taking Simon somewhere infested with Clave members was also a bad idea.

Simon followed Alec without protesting, something that greatly surprised Alec at first. "If you think I have a lot to learn, then why don't you teach me?" Simon finally asked as he sat down across from Alec. "I understand a lot more than you think. I get the whole Shadowhunter thing. Isabelle taught me enough about the Downworlders. What I don't understand is your role in all of this." Alec nodded ever so slightly, acknowledging what Simon had just said.

"I'm the eldest prince of the Clave," Alec began, trying to think of the best way to explain everything to someone with no prior knowledge of it. "The royal line was put into place by Jonathan Shadowhunter, the first Shadowhunter to ever live. He established the Clave as the governing body, a way to organize ourselves and make peace when needed. But he established the royal line as the reigning authority of it all. Think of it like Britain's government. Except the King and Queen of the Clave still have the ability to make political decisions and to dictate the Clave the way they see fit. Both of them are in place to help balance each other out."

Simon was thoughtful for several seconds, and Alec idly wondered if anything he'd said made sense. But before Simon had the chance to ask any questions, Jace was at the door, motioning for Alec to come speak with him. "We have to take Clary to the Silent City," he said, his voice tight and controlled. "Ragnor seems to think that that's the only way to see how we might find the truth. He suspects that there's a block in her mind, but we won't know until the Silent Brothers at least try to access her memories for her." Alec smiled when Simon launched into his questions for Jace, amused by the annoyance Jace seemed to feel at the very first word out of Simon's mouth.

.

.

.

**Before**

Alec rushed to Gabriel's side, terribly excited for what was about to happen. "Gabe!" he said, tugging on Gabriel's sleeve to get his brother's attention. Gabriel looked down at him with a smile on his face, a much more genuine smile than Alec had seen from him in quite some time. "It's time; we have to go!" he said, trying his hardest to pull Gabriel with him. All Gabriel did was laugh, finally going with Alec without a word.

Most of the time, it didn't truly matter when a Shadowhunter picked a weapon as their specialty. But with the royal line, they were expected to pick a weapon on their ninth birthday, making a public announcement out of it. From there, they would be trained rigorously with the weapon as they were expected to become experts with whatever they specialized in. And that was exactly what Alec had to do today. He normally hated any event in which he was called "Prince Alexander" throughout the entire thing, but this time he was so excited that he didn't exactly care what those outside of his family did while at the ceremony.

Before they entered the room, Gabriel forced Alec to stop once more, reaching down to straighten his little brother's collar. Alec made a face at him, but he didn't move to mess the collar up again, knowing that Gabriel was simply helping him to look more like the prince he was expected to be. The Clave was making a huge deal out of this ceremony because it had been two years since their last ceremony of any sort for the royal children, the last being Gabriel's confirmation for the throne when he turned eighteen.

Alec took his place at the front of the room without the usual fuss and worry about it, hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible so that he could see Gabriel's reaction. He smiled when he needed to, he answered every question in the perfect way that he was supposed to, and he could see Gabriel smiling at the way he held himself so perfectly for the first time in a very long time. Alec couldn't help but smile when the Clave nobleman who was appointed to this ceremony asked him what weapon he would like to choose for his specialty. As clearly as possible, Alec replied automatically. "The weapon I choose is the bow and arrow."

As soon as Alec was allowed to, he rushed back to Gabriel, happy to see that the smile on his brother's face had only widened. "I can't imagine why you choose the bow and arrow, Alexander," Gabriel said, and Alec ignored the sarcasm that his brother was shooting at him. Before Alec could respond, Gabriel had his arms around Alec, all but picking him up in a hug. They rarely ever hugged like this with anyone around, Gabriel explaining that they were meant to be professional at all times, but this time, Gabriel didn't seem to hold back with showing his love for his little brother.

"I want you to help train me," Alec finally said when Gabriel put him down. "I want to be just as good at shooting as you are one day." Gabriel reached to ruffle Alec's hair, and Alec couldn't help but swat his hand away. "Dad was trying to help me figure out what I wanted to choose and he told me to think about who or what I wanted to be one day. And that's when I knew that I want to be like you." For several seconds, Gabriel looked like he was going to say something in response, but then he simply took Alec in his arms again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know your thoughts! I miss hearing from you guys!
> 
> Also, if you have any questions about this, ask away! I know that it might be kind of confusing at this point since I haven't exactly established everything about the AU yet, so feel free to clear things up with me if you need to!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am entirely certain that this is the longest chapter I've ever written for anything, so I do hope you enjoy it! My chapters for this story will probably fluctuate in length a lot, so sorry for that ahead of time!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts! I'm really excited to finally be getting into the real story at this point!

When Jace had decided that he would be the one to escort Clary to the Silent City, Alec had sighed with relief and went to find Max. He'd been promising Max for days that they would be able to spend some time together, just the two of them. And since his confirmation for the throne, it seemed like the last thing he could find the time to do was spend time with his little brother. Alec also knew that explaining all of this to Max would be next to impossible. There were certain things that nine year olds simply couldn't understand, and royal duty was one of those things. And Alec hoped that Max wouldn't have to understand the meaning of his duty until he was much older.

Alec had grabbed Max's favorite book and rushed to find him, far too tired to help Max with his training but wanting to do something nonetheless. Max had chosen to specialize in throwing knives, and Alec had never been a very good shot with them, so helping Max train always took more out of him than it probably should. But Max had been just as excited to sit down and read with Alec, something he'd loved doing for as long as Alec could remember.

To his surprise, Alec found himself genuinely smiling and laughing with Max for the first time in weeks. The thing about spending time with Max was that it always seemed to help Alec forget whatever might be going on around him, to help him be just Alec, the big brother, for a change. And every time it happened, Alec walked away feeling more refreshed than he did after anything else. Max was in the middle of telling Alec a joke he'd heard about one of the characters in the book when Alec's phone started ringing, and the way in which Max's face fell so immediately tore at Alec's heart.

"I have to go," Alec said after hanging up on Jace. There was no way around it, and Max knew that as well as he did. "The next time I have any free time, Max, we're going to go out and see a movie or get ice cream or whatever you want, I promise." Max looked up at him as if he wasn't sure whether or not he should believe his brother or not. At the moment, Alec didn't have the time to try to make Max believe him, but he also didn't want to promise too much, knowing that his plans could change in the blink of an eye.

"Just go," Max said, his voice much colder than it normally was. "You have to go be Prince Alexander, I know." Alec wanted to take the time to explain things to Max, but he knew that that would likely be useless, so he simply reached up to ruffle Max's hair and turned toward the door. What surprised him, however, was when he heard Max's voice once again, much softer and far more broken than it had been before. "Just be careful, please."

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.

.  


Alec somewhat hesitantly slid into the booth a Taki's. He was slightly conflicted because Jace had seemed very worried on the phone, but coming to Taki's was so familiar and relaxing that Alec almost didn't have it in him to be worried. But Jace's tone had been enough to set him on edge, and Alec was left to wonder what kind of "bad news" Jace thought was bad enough that he couldn't tell Alec over the phone. Alec smiled when a waitress he'd only seen once or twice came over to see if they needed anything, turning heads when she referred to them as "Alec" and "Isabelle" instead of formally. Everyone who worked there knew that they were allowed to drop the royal formalities, but the Downworlder patrons were usually highly surprised when they realized that this was happening, and that amused Alec every single time.

When Alec saw Simon file in behind Jace and Clary, he had to force himself to take a deep breath. Having the mundane mixed in with everything that was going on was certainly only going to complicate the entire situation, it was only a matter of time. "We can't exactly leave Simon unguarded now that he knows about the Shadow World," Jace automatically said, reading Alec's expression without any trouble at all. "He'd be a sitting duck, and you know it." Alec sighed, knowing that Jace was right and not finding it in himself to worry about it any longer.

Alec carefully watched Jace as they ordered their food. Jace was rarely a fidgety person; he was generally calm and collected, no matter the situation. But here he was, fidgeting in his seat, refusing to meet Alec's eyes, and Alec couldn't seem to read his expression at all. "So the Silent Brothers couldn't really get anything out of Clary's mind," Jace began once they'd gotten their food, hesitating every so slightly. "Ragnor was right, and there's a sort of block in her mind. But they were able to tell us who put the block there." Alec motioned for Jace to continue when Jace looked as though he didn't want to keep speaking.

Before Jace could get another word out of his mouth, Clary had begun speaking, and Jace's expression automatically changed to one mixed with both anger and a bit of fear. "They said someone named Magnus Bane put it there. And Ragnor said that he's having a party tonight that he's sure we could get into if we wanted to go ask him about it." Jace whirled on Clary much faster than Alec had ever seen him do to almost anyone before, but Alec couldn't find the energy to truly care. Now he understood why Jace hadn't wanted to tell him this over the phone; he'd been trying to protect Alec from what was to come.

"I told you to not open your mouth until after I'd told Alec what was going on," Jace said, his voice ice cold. "But why did I ever fool myself into thinking that you'd actually listen to me?" Jace continued. Alec wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he didn't need to be so angry with Clary. But he couldn't find his voice in any way, his heart rate rising despite his every effort to stay calm. The last place on earth he wanted to go was to Magnus Bane's, but he still couldn't stand the look of pity on Jace's face.

Before anyone else could say anything at all, Alec's phone began ringing again. He spent the next few minutes arguing with his mother, trying to tell her that they had a mission for the night, but she insisted that whatever he needed to do, he could do it while watching over Max for them. His parents unexpectedly needed to go to Idris, and now he was going to be stuck with taking Max to Magnus's with them. "No, Jace," Alec began when Jace tried to point out that Alec didn't have to go with them. "You and I both know that, out of all of us, I am the only one that Magnus is going to give any information to. Now stop stalling and let's go get ready for this party."

.

.

.

"When I said I wanted to spend time with you, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind," Max said as Alec riffled through his closet, trying to find something that Max could wear that wouldn't make him stick out as a prince. A lot of the Downworlders wouldn't yet recognize Max in the way that they might recognize Alec or Isabelle. And Alec's only goal of the night was to keep Max as safe as possible. They'd already been over Alec's rules and expectations for the night, but Alec could still feel his heart beating as though it was going to leave his chest at any moment.

Alec couldn't help but smile at what his little brother had said, but he was also very aware of the anxiety in Max's voice. Max had never really been around Downworlders before. As far as Alec knew, the only warlock he'd ever met was Ragnor Fell, and Alec was fairly certain that Ragnor was the only Downworlder Max had ever met as well. "I know, Max, but I don't really have much of a choice right now," Alec replied, handing Max the best outfit he could find for the occasion. "I'm the only one Magnus will talk to, and I have to watch over you, so you have to go with us."

Max was silent at first, and Alec began wondering what he was thinking, but before he could ask, Max finally began speaking again. "Why are you the only one he will talk to?" Max asked, his voice hesitant as though he didn't want to overstep himself. "Because of what happened with Gabriel?" Alec paused in mid-stride, but he quickly managed to regather himself and simply nod at Max, telling him to go ahead and meet them at the door once he was ready. Alec hadn't really meant to be so distant with Max, but the reality of his current situation had finally hit him. He hadn't seen Magnus since he was nine years old, and as he threw his bow over his shoulder, he couldn't help but think that it hadn't been nearly long enough.

.

.

.

**Before**

Alec was trying his hardest to keep up with Gabriel, but his brother's legs seemed to be twice as long as his at the moment. And he wasn't particularly enjoying not being glamoured as they tried to navigate their way through the crowds and back to the Institute. Alec was, however, fairly happy with the fact that he wasn't glamoured and he still wasn't being recognized by the mundanes around them. Gabriel had argued with their parents for what seemed like hours before they'd finally agreed to let them go see a movie.

In the end, Gabriel had only won out because he'd promised that they would see an early showing of the movie so that he could have Alec back home before dark, before the demons became a threat to them. They'd laughed throughout the entire movie, and Alec didn't think he could be any happier at the moment. They'd gone to a movie about a mundane king, and Alec was fairly certain that he'd never seen anything so hysterically wrong. Nothing about the king's life had seemed correct to them in any way, even if he was a mundane.

Gabriel turned around, winking at Alec before motioning for Alec to follow him. The route he was taking was clearly not the quickest route home, and Alec almosted pointed that out before Gabriel finally explained. "Let's take the scenic route home tonight," he said, his voice far more relaxed than Alec had heard it in a very long time. Alec laughed when Gabriel sat down in the middle of Central Park, lying down to look up at the darkening sky. "Sometimes I really miss the way the stars look in Idris," Gabriel said, his voice seemingly far away. "Over there it's like the night sky is a window to a different universe altogether."

Before Alec could reply to tell Gabriel that he missed all of Idris, someone was picking him up, and none too gently at that. Gabriel was on his feet within seconds, but it wasn't nearly enough. The Shadowhunter had a firm grip on Alec and a seraph blade to his throat. Alec was confused as to why a Shadowhunter would want to hurt him, but then he saw the look on Gabriel's face and he remembered learning about the Circle in history class. Alec didn't see the other Shadowhunter soon enough, and he didn't have time to yell out before he'd knocked Gabriel out, hitting him on the head with the hilt of his blade.

Alec had never been anywhere near the loft apartment that they were taken to, but he tried his best to remember the route there. If he managed to escape, he could get home as long as he remembered the way back to Central Park. By the time Gabriel woke up, the were tied up in the middle of the apartment, waiting to see what was going to happen next. "Who are you?" Gabriel said as soon as the man who had to be the one in charge finally entered the room.

"Sure you've heard of me," the man replied, his voice automatically giving Alec chills. "I'm Valentine." Alec heard himself saying Gabriel's name, but he didn't really register it. If this was Valentine, if they really had been taken by the Circle, then they were in much more trouble than Alec had originally thought. Valentine walked over to Alec's side, forcing him to raise his head and look up at Valentine by lifting his chin with a seraph blade.

"Don't touch him," Gabriel spat, his voice so much more forceful than Alec had ever heard it before. Just the tone in Gabriel's voice was enough to bring tears to Alec's eyes. Alec closed his eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Gabriel was struggling against the chains that held him about a foot away from Alec. "If you have a fight with the Clave, then pick that fight with me. He's just a child." Valentine chuckled at that, but he finally walked away from Alec, turning toward Gabriel this time.

Alec didn't know which was worse, having Valentine's attention trained on him, or knowing that it was trained on Gabriel. "Oh, don't worry," Valentine said, his voice dripping with amusement. "I won't be the one touching him." That was when a man Alec had never seen before walked through the door. He looked like a mundane to Alec, but when Valentine spoke again, Alec realized he was dreadfully wrong about that. "Magnus, how nice of you to join us," Valentine said as Magnus very skeptically eyed the situation before him. Alec knew that Magnus Bane was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, meaning that this situation was only getting worse and worse by the second.

"What's this, Valentine?" Magnus said, glancing between Alec, Gabriel, and Valentine. "You told me you wanted to hire me for a job. You never mentioned the royal children. I'm not foolish man, Valentine. I'm very hesitant to get on the Clave's bad side." Magnus kept his eyes trained on Valentine, and Alec assumed that he was trying to keep from looking back at them. By now, Alec's face was wet with tears that he couldn't keep from falling any longer. Alec was entirely sure that he'd never cried around anyone who wasn't family before. It wasn't very prince-like, but his terror was the only thing he could feel at the moment, so he couldn't keep from it.

"This is what I hired you for," Valentine replied, stretching his hand out toward Alec and Gabriel. "I need the Clave and its King to understand just what I am prepared to do. They're the royal children, yes, but sometimes the end really does have to justify the means. You've been brought here to torture them until Robert Lightwood finally realizes that this is one war he's not going to win." Alec shut his eyes again as Magnus walked toward him. He'd never been particularly scared of magic, but the only warlock he'd ever met was Ragnor Fell, and he'd always thought of Ragnor as an oversized teddy bear as it was.

Alec couldn't keep himself from letting out a tiny sob when he felt Magnus's hand go to his throat. He heard Gabriel screaming at Magnus; he knew that Gabriel had worked with Magnus on missions before, and he simply couldn't believe that the man Gabriel had told him about was about to hurt him. "Let me get this straight," Magnus said, his eyes trained on Alec. "You want me to torture these two because you think that doing so will keep Robert Lightwood from going to war with you. You're still so angry with the fact that he betrayed you for his throne that you would like me to torture these children simply because they're royal, simply because of you hatred for their family."

Magnus looked down at his hand when he felt one of Alec's tears drop onto it. Alec finally opened his eyes again and looked back up at Magnus, locking eyes with him despite his sheer terror. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying his hardest to focus on Gabriel's voice instead of the feeling of Magnus's hand against his throat. "Of all people, you should be the most willing to hurt the royal line," Valentine answered, ignoring Gabriel's screams. "After all they've done to you and your people, Magnus. I'm giving you the chance we both know you've always wanted." Alec heard himself let out a soft whimper when Magnus's hand moved against him. He didn't truly register the fact that he finally found his voice long enough to utter one simple "please."

Something in Magnus's expression changed then, and Alec had no idea whether that was a bad thing or not. His eyes seemed to soften, but Alec couldn't seem to make himself look away from them. Alec let out another sob when Magnus moved his hand away from his throat, slowly turning back toward Valentine. "No," he said, his voice sharp and demanding. "I will not do this. I will not torture innocent children just to feed your hatred. They might be Shadowhunters, but they are not the Shadowhunters who have wronged me, and I will not harm them. Get out of my house and find yourself another warlock."

.

.

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**Now**

Looking at the door to Magnus's apartment was like looking at the door to his worst nightmares, but Alec knew that he didn't have any choice but to continue on. He was standing at the door with his hand on Max's shoulder, trying his hardest to find the courage he needed to finally enter. "He's just a warlock," Alec heard Clary say from behind him. "Surely a prince like you has seen one of those before." Clary pushed past him and opened the door, and Alec had to take several deep breaths before following her in, calming himself not only from his own anxiety but now his anger at Clary as well.

Jace glanced at Alec for a moment, but Alec waved him on before he had the chance to say anything, knowing that Jace was likely going to tell him that he didn't have to go in with them. Finding Magnus was not a hard task at all, especially considering the fact that his eyes landed on their group almost as soon as they walked through the door. His eyes landed on Alec as he walked toward them, and Alec couldn't help but uncomfortably squirm under his gaze. "Well, well," he said, his voice bitter and cold. "To what do I owe the honor of the royal family showing up at my party?" he asked, his gaze slowly assessing each of them.

"We need information about Clary," Alec said, forcing his voice to be as clear as possible. "And don't tell me that you don't know who she is," he continued when he saw that Magnus was about to protest. "I was watching your face when you looked at her for the first time, and I saw the flash of recognition that you couldn't cover up. You know her no matter what you might want me to think. We need the information, Magnus." Magnus simply nodded and motioned for them to follow him, but Alec stopped short when he realized where they were headed. "Is there-Is there another room we could go to?" he asked, his voice wavering.

Magnus slowly turned to look at him, his expression full of a mix of emotions that Alec couldn't even begin to decipher. "Unfortunately, there isn't," Magnus said, his voice much softer than it had been before. "If there was, I would have taken you to it first. But since I'm in the middle of a party, all other rooms are occupied at the moment." Alec gave a curt nod in response before moving past Magnus to enter the room. He was surprised when Max reached up to take hold of his hand, but he didn't pull away, knowing that his little brother was simply trying his best to help calm Alec's nerves.

Alec pointedly looked down at his feet as Jace explained the situation to Magnus, telling him exactly why they were there. When he was done speaking, Magnus simply looked at them for several seconds, as though he was trying to think of the best way to go about the situation before him. "And you want to get her memories back?" he finally asked, apparently deciding that just jumping into it would be the best course of action. When Clary nodded, Magnus chuckled slightly. "I'm afraid that that's not exactly possible. When your mother hired me to do this for her, she never considered the possibility of giving them back to you," he answered, causing Alec to finally look up at him once more.

"What do you mean it's not possible?" Clary asked, her voice raising a few octaves out of anger. "You took them from me, so you should still have them, right?" When Magnus made a vague gesture that most likely meant that this was technically true, Clary spat back at him with almost all she had. "If you weren't skilled enough to give me my memories back, then my mother should have never hired you, warlock," she said, causing Magnus to flinch ever so slightly.

It looked like Magnus was going to respond, but Alec didn't care at all. "Don't talk to him that way, Clary," he said, his voice far stronger than he had expected it to be. "He's got a name. Either respect him enough to use it or stop asking for his help. You have no idea what you're dealing with right now, and you need to let him explain himself before you tell him off. He's one of the most skilled warlocks on this earth. Now shut up and listen to him." Alec gave Jace a glance that said he simply hadn't been able to hold it in any longer, and Jace just shook his head and looked away.

"Unless you would like me to risk the lives of everyone involved, I cannot get your memories back for you," Magnus said after finally looking away from Alec. "Your memories are with a highly dangers demon. But they won't stay that way forever. Over time, certain memories will come back to you, but I can't even begin to tell you when that might be or which memories might come back. I could summon said demon and fight it for your memories, but that is not a task to be taken lightly. You'll either have to find the Cup some other way or simply wait for the memory to return."

Clary began speaking almost as soon as Magnus had finished, speaking so quickly that her words began to run together. "We don't have the time to wait; my mom could already be dead. This demon could be her only chance. What is your problem?" she asked when Alec interjected to simply tell her no. "What are you so scared of? I thought this was supposed to be your job. It's like you want Valentine to find the Cup before us or something."

Alec ignored the fact that Max was squeezing his hand, trying to calm him down and keep him from getting too angry. But Alec knew that it was much too late for that. "Watch yourself," he said, practically flinging the words at Clary. "You know nothing about me or this world you've suddenly found yourself in. I am the last person on earth to want Valentine to succeed at anything at all, including taking his next breath. News flash, Clary, but you are not entitled to anything at all. I am trying to protect my family, and if that means not getting your memories back right this second, then so be it." It was then that Isabelle stepped over toward him, resting her hand on his arm, but nothing seemed to help the emotions that were flooding him at the moment.

Alec wanted to step away from the situation, but the thought of leaving Max, Isabelle, and Jace in the loft kept his feet planted right where they were. He hadn't even wanted to bring Max with them in the first place, and the longer they were there, the more anxious Alec became over every part of their situation. "What's the point of having magic if you can't even do what needs to be done?" Clary asked, her eyes locking with Alec's. "There's got to be another way, and you know it. He's just holding back because we're Shadowhunters. If he's a world-renowned warlock then there has to be something else he can do."

That was when Alec completely lost control of himself in a way he hadn't in a very long time, the flood of emotions winning out over his always carefully maintained composure. "You are barely passable for a Shadowhunter," he said, letting go of Max's hand and reaching up to hold onto his ring. "You're talking about things that you know next to nothing about. Magic is not the solution to your every little problem, and that is a lesson you're going to have to learn sooner or later." Alec was highly aware of how raw his voice was, how openly his emotions were on display, but he no longer cared. "Be glad you're learning it with your memories and not your best friend's life," he finished, turning to leave the room without waiting to see the reaction to what he had just said.

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**Before**

The silence after Magnus's declaration was almost unbearable. Valentine seemed calm and collected, but Alec was willing to bet that this was just an act, that he was so silent because he was trying to sort through his anger. Alec doubted that anyone had ever told Valentine that they would not do what he had asked them to do. At least, not anyone who was still alive. Alec felt a new set of chills run down his spine when Valentine began to smile.

"Very well, Magnus," he said, but Alec wasn't fooled by that. He knew Valentine wasn't going to give in so easily. "If that is truly your decision, then do not say that I didn't give you a chance." Valentine made a vague gesture, and before anyone could do anything about it, two of the Circle members had cornered Magnus. Magnus didn't realize what was happening quickly enough to react. By the time anyone realized what was going on, the deed had already been done.

Almost simultaneously, the Circle members had reached up, grabbing hold of both of Magnus's wrists and breaking them in one swift movement. Alec squeezed his eyes shut once again at the sound of Magnus screaming from the pain. He didn't have the energy to fight back when the Circle members picked him up once more, throwing the three of them into a room together. He didn't need to try the door to know that they had locked it with a rune. Gabriel immediately went to Magnus's side, trying to get a look at Magnus's wrist but having a lot of trouble with Magnus letting him even get close to doing so.

"Gabe?" Alec asked, his voice soft with tears. "Why did they do that to him?" Gabriel got up from the floor and hurriedly looked around the room, and Alec knew he was most likely looking for things he could use to splint Magnus's wrists. Gabriel simply shook his head, and Alec had to guess that he was too distracted at the moment to actually answer that question for him. The last thing Alec wanted to do was to look at Magnus, but he went to Magnus's side anyway, trying to find something he could do to help comfort the warlock.

Magnus's face was twisted in pain as he looked back at Alec, a very painful smile appearing on his face. "Warlocks can't do magic without their hands, Alexander," he replied, every word seemingly forced through the pain. "If my wrists are broken, I can't do any magic." He paused for a moment, taking several deep breaths, attempting to steady himself from the pain. "This was Valentine's way of making sure that I can't fight back no matter what he does to me or the two of you."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really encourage you guys to come talk to me about this story! I'm really enjoying writing it (even though this chapter made me cry), but you guys are scarily silent on the matter, and I'm really missing getting any sort of feedback! So please, let me know your thoughts, even if it's only a few words on how you're feeling about the story as it stands right now!
> 
> I truly hope you are all enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying creating it!

Alec closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall outside of Magnus's apartment. He hated to admit that what he had just done was terribly wrong of him, but the more he thought about it, the more he understood that he wouldn't have changed it even if he had the chance. He had tried his hardest to put himself in Clary's shoes, to think about what it would feel like to suddenly be thrown into a world that he had had no prior knowledge of. But when Clary had made it very clear to him that the last thing she was doing was trying to see things from his point of view, Alec knew he couldn't take it any longer.

When the door opened, Alec refrained from opening his eyes, hoping that whoever it was would simply walk past him and move on. But then he heard Max's voice and he sighed, knowing that he needed to deal with the situation instead of running from it. "Alec? Are you okay?" Max asked, his voice full of concern in a way that Alec had never heard it before. "You never act that way." Alec smiled at that, knowing just how right Max was. If anything, the others were simply worried because that was one of the few times he'd ever let go and truly lost it. Little did they know that he still had a lot more he could lose.

"I'm fine, Max," Alec said, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor and motioning for Max to sit beside of him. "It's just that being in there brings a lot of memories back. It put me on edge and then Clary pushed me over." Alec smiled once more as Max placed a hand on top of his. It was in moments like this one that Alec wished with all his might that Max would never lose his kindness. "It's nothing I can't handle." Alec finished, hoping that he had poured enough strength into his voice to make it sound believable.

Max was thoughtful for several long moments, and Alec began to wonder whether he should continue the conversation himself, but Max finally spoke up. "Well you shouldn't have to handle it on your own," he said, his voice steady and sure. "You might be a prince, but you're still just Alec." At that, Alec reached over to wrap his arm around Max, his thoughts suddenly clearing enough for him to think of absolutely anything other than Gabriel.

"And you don't have to do anything other more than what you've always done for me, Max," Alec replied, smiling when Max giggled as Alec squeezed his arm around his little brother. "Sometimes there aren't any words to describe how I'm feeling, like right now. And sometimes all I need is to spend some time with you or Isabelle and just relax and actually be 'just Alec' for a little bit." Alec paused when the door opened again, this time revealing a pair of vampires.

They shared a grin that put Alec on edge, causing him to stand up and step in front of Max. "Taking these two back home would be much better than taking the mundane, don't you think?" one of them said to the other. Alec's hand was wrapped around his seraph blade before another word was uttered, and he felt Max step closer toward him. The second vampire laughed, and Alec assumed that he was laughing at Max's fear.

"Come on, Max," Alec said through gritted teeth. The last thing he needed right now was to have a fight with vampires, mostly because the political consequences were something that they did not need to deal with at the moment. "Let's go back inside, I'm sure Magnus would love to know exactly what his party guests are up to." Alec smiled almost guiltily at the look the vampires gave him. He knew it was a low blow to use Magnus against them, but considering the fact that almost everyone in Downworld was rightfully terrified of Magnus, Alec figured that he might as well use that to his advantage.

As soon as they were back inside, Isabelle was right in front of them. "Don't freak out because I've definitely got this handled, but Simon is kind of a rat at the moment," she said, speaking so quickly that Alec almost had trouble keeping up. "And he may or may not have been taken by vampires but I can handle this so don't worry." Alec sighed, knowing that Isabelle was trying to handle the situation because she didn't want him to have to worry about it, not when he was already so upset in the first Alec could very easily tell that the situation was not at all handled by either Isabelle or Jace.

Before Alec could even begin to make a decision as to what to do next, Magnus appeared in front of them once more. "I'm afraid that if you don't want a fight on your hands, the three of you aren't going to be able to leave until the sun comes up. Those vampires would much rather have you, and I know for a fact that they'll leave at least two scouts outside for as long as possible." Alec was genuinely surprised by Magnus's concern, though he knew from his past experiences that he shouldn't be. He watched idly as Magnus called for the party to be over, ushering his guests out much faster than Alec would have thought possible. "Jace and Clary already left for the Dumort," Magnus finally said, his voice strained every so slightly. "They'll leave Jace alone, but they what they really want is for you and your sister to follow into their hotel. That would be the perfect situation for breaking the Accords."

Alec sighed, knowing that Magnus was horribly right about the situation. If they wanted to avoid a fight of any kind, they were stuck there until sunrise, and the very thought of that made Alec's skin crawl. He didn't protest when Isabelle said that she would take care of Max, asking Magnus if there was a spare bedroom they could put him to sleep in. Alec sat down on the couch as Magnus showed Isabelle to a room, closing his eyes and trying to calm his breathing. He only opened his eyes when Magnus cleared his throat, surprised to see the warlock holding out a coffee mug. "I know you won't be getting any sleep tonight, not while in this loft," he said, a soft smile inching its way over his lips. "So I figured you might want some caffeine to help keep you up." Alec took the mug with a smile of his own, knowing that Magnus's assumption was far too correct.

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**Before**

"Alexander, listen to me." Alec could hear Gabriel's words, but he couldn't seem to hold on to them, his fear encompassing every part of him. "I'm going to need you to hold Magnus's arms down while I splint his wrists. Alexander, look at me." Gabriel moved to cup Alec's face with his hands, just as gentle with his little brother as he always was. "I know you're scared, but Magnus needs our help right now. I need you to be brave, okay?" Alec swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, putting everything he had into being brave like his brother.

Alec watched as Gabriel prepared Magnus for the extra pain that this was going to cause him. He placed his hand right where Gabriel told him to, not knowing how hard he needed to press down. He was terrified of hurting Magnus any further, but he knew he had to keep Magnus's arm still enough for Gabriel to get the job done. Alec couldn't keep more tears from flowing when Gabriel began working and Magnus cried out in pain. Just the thought that Magnus was hurt because he had tried to protect them was enough to make Alec cry. "Thank you," Magnus forced through gritted teeth when Gabriel had finished with one of his wrists.

The desperation in Magnus's voice tore at Alec's heart, and by the time Gabriel was done with the other wrist, Alec found himself crying in earnest. Gabriel sat down beside of Magnus, moving to take Alec in his arms. "What happens now?" he asked when Magnus's ragged breathing had almost returned to normal. "I'm assuming that there's no way of getting out of this room until he opens the door again, and I'm most certainly not capable of fighting my way out of here on my own." Alec could hear the fear in Gabriel's voice which was something he'd never heard before.

"The first person Valentine will go to is Ragnor Fell," Magnus replied, his speech slow and careful. "Ragnor will say no, and Valentine won't dare do anything to him. He's even more powerful than I am, and even attempting to harm him in any way would go terribly for the Circle in general." Magnus paused, taking a deep breath, obviously trying to stomach his pain. "Ragnor is our only hope. Even if your parents figure out where you are, they'd never so much as get through the front door. Ragnor is the only person in this world who knows how to get through my protective wards without being invited in. Hopefully it won't take him long to realize that Valentine asked him to do this job because I told him no."

Gabriel tightened his arms around Alec when Magnus fell silent, and Alec couldn't help but turn around in his brother's arms and bury his face in Gabriel's chest. The terror he was feeling was growing stronger with every passing second, and he had no idea of how he could get away from it. "Don't worry, Alexander," Gabriel finally said, his voice strained. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I promise." The problem was that Alec wanted to believe his brother, but the situation they were currently in was too overwhelming for him to really trust Gabriel. He trusted that Gabriel would try everything in his power to keep Alec from getting hurt, but Alec knew that that might not be enough.

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Alec hadn't meant to fall asleep, but when he woke up, he wasn't surprised to see Gabriel arguing with Valentine. Alec didn't really pay attention as they went back and forth once more, knowing that if he listened to their conversation that it would only make things that much worse as far as his fear was concerned. Eventually, he did register Valentine's words, chills running down his spine automatically. "Well, Prince Gabriel, if you think you're so brave, why don't we test that out?" With that, Valentine turned and left the room. The next person to enter was a man Alec had never seen before, but he immediately knew this man was a warlock, the purple eyes giving that away even before Magnus spoke up.

"Malcolm, don't do this," he said, the anxiety in his voice all too clear. Alec knew from his studies that Malcolm Fade was the most recent High Warlock of L.A. and that meant that Gabriel had no hope of fighting him with his bear hands. "You might be scared of Valentine, but I can promise you that whatever the Clave might do to you would be a million times worse. If you have a fight with the Clave, then pick it with the Clave. Not these children; they're innocent in all of this." Alec flinched when Malcolm laughed, the suddenness of it startling him.

"This isn't about my fear for Valentine," Malcolm said, his voice almost hysterical. "This is about everything the Shadowhunters and their precious Clave have taken away from us. You of all people should have been the first to jump at this chance, Bane." Malcolm turned on Magnus, and Alec held his breath, wondering if Malcolm would be willing to hurt a fellow warlock. "They may be children, but no Shadowhunter is innocent in this. We're constantly at war with them, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the better off you'll be."

Alec pressed his back against the wall at the way Malcolm's eyes flashed with anger, trying to keep from thinking about what might have happened if Magnus had already come to terms with this. Naturally, this only forced Malcolm's attention away from Magnus and toward Alec. When Gabriel tried to step in front of Malcolm, the warlock threw him against the opposite wall, pinning him there with magic, and Alec flinched at the sound it made when his brother hit the wall. "This talk is boring me, Magnus. You know very well why I am doing this. Why don't we just go ahead and get started?"

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, knowing there was no escaping what was about to come. Gabriel's screams were piercing his heart, and the fact that there was nothing he could do to help comfort his brother was almost maddening. As soon as Malcolm stopped walking toward him, Alec immediately felt the pain. It was so sudden that all he could do was fall to his knees, calling out for Gabriel despite his every effort to keep from doing so. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt; he felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out, and he had no hope of holding the pieces together. Every time he took a breath, Alec felt the fire of the magic rip through him, consuming every inch of him in a pain so bright that he couldn't figure out where he ended and the magic began.

"Leave him alone!" he heard Gabriel scream, Gabriel's voice breaking with effort and desperation. "Stop hurting him! Take me instead. Do whatever the hell you want to me, just leave him alone!" Alec tried to protest, but he couldn't seem to find his voice. He felt himself slouch to the ground when Malcolm's magic stopped, but he was powerless to move himself in any way, the magic having taken everything out of him already. "Please," Gabriel whispered, and Alec could hear the tears that his brother was crying, his voice wet with the sound of his own torment.

When Gabriel's own screaming began, Alec forced himself to move, pushing himself into a sitting position despite the excruciating pain. "Don't," Magnus said, his voice full of resignation that hadn't been there before. "There's nothing you can do, Alec, and trying to move around will only hurt you more. And Gabriel wouldn't want that." Alec knew Magnus was right, but the sound of his brother crying out in pain was becoming too much for him to bear. Alec moved to wrap his arms around his knees, burying his face behind them, trying to block out the reality of what was going on around him.

Alec was fairly successful at blocking things out at first. Gabriel's screams simply became a part of the room, and no matter how much he wished otherwise, they were something he became used to. But when he realized that the screams were becoming quieter, that Gabriel was losing his energy and his will to fight back, Alec felt as though he couldn't take much more at all. When Gabriel's screams has dwindled into something barely loud enough to pass in a regular conversation, Alec had thought he couldn't take anything else, but then Gabriel's wordless screams turned into Alec's name, a plea to have his little brother by his side.

It felt like Alec's heart was being ripped out of his chest. He'd never before found it so hard to breathe; he'd never before found it so hard to see straight. But as soon as Gabriel had said his name, Alec felt like a piece of his soul had broken off. He knew he was sobbing, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to keep from it. If he'd had a choice, he would have asked Malcolm to stop, to hurt him again instead. But Alec knew that wasn't something Gabriel would want, that Gabriel would only stop Malcolm again, and there was no use in going back and forth between the two of them.

When Malcolm finally stopped, Alec rushed to Gabriel's side as quickly as he could despite the pain he was still feeling himself. "Valentine has instructed me to give you a break," Malcolm said, looking down at them with a sort of pleasure that sickened Alec. "But trust me when I say that there is much more where that came from." His voice was terribly ominous, and Alec was already worried about what else Malcolm had in store. He thought that there couldn't possibly be anything worse than what had just happened, but then again, he'd thought that before and now they were both in agony.

Alec reached to keep Gabriel from moving when it looked like his older brother was going to reach for him. "Don't move, Gabe," he said, his voice scarcely above a whisper. "I'm here now, just rest and let me be the brave one right now." Alec took a deep breath when he saw the ghost of a smile appear on his brother's lips. "I'm so sorry," he sobbed into his hands, trying his hardest to get a grip on his terror before Gabriel tried to help him. The last thing he needed was for Gabriel to hurt himself even more by moving around to try to comfort Alec. Alec moved to lay beside of his brother, knowing that he wasn't strong enough to move Gabriel on his own. "I love you," Alec said before shutting his eyes and praying for sleep to take both of them away from the nightmare they had found themselves in.

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**Now**

Alec was content with being silent, but Magnus seemed to be adequately uncomfortable. But the last thing Alec could do at the moment was figure out how to begin a conversation with the warlock. There was so many things that had passed between them, and Alec couldn't force the past out of his mind long enough to focus on the present. "Despite all of this, I have some very good news," Magnus said at last, not even beginning to try to hide the mischief in his voice. Alec simply looked at him with the question in his eyes, not trusting himself to speak at the moment.

"You happen to be much more attractive than the last time I saw you," he said, his eyes scanning Alec's face for his reaction. At first, Alec wanted to shy away, but then he knew that he needed to be true to himself. Right now, he was Alec, not Prince Alexander, so he forced himself to react the way Alec would. He saw the hope in Magnus's eyes and he couldn't help but smile, a smile much wider than the ones he'd been forcing all day long. He saw the hope in Magnus's eyes morph into something else, and he knew that being Alec instead of the prince right now was exactly what they both needed.

"Well that's curious," Alec replied, fully aware of the amused and teasing tone to his own voice. "Because you happen to be much more attractive than the last time _I_ saw _you_." Alec found himself relaxing when Magnus began chuckling, the other man's laugh filling him with a sort of comfort that he hadn't expected. Alec hated to admit it, but he felt more like himself in this moment than he had in a very long time. He wanted more than anything to be able to continue with this, to see where it might lead. He wanted more than anything to be true to himself for once in his life without caring about the consequences related to the Clave or his throne. But Alec shoved that thought aside, knowing that he was hoping for something that was hopeless.

They fell silent after that, but this time it was much more comfortable than the last. It was like they no longer needed to fill the silence with their words, like they no longer felt as though either of them expected anything from the other. But the silence turned Alec's mind back toward the past, and that was something that he couldn't keep from happening. For as long as Alec could remember, there was one question about the past that he simply couldn't answer for himself, one thing that didn't add up for him, and it was something he terribly needed answered by Magnus. "Why didn't you do it?" Alec asked, causing Magnus to glance at him in surprise. "Why didn't you do what Valentine had asked? It's just that most people would have, and I've spent the last nine years wondering why you didn't."

Magnus smiled, acknowledging that what Alec had said was certainly true. "It's pretty simple, really," Magnus replied, his eyes softening apparently at his thoughts. "Valentine was targeting you and your brother because of your blood, because you're royal. For as long as I can remember, I've been targeted for the same reason. Because my blood makes me different from those around me. And I couldn't do the same thing to anyone else, much less innocent children." Magnus finished speaking and got up from his seat, almost as though he was embarrassed by what he had just shared.

"Thank you," Alec finally said, smiling at the way Magnus paused in the middle of reaching for his own mug of coffee. "I don't think I ever actually go to thank you for everything you did for us." Magnus started to shake his head, but Alec cut him off from responding in any way. "Don't tell me that I don't have to thank you. I know I don't have to. Thank you, Magnus." Magnus paused for several moments, seemingly trying to figure out exactly what to say or do. He finally reached for his coffee again, taking a long sip before eventually replying.

"I feel obligated to say that you don't have to thank me," he said, shaking his head in amusement at the look Alec gave him in response. "If you need anything tonight, just yell for me," he said, turning toward the kitchen. Alec jumped ever so slightly when Magnus's cat hopped into his lap. "Take that as a compliment," Magnus said, his voice finally light once again. "He doesn't like very many people." With that, Magnus left the room, and Alec was left to work out exactly what had just happened over the past few minutes in his own mind.

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**Before**

Waking up the next morning was like waking up in his own personal hell, and all Alec wanted to do was to go back to sleep, to shut everything out and forget about what was going on around them. "Alexander, I want you to listen to me again," Gabriel said as soon as they were both fully awake. Alec could see just how much Gabriel was trying to hide his pain, to keep from showing just how hurt he really was. "No matter what Malcolm does to me today, I want you to let him do it. Don't yell at him, don't ask him to hurt you instead. This isn't anything that I can't handle. You let me handle it, okay? Can you promise me that?"

Alec could already feel the tears falling, mostly in anticipation of what they both knew was coming. He wanted to tell Gabriel no, he wanted to try to take the pain for Gabriel, to try to be the brave one and take the torture for his brother. But he was so terrified of the pain, so honestly scared of what Malcolm might do to him that he couldn't seem to allow himself to even thinking of doing so. He was fully aware of the fact that he let out yet another sob as he nodded to Gabriel. "I'm a coward," Alec said, wrapping his arms as far around his brother as they would go. Alec couldn't help but feel safe when Gabriel wrapped him in a hug, but he knew it was only an illusion, that at any moment, he could be ripped from Gabriel and both of them thrown into astonishing pain.

"You are anything but a coward, Alec," Gabriel replied after several seconds of silence in which Alec knew that his brother was regathering his strength to speak. "Being scared of pain doesn't make you a coward, it makes you a human being. I'm scared too, but I'm going to do this because I love you more than anything in the world, just remember that, please." Almost as soon as Gabriel was finished speaking, the door opened and Malcolm entered once more. Alec tried to fight to stay with his brother, but Gabriel picked him up and quickly moved to place him beside of Magnus.

For the next few hours, Alec lived in a nightmare. He tried his hardest to shut out the things that were happening to his brother, but the longer it went on, the worse things became. At one point, Alec slowly registered that he had suddenly grabbed ahold of Magnus's arm. Magnus looked down at him with an expression full of pity, and Alec couldn't help but bury his face in Magnus's arm, his tears soaking almost everything around them. Magnus let him stay like that for a very long time, and Alec idly wondered why. But when another of Gabriel's screams pierced the air, that thought was thrown aside.

When Valentine eventually entered once more, Alec couldn't help but press his back further against the wall, fear welling up inside of him again. "We're leaving," Valentine said, motioning for Malcolm to stop what he was doing and leave the room. "It seems Ragnor was much smarter than I gave him credit for. But don't worry," he said, turning to Magnus. "You're the lucky one. I'm going to leave you here while I take the boys away. By the time Ragnor gets through your wards, you'll be the only one left here for him to take care of." Valentine bent down to pick Gabriel up, and Alec winced at the thought. He knew that Gabriel was still in immense pain, and making him move had to be torture in and of itself.

Alec felt sick when he heard Gabriel moan from the pain of being moved. But then Gabriel was suddenly fighting back, and Alec had no idea how that had happened. It was excruciating to so much as move a muscle after being tortured with magic, Alec knew that from his experiences the day before. He couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that Gabriel was feeling as he tried to struggle against Valentine. "You're not taking us anywhere," he said, each word sounding like a separate sentence. Alec had no idea how he was even standing on his own, much less getting any punches in on Valentine. He could see Gabriel's face scrunched up in pain; he could see the tears that were threatening to fall, and he knew that this was likely the last thing Gabriel would be able to take.

Before anyone had the time to properly react, Valentine had pulled out a seraph blade. "I'm very tired of dealing with you, Prince Gabriel," he said, spitting the word "prince" at Gabriel like it was a disease. "You've served your purpose. I am done with you." At that, he swung the seraph blade, not giving Gabriel enough time to react to it. Gabriel was slow from the pain as it was, and he couldn't get out of the way fast enough. The blade sank into Gabriel's stomach almost effortlessly, and Alec couldn't seem to look away. Alec was on his feet in seconds, but as Valentine pulled the seraph blade out of Gabriel's stomach, he knew that nothing was going to be enough anymore.

Alec barely registered what was happening when Valentine turned on him. All he could see was Gabriel and the blood that was slowly pooling around him. But then he realized that Valentine was likely going to hurt him as well, and he had no idea what to do. The seraph blade blazed as Valentine raised it once more, and Alec closed his eyes, not wanting to see what was going to happen. But then he felt someone step in front of him, and he opened his eyes to see the seraph blade swinging down on Magnus instead of himself. Magnus winced from the pain as the blade cut into his arm, and Alec couldn't help but wince as well.

But before any of them had the time to do anything else, the door burst open once more, showing Ragnor on the other side. When Ragnor began battling with Valentine, Alec pushed past Magnus and fell to his knees beside of Gabriel despite his fear over the magic that Ragnor was wielding. "Magnus, what do I do?" he asked, looking back at the warlock in terror. Magnus carefully picked up a blanket that was laying on the back of a chair, taking it to Alec and telling him to try to stop the bleeding. Alec watched in sheer horror as the blood soaked the blanket and then began seeping through his fingers. Alec knew he was crying, he knew he was asking Magnus to do something to help his brother. But Alec also knew deep down that there was nothing that Magnus could do, that his words of asking Magnus for help were unfair to the warlock at best.

The battle that was going on behind them was something that Alec had completely blocked out. But by the time it was over, Alec had almost lost every last bit of hope that he'd once held. "Alexander, I need you to take care of the family for me," Gabriel finally said, his voice strained and heavy with pain and weakness. Alec shook his head, trying to drive out the fear he felt. Gabriel reached up to gently wipe some of Alec's tears away, but that only made Alec cry even harder. "You're going to be fine, I promise. Just take care of our family and do your duty; I know those are things you can do." Gabriel's breathing was becoming more and more ragged by the second. "I love you Alexander. You're going make an amazing king one day."

Alec shook his head again, pressing his hands down harder, desperately trying to do what he already knew couldn't be done. "Don't say that," he said, his voice wavering with every word. "I don't want to be king. You're supposed to be king. Gabriel don't leave me, please. I need you; don't leave me." Alec watched with a detached sort of attention as Ragnor finally let Valentine get away and moved to Magnus's side. Magnus shoved Ragnor away, motioning for him to try to help Gabriel instead. Alec felt everything inside of him shatter when Ragnor slowly shook his head, indicating that there was nothing he could do either, telling Magnus that Gabriel had already lost too much blood to be helped.

Alec took Gabriel's hand in his, trying to steady the shaking in his own hands. He pressed his face into Gabriel's chest, holding on to his brother with everything he had left, counting each time Gabriel took another breath, wondering which breath would be his brother's last. Ages seemed to pass in the span of a minute, but Alec held on to every second for as long as he could. He felt everything in him break loose, everything he'd been trying to hold back in order to stay brave for his brother break down when Gabriel's chest fell and didn't rise again. When Magnus tried to speak to him, Alec shook his head, his face still pressed against his brother. The last thing he was going to do at the moment was leave Gabriel's side, no matter who asked him to do so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Then**

After a very short amount of time of trying to comfort Alec, Magnus seemed to give up, almost realizing that it was useless at the moment. But in truth, Alec really didn't care what Magnus did any longer. The only thing he really cared about was Gabriel, and even Alec was able to understand that there was nothing he could do anymore, that Gabriel's fight was over. Alec finally looked up, looking to make sure that his brother's eyes were closed. When he saw they were, he did the only thing he knew left to do, his voice barely audible as he said, "Ave Atque Vale," the words shattering his heart with every syllable.

The words were so familiar that Alec had never really given them much thought. They were just another tradition, just another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things that he had to do because he was a Shadowhunter. But Alec had never actually heard them in the way that they were meant to be used, and saying them for his brother was something he'd never imagined would happen. Saying them for the person he loved most in the world was the one thing that had never crossed his mind about them. He now felt the weight of them pressing down on him, the true meaning of them hitting him so hard it made him sick.

It was then that Alec finally registered what was going on behind him once more. He heard Ragnor pleading with Magnus, trying to convince Magnus to let himself be healed despite Magnus's intense protestation. "If you couldn't do anything for them, then don't do anything for me, Ragnor," he said, his voice wavering ever so slightly. Alec wanted to curl up beside of his brother again, but then he realized that he knew what Gabriel would want him to do at the moment. What he needed to do now had nothing to do with any sort of royal duty, but he knew that Gabriel would have told him it was a type of duty nonetheless, so he finally forced himself to get up and go to Magnus's side.

"Stop fighting him and let him heal you," Alec said, trying his hardest to keep from tearing up again. "You being hurt isn't going to help anyone right now. Please just stop fighting and let him help you." Alec knew he was practically pleading with Magnus, but it was the only thing he knew to do and he had to help someone. If he couldn't help Gabriel then maybe he might at least be able to help Magnus. Magnus eventually nodded, even though it was reluctantly so, apparently resigning himself to the fact that both Alec and Ragnor were right. Alec moved to sit beside of Gabriel again as Ragnor began working on the cut Magnus had received from Valentine, but he didn't stay seated for long.

None of them had really expected anyone from the Clave to find them without being told where they were, and Alec certainly hadn't expected his father to be the very first person through the door. Before Magnus could so much as utter a single word, Robert had his own seraph blade out, and Alec knew that his father was making assumptions based on the scene before him. Alec found himself standing in front of Magnus before he'd even really registered what he was doing, his father's seraph blade suddenly pointed at him instead.

Robert seemed hesitant to move the blade, but he paused nonetheless, his silence being Alec's indication that he needed to explain himself. "Don't hurt him, Dad. He didn't do anything wrong. He tried to protect us from Valentine, and that's why his wrists are broken. Please believe me." Alec felt tears running down his face once more, and he wondered if there would ever be a time that he would finally stop crying. He forced himself to keep from looking behind his father and at Gabriel again, knowing that if he did so he wouldn't be able to stand his ground much longer. Robert eyed him for several long moments, and Alec swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in his throat, trying to calm his nerves, telling himself that his father would have to listen to him.

"Step aside, Alexander," Robert finally said, and Alec could hear the doubt and fear in his voice, something that he would never have expected to hear from his father. "Let me get some answers from these two," he continued, motioning with his seraph blade toward Magnus and Ragnor. Alec shook his head, hoping that he was doing the right thing. There was no way that he was going to let his father hurt anyone. There had already been too much pain for everyone involved, and he wanted nothing more than for all of the pain to stop.

"No, Daddy," he replied, his voice cracking under the weight of his tears. "I'm not moving until I know you won't hurt them. We've been hurt enough," he finished, his voice breaking down just enough that he finally saw his father's face soften, his son's pain finally breaking through his own grief and shock. Robert dropped his blade within seconds, moving to take Alec in his arms, and suddenly, Alec couldn't hold anything inside any longer. He was highly aware of the fact that he was all but sobbing into his father's shoulder, but he didn't care anymore.

Alec finally registered what his father was saying when he heard Robert tell some of the Clave members that had come with him that they could move Gabriel. At that, Alec looked up, rubbing the tears out of his eyes as best as possible. "Wait!" he said, running to Gabriel again before his father could stop him. He fell to his knees once more, reaching for Gabriel's hand and taking his family ring from his finger. He bent down to kiss Gabriel's forehead one last time, then he forced himself off of the floor and back to his father's side. "Can I keep this?" he asked, holding the ring out for Robert to see.

It took quite a few seconds for Robert to respond, obviously trying to ensure that he could keep up his composure before speaking again. "Of course you can, Alexander," he said, reaching to pick Alec up once more. Robert smiled solemnly when Alec asked him to stop calling him that; the only person in the world that he wanted to call him that was Gabe. When Alec finally all but sank into his father again, Robert turned toward Magnus and Ragnor once more. "I'm going to take Alec home and then I'll be back," he said, his voice wavering when he said Alec's name. "You've both obviously done something here that I am not yet aware of," he said, pausing for a second to try to calm Alec down a bit. "So thank you," he finished, leaving before either warlock had the chance to respond.

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**Now**

Getting up the next morning had been surreal in a way. Alec hadn't expected to fall asleep, but once he'd actually laid down, the soothing feeling of Chairman Meow's purrs combined with his exhaustion had pulled him into sleep much faster than he would have thought possible considering the circumstances. Alec smiled as he remembered his surprise when he'd woken up to see another mug of coffee on the table beside of the couch. They'd thanked Magnus as quickly as possible, Alec wanting nothing more than to hurry home and face the consequences of whatever was to come.

After spending almost an hour explaining everything to his parents who had made it back home shortly after they had, Alec had eventually collapsed into bed. The only thing he wanted at the moment was to rest on his own, to analyze the situation at hand without having to answer to anyone for his actions. Going over the past few days in his mind was almost maddening, but Alec knew it had to be done. He racked his brain, trying his hardest to think of any information that might help them discover where the Cup might be or even where Clary's mother might be.

The problem was that Alec knew next to nothing about Valentine and even less about Jocelyn. So analyzing their actions and trying to figure out what they might have done was impossible for him; it was only going to be possible for someone who knew their personalities and could make assumptions about their actions. Which meant that Clary was likely the only one who might be able to find the Cup before Valentine did, but that seemed to be a hopeless cause, especially without her memories.

Alec rolled over in bed, tamping down his frustration. Naturally, his father had placed all of the blame for their inability to find the Cup on Alec. He just wasn't trying hard enough. Or at least, that's what his parents thought. Simon being taken by the vampires was, or course, his fault as well. If he hadn't stormed out of Magnus's, it wouldn't have happened. But they hadn't told him anything that he hadn't told himself the night before. So Alec quickly decided that his best option at the moment was to head to the training room and try to take his stress out on a punching bag instead of laying around making things worse.

It wasn't long at all before Alec heard Jace's voice behind him, the anxiety in his parabatai's voice the only reason he stopped his training. "Clary and Simon left and I think they're most likely in trouble," Jace said, his eyes scanning Alec's face for a reaction. "Clary left a note saying that they were going to Luke's. I was thinking about it, and if I'm right, she's talking about Lucian Graymark. And if that's who he really is, then you and I both know that the Circle is looking for him. Which means that we need to find them before the Circle members find Luke and decide they want to question him about where the Cup might be." Alec sighed, resigning himself to the fact that Jace was right. So Alec simply followed Jace out of the training room without a word, hoping this mission to find Clary and Simon wouldn't be as much trouble as he suspected it would be.

.

.

.

Thankfully, Clary had actually had the forethought to leave Luke's address on her note, so that was one less thing they needed to worry about. But, naturally, by the time they'd gotten there, the door had been standing wide open. Alec knew that to any mundane who glanced by, things would look completely normal. But it was very easy for them to see that the place had been broken into, mostly likely by Circle members, and there was no telling what was going on inside. Before Alec had time to assess the situation at hand, Jace was rushing forward, slipping through the open door without so much as a word.

As Alec made his way through the door, he hadn't at all been prepared for a fight and certainly not the one before him. He didn't have time to reach to load his bow before one of the Circle members was swinging his seraph blade toward Alec. Alec was backing away and reaching for his own blade when Izzy's whip wrapped around the Circle member's wrist. He couldn't help but smile as the man's eyes went wide. He obviously hadn't been expecting them to fight back so quickly. Alec allowed himself to assess the scene before him as Izzy yanked the blade out of the man's hand; he all but sighed in relief when he realized that he didn't recognize either of the Circle members that were here today.

Jace seemed to be imploring Clary to leave, trying his hardest to get her out of the situation before anything horrible had the chance to happen. Luke was hopelessly tied to a chair, and Alec knew it would take far too long to free Luke at the moment, so he sighed and headed toward Simon who was slowly backing his way toward the wall as the second of the Circle members closed in on him. Naturally, this was going completely unnoticed by both Clary and Jace, their argument in full swing, Jace likely assuming that Izzy and Alec could handle the situation. Alec thought that as well, but what happened in the next few moments told him that they'd all been terribly wrong.

Alec made it in front of Simon in plenty of time, but what happened next was something he hadn't been prepared for at all. "How've you been, Prince Alexander?" the Circle member asked, his sneer something that Alec had been utterly prepared for from the moment they walked in. What he hadn't been prepared for was for the man to continue by saying, "Life must be pretty great now that you've finally confirmed your throne after getting rid of your brother, huh?" Alec's steps faltered at that and his entire world froze. How could anyone ever think that he'd wanted Gabriel dead? And for a stupid throne no less?

Alec was the one who recovered in time, Clary and Jace's immediate silence becoming enough to break him out of his thoughts long enough to keep from being hurt. The person who didn't seem to recover from this was Isabelle, and Alec helplessly watched as the Circle member she was fighting took the opportunity to free himself from the whip and use it to pull her to the ground. As quickly as possible, Alec moved to use the hilt of his own blade to knock the man he was fighting unconscious, scrambling to get to his sister's side. The last thing Alec wanted to do was kill either of the Circle members, and getting to Isabelle was his one and only option at the moment.

What Alec had been expecting was for a seraph blade to render Izzy incapable of fighting any longer, but what he hadn't been expecting was for the Circle member's knife to sink into Izzy's forearm. Jace expertly moved behind the man and used the same exact move as Alec to render this man incapable of fighting as well, but Alec no longer cared about what was happening. He was on the floor beside of Isabelle without a second thought, moving to rune Isabelle as she reached to yank the knife out.

"It won't help," Luke said from across the room. Alec whirled on him, the question all too evident in his expression. "That knife was soaked in poison," he continued, seemingly unconcerned about the look he was currently getting from Alec. "It's a poison the Circle regularly uses so it can't be healed with runes. I'm fairly certain that the only person who has ever successfully healed someone poisoned with it is Magnus Bane. You need to get her to him right now." Alec swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to tamp down the fear that was suddenly welling up inside of him.

.

.

.

Laying Isabelle on Magnus's couch was one of the hardest things Alec had ever done, but he forced himself to do so despite the fact that absolutely everything inside of him was screaming at him to stop. He forced himself to take several deep breaths, trying in vain to clear his mind and stop his fears. His mind was racing so quickly that he had no hope of catching up to it, and he knew that trying to slow it down would only make matters worse. Isabelle tried to flash him a smile through the pain that had been slowly ebbing over her, but Alec knew that it was only because she was trying to calm him now.

Despite every logical thought that Alec had, he still tensed up as Magnus came to kneel beside of him. He kept telling himself that Magnus was there to help, that his only option was to let this happen if he didn't want to watch his little sister die. But as Magnus reached his hands out, Alec flinched back nonetheless. "Don't touch her," he said, his voice more of a growl than anything else. Isabelle reached her hand out to him, but Alec backed away from it, his eyes turning to Magnus. "Don't you dare," he finished, watching as Magnus's eyes flashed with an emotion so clouded that Alec couldn't even begin to decipher it.

Alec felt Jace's hand land on his shoulder, and this time, he didn't move to shove Jace away. "I have to do this, Alec," Magnus responded, his voice slow and careful, as though he didn't want to overstep himself. "If we wait much longer, then we're going to lose her no matter what I do. I know your every instinct is telling you to stop me, but please let me do this. I swear to you that I will not harm her in any way. If I do, you're more than welcome to press charges." Alec blinked several times, trying to convince himself that he'd just heard Magnus correctly. For a member of the royal family to press any kind of charges against a Downworlder would almost always certainly mean death for that Downworlder.

For several long moments, Alec talked himself through the situation. Either Magnus was simply saying what he knew Alec wanted to hear or he actually meant what he was saying and he would take care of Isabelle far better than Alec himself could at the moment. Alec's eyes finally locked with Magnus's, and everything in him that had been holding on finally let go. The look in Magnus's eyes was unlike anything Alec had ever seen before, so genuine and open that it surprised him at first. He finally nodded and allowed Jace to move to help hold Isabelle still.

Yet Alec still couldn't help but flinch when Magnus began healing Isabelle. There was nothing inherently wrong with what Magnus was doing, and Alec knew that all too well. But he couldn't get his mind out of the past long enough to focus on what really mattered at the moment. Jace glanced over at him with a look of pity that would have enraged Alec had it come from anyone else. But Alec knew that Jace meant no harm by it, that it was his way of showing his concern for Alec. "You can leave, Alec. I've got everything under control," Jace said, a terrible gentleness to his voice that Alec was willing to bet he hadn't heard from Jace in years.

Alec considered this for several moments, wondering if that was really his best option. He was painfully aware of the fact that his heart was all but pounding out of his chest, that his palms were sweaty, that he was certainly sitting in the middle of his worst nightmare. But he also knew that his sister needed him, and that was more than enough to make him stay. He reached up to take Isabelle's hand, forcing himself to move closer to her even though that meant moving closer to the magic. "I'm not leaving her side," he stated, making his voice as strong and steady as possible. His family's needs would win out over his own fears every time; Alec had resigned himself to that fact long ago.

But putting that into practice was much easier said than done. Alec tried to watch Magnus work, but that only made him nauseous as soon as he saw the sparks shooting from Magnus's hands. He then tried to look at Isabelle, but seeing her face scrunched up in so much pain didn't exactly help the cause either. So Alec closed his eyes, trying to take his mind a million miles away from what was happening. He could feel the energy of Magnus's magic, almost as if it had an identity and a life of its own. Involuntarily, Alec reached for Gabriel's ring. It was so constantly on the chain around his neck that Alec had come to believe that it would soon be the only constant in his life.

Alec jumped ever so slightly when his phone began vibrating in his pocket, the feeling of it pulling him out of his mind and back into reality. Naturally his father wanted to know exactly what was going on. And naturally, all of the blame, from Clary's sneaking out to Isabelle's injury, was placed on Alec. "I have to go," Alec said as he hung up the phone. He said this mostly for Isabelle, but he was happy when Jace switched places with him, moving to take Isabelle's hand for him. Alec quickly moved around Magnus, despite the feeling of nausea that told him not to, and bent down to kiss Isabelle's forehead. He turned and walked out the door without another word, the feeling of all the things he'd just left unsaid lingering on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this note may get a bit long, so just bear with me for a minute!
> 
> First, I am currently at the beach, so I'm not entirely sure of when I'll be able to update this again. I'm here until Saturday, but then I move back in to my dorm on the 8th and begin working, so that complicates the matter a bit. In other words, please bear with me and be patient as I try my hardest to update.
> 
> Second, if you noticed, I changed the rating on this story. That is because in a chapter or possibly two, I will be including content that is far more explicit than anything I've written before regarding Magnus and Alec's first time. My goal is to write this story so that this content ends up in a chapter all by itself so that anyone who does not want to read it can skip that chapter and still understand the rest of the story. Even if that doesn't happen, I will put a warning before that begins in whatever chapter it ends up in. Thanks so much for sticking with me, and hopefully I'll see you all in a few days!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important life update: So on Tuesday the 9th (aka my birthday!) I will be moving back in to my dorm where I will be starting training for my new job. This training is going to take place for the next two weeks, and I got my schedule for it recently. And let's just say that I will basically be sleeping when I'm not in training. All of this to say that this means I'm not sure if I will be able to update this story (or any of my others) during these next two weeks.
> 
> I would like to get ahead of myself tonight as far as writing, that way I can hopefully have at least one more chapter done so I can post that at some point over the next couple of weeks, but that may not happen since I have so much to do to get ready to move again.
> 
> All that being said, I'm sorry if my next update comes a couple of weeks from now. I am going to try my hardest to get maybe two chapters ahead tonight or at least write a little each day so that I can post something. But again, that may not happen. So please bear with me!
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this story though! Let me know what you think of it so far, what you think might happen in the rest of the story, where you think Alec might go with all of this, literally any of your thoughts on it! Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope to see you guys soon!

Alec honestly had no idea what he was doing. He'd originally left the Institute with the intent of going for a walk and clearing his mind. After everything that had happened the day before, Alec's mind was a complete whirlwind, and he had no hope of getting it under control unless he worked through everything that was buzzing through his mind. And yet here he was, standing in front of Magnus's door yet again, wondering how on earth he'd ended up here of all places. Of course the things that were on his mind had dumped him in the absolute last place he wanted to go. Alec didn't even want to begin to think of what that might mean in regards to his subconscious.

He knew that it was going to take several moments to gather his thoughts and actually figure out whether he wanted to be there or not, so Alec leaned against the wall outside of the apartment complex, trying to clear his mind enough to figure out what he was going to do. He'd only left Isabelle in the infirmary after she'd finally insisted that she was fine so many times that she finally told Alec that she would not him unconscious herself if that was the only way to get him to rest. Getting rest would have been wonderful, except Alec's mind had been working so quickly that he couldn't even begin to so much as think of sleep.

Alec had no idea how his inability to sleep had actually led him to Magnus's, but the longer he thought about the entire situation, the more he understood what needed to be done. So Alec took the stairs to Magnus's as quickly as possible, reaching to knock on the door as soon as he made it all the way up, knowing that if he paused for even a moment that he would talk himself out of it. He couldn't help but smile at the surprise on Magnus's face when he answered the door; Alec knew all too well that he was the absolute last person Magnus had expected to see. Yet Alec was pleasantly surprised as well to see that Magnus was staring back at him without all the glitter and makeup he'd had the previous times Alec had seen him. It was obvious that Magnus hadn't been expecting any company today.

Magnus motioned for Alec to come in, his hand automatically going to his hair which was far from gelled in the way it normally was. "Don't worry about it; you look great," Alec said before he had time to even process the fact that he was saying it. He watched as Magnus's expression switched from one of thinly veiled discomfort to one of thinly veiled shock. The only thing apparently more surprising than seeing Alec at his door was hearing Alec try to take his nervousness away. Which was just as surprising to Alec himself, but he knew that it was the truth, that Magnus looked just as good, if not better, as he always did. And at that moment, that was all Alec really wanted Magnus to understand, even if he didn't want to admit to himself exactly why he felt that way.

It didn't take long, however, for Magnus to cut straight to the point and ask why Alec was really there. "I came here to thank you," Alec responded, deciding that being straightforward was the best choice for himself as well. The ghost of a smile flashed across Alec's face when he saw how shocked Magnus was at what he was saying. It wasn't very often that a Shadowhunter thanked a Downworlder for absolutely anything at all, least of all a member of the royal family. "You didn't have to help Isabelle, but you certainly didn't have to with me acting the way I was," Alec continued, trying to shove aside his horrible memories of the day before. "It seems to me like the number of things you've done for this family are quickly growing and my gratitude cannot begin to keep up."

Alec's eyes suddenly sank to the floor as he became overwhelmingly self-conscious for the first time since he'd entered the apartment. He quickly began slipping into doubts, wondering if he was really doing the right thing. "I also came to ask if you might like to go to dinner on Friday. Maybe somewhere mundane so you don't have to worry about being seen with the prince," Alec said, forcing each of the words out, smiling at Magnus's low chuckle when he detected the sarcasm in Alec's voice. Magnus stared at him for several long moments, giving Alec an utterly unreadable look, finally turning his expression into his lingering question. "Gabriel taught me a lot about being who I am despite being a prince, about finding a balance between duty and who I really am," Alec continued, hoping that he could explain himself to Magnus in a way that didn't make him seem insane.

"I feel like I've known you my whole life," Alec said, watching as Magnus's eyes curiously sparked with something that he couldn't decipher. "And yet I know next to nothing about you. I guess that all I really want is to get to know you, to go down the road that that may lead down, whatever kind of road that might be." Alec felt his nerves bubbling up inside of him as he watched Magnus's terribly warily look. It suddenly felt to him that the very idea of what he was asking was a longshot, possibly the longest shot he'd ever tried to take. Yet Gabriel had also taught him a lot about hope, so Alec kept up his hope until the last second, until Magnus finally spoke up and all but shattered it.

"I can see you have the best of intentions, Alec," Magnus replied, his voice slow and soft. "But I don't think you've completely thought this through yet. You're a prince, so I understand that you don't have to think about these kinds of things. But what happens if your father finds out. Last I knew, he was the type to jump to conclusions and ask questions later." Alec felt his heart drop when he realized that Magnus was right. If it was even thought that a Downworlder had any sort of romantic relationship with a member of the royal family, they would swiftly be punished. The biggest problem, the thing Alec had always struggled with the most, was that, throughout history, the Clave had always seemed to find a way to keep from punishing the prince or princess, that the Downworlder was always the one held accountable.

If Alec had learned anything at all from his royal history lessons, it was that the Shadowhunter was only ever given two choices, and only one of those had ever been chosen. They would either be allowed to abdicate their throne and title or they would be forced to sentence the Downworlder with high treason against the Clave. Alec's heart had been so heavy with the thought of what he wanted that he hadn't even stopped to think of things from Magnus's side. Alec suddenly felt a wave of immense guilt, but he also felt a stab of something much harsher. "I understand that, Magnus," he began, trying to keep his voice even. "But I would never let anything happen to you because of something I had done. After all you've done for me, I would never get you into something that I couldn't get you out of." Alec had no idea why he was pursuing this, but he figured that he could work out the reasons why at a later time.

The look Magnus was giving him was painful to say the least, but Alec refused to lower his eyes, not wanting to give Magnus any reason to suspect that he was lying. "Alright, Alec. For argument's sake, let's assume that this dinner happens, that something more comes from it, and that I stay safe and protected." Magnus voice was cold in a way Alec could only remember it being with Valentine. "What am I then? The prince's dirty little secret? I'm sorry, Alexander, but I want more than that from my life." Alec momentarily saw white, his anger flashing through him so quickly that he barely had time to recognize it.

"Do not call me Alexander," he said, his voice somehow even colder than Magnus's had been. He saw Magnus's own eyes flash with recognition, understanding what he had done in a matter of seconds. "Is that really what you think of me?" Alec asked, ignoring the look of pity that Magnus gave him. "That I would care so little about absolutely anyone that I would ever be selfish enough to ask them to be my dirty little secret? I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't want to make it work somehow. I may be a Shadowhunter, but I'm not a completely heartless one." Alec had no idea where any of this was coming from; he just knew that he wanted this to work more than anything. Realizing exactly what Magnus had done for him after all these years, Alec suddenly felt so touched and intrigued by Magnus that he genuinely wanted to get to know Magnus better, to start seeing what other surprises lay in the warlock's heart, to see where this could lead if it was allowed to go that far.

Alec couldn't deny the connection they'd had the couple of times they'd seen each other recently. And he knew that the emotions and sparks he felt weren't just from their past, that they were almost a hope for the future as well. But Magnus didn't seem to see it that way. "But you're still a Shadowhunter. And a royal one at that," Magnus said, his words tearing into Alec's heart. "Your duty will always win out over your wants and your emotions. Every time. I am not a fool, Alec. I've been around for long enough to know that when it comes to Shadowhunters, especially royal ones, that there is no place for Downworlders, least of all in a romantic way. I'm sorry, but I doubt you'd ever do anything to convince me otherwise." Alec kept his gaze level with Magnus's, almost imploring the warlock to see the genuineness in his eyes.

But even Alec knew when to fold, so he simply inclined his head, already racking his brain in an attempt to find things that truly could convince Magnus otherwise. "I see," he said, turning away from Magnus and toward the door, hoping with all his heart that he could find absolutely anything to turn the situation around. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Bane," he finished, hating himself as soon as he heard the bitterness to his words. As the door to Magnus's apartment shut behind him, Alec found himself becoming more determined than he'd ever been before. He no longer cared whether or not he actually ended up with Magnus. Alec simply wanted to show Magnus that he truly cared, that he wasn't just another entitled royal who was focused on himself and his duty. If it was the last thing he did, that was what he was going to show Magnus.

.

.

.

Alec found himself racing to the training room at his father's text. "Warlock child killed, another warlock captured. Most likely Circle. Investigation underway immediately. Gear up and head to training room," it had read, causing Alec's heart to flutter a bit in both anxiety and grief. Here was yet another life lost to Valentine and his insanity. Just the thought of it made Alec's heart ache as he put his gear on and raced down the hall. Yet Alec skidded to a halt as he entered the room only to find Magnus standing next to his father, the two of them obviously deep in conversation. Alec had spent the last week putting his all into figuring out how to convince Magnus that he cared, all of his efforts being in vain. And now here they were, both of them thrown into a situation in which Alec would play the role of the prince, the exact opposite of who he wanted to be around Magnus.

But Alec did the only thing he knew to do and went to stand between Jace and Izzy who were standing directly in front of Magnus and Robert, listening to them with expressions that told Alec they were none too happy. Alec tried to flash a quick smile at Magnus, but Robert was talking before Alec really had the time to think about anything else. "Ragnor Fell has been taken, and Magnus has received a sort of ransom note," Robert said, his voice entirely business. But Alec's eyes flicked to Magnus nonetheless. Ragnor's life was anything but simple business, and Alec didn't need to linger on Magnus's face to see the emotion he was trying to keep from overflowing. "We have reason to believe that he's been taken by the Circle. Our plan is for the three of you to follow Magnus while he meets with them, find out what's going on, and report back."

Alec's mind was suddenly working in overdrive. It didn't take long for Robert to confirm Alec's suspicions. "The three of you will be there to observe only. You are not to interfere with anything that happens." Alec turned to Magnus at that, knowing that the question was all too visible in his eyes. There was no way he'd heard his father correctly. If this really was the Circle, then sending Magnus there alone might just be equivalent to executing Magnus. It was common knowledge that Valentine wanted both Ragnor and Magnus dead, their power something that he wanted to take out of the equation when it came to his plan to take over the Shadow World. Alec began to shake his head before he really knew what he was doing, only tearing his eyes away from Magnus when he decided to confront his father on the matter.

"How can you ask us to keep from interfering?" Alec asked, his voice much steadier than he had thought it would have been. "You're talking about both Ragnor and Magnus's lives, and you know it. You're asking us to send Magnus to his death just so you can get a bit of information. The Clave won't care about a few Downworlder lives, and we all know that. The information about Valentine that you might gather would be useless in rallying the Clave against him. We either need to help Magnus with this current mission, or we need to back off long enough to get approval for a rescue mission." Alec stood his ground despite the look his father was giving him, the look that said Robert was outraged and wholly disappointed in his son.

"Magnus understands the dangers of this mission," Robert said, his voice changing from a tone of simple business to one full of royal authority. "You will do your duty, Alexander, or I will take you off of this mission and your brother and sister shall do this on their own." The look Robert gave him told Alec that his father understood just how little Alec wanted to let his siblings that close to Valentine or any Circle members without him by their side. "You are not to interfere with this mission in any way. Have I made myself clear?" Robert's gaze almost dared Alec to contend with him, to continue to defy his father and his duty. Alec's own gaze shifted momentarily back to Magnus, but he quickly lowered his eyes to the floor, unable to bear the thought of what Magnus might think of him at the moment.

Alec only leveled his eyes with his father's for long enough to respond. His one hope was that Jace could keep his own face straight long enough for him to make what he was about to say believable. Jace was the only one who was ever able to see through his lies, so Jace's expression was the only one he needed to worry about. "Yes, sir," Alec finally said, immediately turning to make his way out of the training room, knowing that the last thing he was going to do was sacrifice Magnus's life for a bit of useless information.

.

.

.

"Don't do anything stupid," Jace said, glancing over at Alec with suspicion filling his eyes. They were in position, watching Magnus who was already speaking with two Circle members. There were only supposed to be two Circle members meeting with Magnus, but Alec knew that there were most likely more in hiding, waiting for the signal. Two men were hardly a match for someone as powerful as Magnus, and they would certainly know that. They were staked out too far away to actually hear what was going on, but Alec was on high alert, his bow already loaded with an arrow just in case. He couldn't blame Jace for being on edge, but there was no way he was going to let anything happen to Magnus simply because his father thought they needed to know about what the Circle was doing.

Alec raised his bow and arrow to aim as one of the Circle members lifted his hand to his seraph blade. "No promises," Alec replied, his voice cold in a way that he hadn't meant for it to be. Magnus must have said something that the Circle members didn't particularly like because it was then that both of the men drew their blades, and Alec let his arrow fly into the leg of the one closest to Magnus without a second thought. The sudden appearance of the arrow was enough to distract the two men, but it just so happened to distract Magnus as well. Which would have been fine if another two Circle members hadn't appeared behind him as soon as the seraph blades had been drawn. Alec moved to jump over the ledge they had been hiding behind, but Jace reached up to hold him back.

"Do what you want, Jace," Alec said, wrestling his arm back from his parabatai. He winced when he heard Magnus cry out in pain; he didn't need to look back at the fight to know that someone had overpowered Magnus. "But I can't let an innocent man die or be captured simply because Dad doesn't value his life." Alec immediately turned back to the scene at hand before Jace had the time to say anything in response. He let another arrow fly as soon as he realized that Magnus had been badly wounded, blood gushing from the gash in his side at a rate that almost made Alec sick. Alec tried to stifle his surprise when Isabelle's whip wrapped around the arm of the man who had just cut Magnus, yanking his seraph blade out of his hand before he really had the time to realize that anything was happening to him.

With three of the four men out of the fight, Alec raced to Magnus's side, flinching at the way Magnus had slunk to the ground, grasping at his side in a feeble attempt to stop the bleeding. Alec idly registered the fact that the Circle members were retreating, the fourth man apparently realizing that they had lost the fight and moving to help the other three get out of the area as quickly as possible. Alec felt something twinge inside of him at the thought of letting those men get away, knowing that sparing their lives would likely mean allowing them to take the lives of more innocent people. But the pool of blood that was already by Magnus's side shoved all of those thoughts out of Alec's mind with a jolt. "Can you heal yourself?" Alec asked, his hand going to the wound to apply pressure within seconds.

Magnus seemed to analyze the situation for several long moments, and Alec began to wonder if he'd already lost too much blood. But he slowly began shaking his head. "Not like this," he said, his voice heavy and slow. "I don't have the strength to do it." Alec was highly aware of the fact that Jace and Isabelle were watching on with the most curious of stares, but he didn't care at the moment. Alec's first thought was to call Ragnor to heal Magnus, but he quickly realized that the thought of calling in another warlock to help was hopeless. Ragnor was the only other warlock he knew, and Ragnor was unavailable for obvious reasons. But then another idea came to Alec, and he swallowed both his pride and his fear, reaching to take Magnus's hand despite Magnus's expression and his own protesting mind.

"If you need strength, then take mine," he said, leveling his eyes with Magnus so the warlock would know that he meant it. "They teach us everything there is to know about Downworlders," he explained, hoping that Magnus would believe him before it was too late. "I know you can take strength from other people, so that's what you need to do now. Take my strength and heal yourself. Please, Magnus. Take it; it's yours." Magnus's breathing was becoming heavy and ragged, and Alec closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push out the thought of what that might mean. There was no way that they were already too late. That wasn't going to even be an option in his mind.

Alec forced himself to remain still as Magnus's hand tightened around his. "You're disobeying a direct order from your father?" Magnus said, his tone making it more of a question than a statement. Alec simply nodded, refusing to think about how angry his father would be, refusing to think of the repercussions that would surely be waiting for him when he got home. Alec shut his eyes once more as he felt Magnus's magic flowing through him, the terror welling up inside of him so quickly that it was terribly hard for him to tamp it down. Instead of focusing on the magic, instead of focusing on the past and all that had lead him to this moment, Alec focused on the feeling of Magnus's hand in his. He allowed Magnus's touch to anchor him down, to keep him from floating away in the sea of fear that was quickly rising around him.

When he finally opened his eyes, the only thing he could allow himself to look at was their hands that were entwined together. Alec kept reminding himself that the majority of the magic was actually happening to Magnus himself, but that only did so much to stifle his fears. When Magnus eventually let go of his hand, Alec looked up once more, relieved to see that color was flooding Magnus's face once more. He couldn't help but laugh as they both staggered to their feet, both equally weak from everything that had just happened. "We'll walk you home," Alec said, genuinely worried that Valentine might have ordered the men to follow Magnus. To his surprise, Jace and Isabelle didn't argue, Isabelle moving to help Magnus walk while Jace moved to help Alec. Alec shook his head when Jace glanced at him, urging his parabatai to keep from talking about what had just happened until they absolutely had to.

.

.

.

Alec nodded, trying to keep a smile off of his own face. "Worse, actually," he replied, trying to pretend like he wasn't terribly thrilled to see that Magnus looked infinitely better than he had when they'd parted the night before. "But somehow, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think he really expected me to do it if I'm being honest. If I were him, I would have expected me to do it." Alec sat down on the one bench in the room, grabbing his water bottle and motioning for Magnus to sit beside of him. He took a long drink of water while Magnus seemed to contemplate what he wanted to say next, almost worried by what Magnus might be thinking.

"Can I ask you why you did it?" Magnus asked, his eyes carefully trained on the floor. Alec wasn't sure that he'd ever seen Magnus seem so nervous in any way, and he idly wondered why Magnus might be nervous while he worked out how to answer Magnus's question. "It's just that most princes wouldn't disobey a direct order from their king, no matter the consequence of following said order. Especially if it meant the loss of a Downworlder life. Most Shadowhunters in general wouldn't have batted an eyelash at the thought of following that order." Magnus shifted in his seat when Alec chuckled. Alec finally realized that Magnus was simply confused about what had happened. He was all to right in saying that most Shadowhunters would have followed the order, and finding the one Shadowhunter who wouldn't follow it had to be terribly confusing.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my father," Alec began, studying Magnus's face for any change in expression at what he was about to say. "To me, an innocent life is an innocent life. I don't care who they are or what they are. No amount of information about Valentine's actions will ever be enough to outweigh the value of a life to me." Alec smiled when Magnus finally met his eyes, a look of soft surprise washing over his face. "Valentine and the Circle have already claimed far too many lives, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike. If there is ever any way I can keep him from claiming another, I will do so without hesitation, no matter the consequences, no matter who it is." Alec's smile widened when Magnus himself finally smiled as well.

Magnus shook his head ever so slightly, as though he couldn't really believe that Alec had just said those things. "Thank you," he finally replied, his voice full of an emotion that Alec couldn't really pin down. "I owe you now, and- no, no stop protesting," he added when Alec immediately began shaking his head. "Since I owe you now, I was thinking that I might take you up on that offer of dinner, if the offer is still on the table, of course." Alec wanted to ask where this was coming from. Magnus had been so set against it before that it Alec almost had trouble believing the words were coming out of Magnus's mouth. "You don't have to answer right now," he continued, getting up from his seat and heading toward the door. "If you decide that this is still something you want, then meet me at my place tonight at eight. Thank you again, Prince Alexander," Magnus said, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he said those last few words, making a show of bowing to Alec before he left the room. With a smile on his face, Alec immediately got up from his seat, heading toward his room to find something to wear for dinner that night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I am so, so, so, so, soooo sorry that it's been so long since I last updated this and anything at all! I've officially finished both training for my job and move-in weekend. I wasn't here at all during the past couple of weeks because my schedule as 8:00am-8:00pm, but even after we finished I still had duties that I did not have time to do during the scheduled part of the day.
> 
> That being said, please forgive me for being gone so long! Let me know your thoughts on the story and especially this chapter! I really hope you enjoyed it, and I really hope you're able to get back into it and get ready for it to start up again!
> 
> Classes start back tomorrow, so I'm not entirely sure of how often I will be able to update because my schedule is so packed, but I promise it will be back to being at least once a week, most likely more often than that.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

 

Alec knew he should be sleeping; he knew he would need his rest for the night that was to come. But his mind was a complete whirlwind, and he had no hope of calming it enough to get some rest before their mission. They had finally gotten approval from the Clave for a rescue mission for Ragnor, and they planned to use the cover of darkness that night to storm the building Valentine had told Magnus that he was holding Ragnor in. The problem was that it had already been just over a month since Magnus's meeting with Valentine, so they had no way of knowing if Ragnor was still alive, much less in the place that Valentine had said he would be. But Alec was going to help Magnus figure things out, no matter what it took from them.

But tonight, Alec's mind wasn't on Ragnor or the mission or anything else relating to Valentine. It was on Magnus, the way it often was these days. Their first date at a mundane diner had been just the success Alec had hoped it would be, and Alec couldn't help but smile at the thought of it. It had been awkward and slightly strange, but he loved to think about how things had progressed over the course of the month and a half, how they'd gone from being two people who were barely more than strangers with a past to two people who seemed to be connected more than anyone had ever been.

Alec had begun spending as much time with Magnus as humanly possible without raising suspicion. They'd started brainstorming places to take one another where neither of them would be recognized, which was much more of a challenge than Alec had first thought it would be, and it had become sort of a competition between the two of them. Alec had fallen into an easy routine, and he knew he was hopelessly falling for Magnus, but he also knew that trying to keep himself from doing so would also be hopeless. He was at his happiest when he was with Magnus, and that was something that he didn't want to see change.

Yet the more he thought about it, the more Alec began to wonder how they'd somehow managed to go so long without having any problems or even bumps in the road. The only thing they'd ever so much as even begun to argue about was the situation with Ragnor, and that had only really amounted to minor arguments about what they both thought was the best course of action. Alec truly didn't know how they'd gone so long without any problems, but Alec had the feeling that this mission might just be the beginning of some sort of problem.

After gearing up for the mission, Alec slipped on the jacket that Magnus had given him. Even after Alec had protested almost until he'd turned blue, Magnus had insisted that he take the replacement jacket, saying that the one Alec currently wore on missions was not fit for a prince with its faded color and various holes. Alec couldn't help but smile as he put the jacket on, almost laughing as he remembered his mother asking him if he was okay when he first began wearing it, almost as if she thought he was sick because of the seemingly sudden appearance of a fashion sense. Alec stubbly nodded at Magnus as he entered the library, swallowing the lump in his throat as he finally began to feel the weight of what they were going to be doing that night.

.

.

.

Alec shifted uncomfortably as they waited for the signal to come from his father, the signal to finally enter the building and begin the search for Ragnor. There were three groups going into the building, and Alec had bartered with Jace to end up with Magnus instead of Isabelle. They were currently across the building from Alec's parents, and the fact that they were going in as well did nothing to calm Alec's nerves. Alec knew his father would only do so much for Ragnor before giving up and saving himself, and that was the last thing that Alec wanted for Ragnor, so he held on to the hope that he and Magnus would be the ones to find Ragnor first. "Are you cold?" Alec suddenly asked when he saw how uncomfortable Magnus looked.

Magnus seemingly involuntarily smiled at that. They'd both quickly realized that it was in Alec's nature to take care of others, and it had become a bit of a joke between the two of them. It was now something that Alec had begun to notice, every time he had the urge to take care of someone, he would realize just how often he focused on other people instead of himself. It wasn't as though he truly meant to do so, he just simply continuously wanted to ensure that everyone around him was as happy and content as could be. "A little," Magnus admitted, but quickly shrugging it off. "But I'll be fine as soon as we start moving again. Besides, what would your parents think if they saw me in that jacket of yours?" he asked, the hint of a smile threatening the corners of his lips, his question automatically jumping into what Alec was thinking.

Alec sighed, knowing that Magnus was right, but not wanting to think about it in any way. "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure I would really care what they think any longer," Alec replied, smiling at the open surprise on Magnus's face. It wasn't a comment that either of them could take lightly, but Alec knew that he wouldn't have been able to say it at all if he hadn't actually meant it. "What?" he asked in acknowledgement of Magnus's expression. "What's the point in being happy when nobody knows it? What's the point in playing the perfect prince when that's honestly all my father seems to care about?" Magnus's expression seemed to change into something that Alec couldn't read. It almost seemed like he knew more than Alec did about the situation at hand, but before either of them had the chance to say anything at all, Alec received a text from his father, telling them that it was time to enter the building.

The last thing Alec wanted to do was to let Magnus go first, but that had been part of their deal. Magnus wanted to go first, he wanted to be in control of the situation as much as possible, he wanted to be the first to find Ragnor. Alec tried to calm his heart rate as they entered the building, his bow and arrow already loaded and pointed toward the ground, ready to aim and shoot at a moment's notice. As Alec's eyes automatically began scanning the hallway that they entered first, he idly noted the way in which Magnus seemed to be covering him in an almost protective sort of way. He wanted to smile at the thought, but he also wanted Magnus to focus on finding Ragnor instead of taking care of him. If there was one thing Alec felt he could always do, it was fight, and he knew he could do so without needing any extra protection or attention from Magnus. Not that Magnus's protective nature didn't all but melt his heart and make him want to smile.

The first demon they encountered almost caught Magnus off guard, but the demon was already disintegrating before it even really knew they were there, Alec automatically shooting an arrow without a second thought. Magnus gave Alec a look that said he was not at all surprised that Valentine was using demons as a protective measure. Alec knew that only someone as insane as Valentine could justify using demons, the very creatures they'd been sent to eradicate, for his own personal agenda. If the situation were different, Alec would have found Valentine's twisted mind interesting; he would have wanted to learn about the psychology of it, to learn how anyone could reason the way Valentine seemed to. He'd always made it a point to keep from asking too many questions about Valentine in general; Alec prefered to keep from thinking about the man who had taken his brother away from him. But he had to admit that the fascination over Valentine's mental state was very real to him.

They slowly made their way down the hallway, checking each room to make sure that Ragnor was not in it, taking out several demons as they did so. Alec was constantly on the watch for Valentine himself, though everything inside of him told him that they would be very unlikely to encounter Valentine. He was the type to hire people to do his dirty work for him, and that was something that Alec knew first hand. Yet every part of Alec's body, every last instinct he had was telling him to find Valentine and kill him for himself, something he'd been determined to do since Gabriel had been killed. But he also knew that Valentine was not to be underestimated, no matter how apparent his lack of mental stability might be. He was a mastermind for a reason, and Alec knew he needed to be cautious. But the adrenaline running through him from the fighting and searching wasn't doing anything to help him clear his mind.

Finding Ragnor alive was a miracle, and Alec knew it. He was badly injured, he was weak and could hardly so much as sit up on his own, but he was alive, and that was all that mattered. And thankfully, they got to him before anyone else did. Magnus raced to Ragnor's side without so much as glancing around the room to look for anything dangerous, but Alec had been entirely prepared for this as soon as he realized that Ragnor was in the room. So the demon closest to Magnus was taken out before Magnus even really knew it was there. He was on his knees beside of Ragnor almost as soon as Alec had reloaded his bow to take out the second demon headed for Magnus. It was easy for Alec to see that Magnus immediately threw up a protective ward around himself and Ragnor, and that was something that automatically made him relax. As long as Magnus was safe, Alec knew he could deal with whatever else were to come his way.

Alec reluctantly turned his attention from Ragnor and Magnus, satisfied enough with their protection to turn back to the demons that were now swarming into the room. The last thing Alec had expected was for Valentine to enter, his father right behind him. Alec had thought he was prepared for anything at all, but the sudden appearance of Valentine caught him so off guard that he stumbled, falling over his own feet in a way he hadn't since he'd begun training as a child. He tried to catch himself, he tried to compensate for it, but then the only remaining demon was on him, and he couldn't do anything to keep himself from hitting the ground, the demon's claws sinking into his leg far before he had time to register what was really happening.

He tried his hardest to ignore what Valentine was saying to his father and to focus on freeing his leg from the demon, but Valentine's words seemed to be sharper than the demon's claws, and they filled Alec's mind before he could even begin to filter them out. "Looks like my demons are doing my job for me," Valentine said as Alec tried to roll away from the demon's other set of claws. The problem was that his leg was still pinned by the first set of claws, so he couldn't roll far enough away to get completely out of the way. The claws raked down his arm, slicing through him so easily that it was terrifying. Alec could feel the demon's poison entering his body, but he also knew that he would be in far more danger of bleeding out than he was of dying from the poison. But he wouldn't have to worry about either of those things if the demon itself killed him within the next few seconds, which seemed more and more likely by the moment.

Alec could feel the blood soaking what was left of his pants' leg, but he was hopeless to do anything about it at all. He could feel his energy slowly draining with the blood, slowly washing away, he could feel his consciousness slowly ebbing away, and he was suddenly filled with a sort of terror he hadn't felt since Gabriel's death. As the pain of his wounds began to ebb away and became replaced by the darkness that was washing over him, Alec was not at all surprised to find his mind switching from the situation around him, from the demon and Valentine, to thoughts of Magnus. He would have been surprised if Magnus hadn't been the person he began thinking of as soon he realized how close to death he was. What did surprise him, however, was the very sudden lack of the demon's weight on top of him. Alec didn't need to sit up (not the he could have sat up if he'd wanted to) to know that the demon was gone because Magnus had used his magic to get rid of it. Magnus was by his side within seconds, but Alec was already shaking his head, reaching out with his good arm to stop Magnus from coming too close.

He felt his father begin applying healing runes to his skin, and Alec idly wondered what had happened with Valentine, but the terror he was feeling was completely overshadowing any of his curiosity. From that moment on, Alec washed in and out of consciousness so often that he barely had any idea of what was going on. But the one thing he did know was that he kept pushing Magnus away, kept rejecting any of Magnus's efforts to heal him with magic. The part of Alec's mind that was still functioning in some form kept telling him that he was doing so because he was terrified of the magic, even though he knew how irrational he was being. Watching Isabelle be healed with magic was far more painful than the thought of having magic used on himself, but it had been something Alec had stomached because his sister's life was so precious to him. But now that it was his life, the thought of being forced into being healed with magic was almost too much for him to bear.

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.

Alec had idly registered Magnus saying that he would need to get Alec back to his place, that he would need certain supplies in order to help with the healing process. He'd barely registered being moved to Magnus's and being placed in the very room that Gabriel had died in. The first thing he was truly able to focus on after several long minutes that stretched on for what seemed like hours was Magnus's face above his, Magnus's hand on his shoulder, so gentle that it was astonishing. "Alexander, listen to me," Magnus was saying, his voice clearly panicked. "I have to heal you with magic. The runes aren't working anymore. Your blood is probably more poison than blood at this point. You have to let me heal you or you're going to leave me." Alec registered the way Magnus's voice cracked at the end, but that wasn't enough to break him out of his terror.

Turning his head was excruciating, but Alec did so long enough to see that both of his parents were not in the room with them, that Jace and Isabelle were there. Jace's eyes were wider than Alec had ever seen them before, but as soon as Alec turned his head, Jace moved to his side, reaching out to try to hold him still. Alec shook his head once more, trying his best to speak up, the lack of energy making it hard for him to speak clearly. "No magic," he said, his voice heavy with the darkness that was threatening to take him over. "I don't want you to use magic. Please." Alec forced every last word out of his mouth, forcing himself to stay awake despite the force that was pulling on his more and more with every passing second.

He watched as Magnus turned to Jace, obviously searching for help, reaching for anything at all. Alec tried to tell himself that he was being irrational, he tried reminding himself that Magnus had never hurt him before, that Magnus would not hurt him now. But none of that seemed to help in any way, none of that calmed the terror that he was feeling, none of that could erase the past. Magnus took his hand, and Alec tried to pull away, but Magnus tightened his grip enough to keep his hand in place. "What's your favorite thing about Idris?" Magnus suddenly asked, his voice changing so stubbly that Alec couldn't clearly pick up on the changes in his current mental state.

After several prolonged moments, Alec finally answered, his voice much heavier than it had been just moments before. "The night sky," he said, wishing he could smile at the thought of it. The sky in Idris had always made him happy. Both he and Gabriel had always loved just how different the sky looked in Idris, how it was constantly gorgeous no matter the weather or the time of day. It was so startlingly different from the sky in New York that Alec often longed for a picture of it. But the night sky in Idris was always the most beautiful to him, the stars shining in a way they never did in New York. Alec saw Magnus motion toward the ceiling, and he looked up to see a perfect representation of what he would call the night sky in Idris. His mind was very logically telling him that Magnus was using magic to make this, but it was so beautiful that he couldn't seem to find it in himself to be scared of it.

"I want you to keep your eyes right there, Alexander," Magnus said, his voice terribly gentle in a way that Alec hadn't heard it before. "I will not hurt you, of that I swear. You just keep your eyes up there, and don't you dare think of what I'm doing. Find a happy place, Alec. Do whatever you have to do to keep your mind out of this room and on something else. I have to do this for you; I would never forgive myself if I lost you today, no matter how long I lived." Alec closed his eyes for several long seconds, finally opening them to look past Magnus and Jace and to look at the ceiling. It took several more moments for him to reluctantly nod, earning a sigh of relief from Magnus.

The feeling of Magnus's magic washing over him brought on a whole new bought of terror, but Alec shoved that down, trying to do exactly what Magnus had told him to do. The image Magnus had created was more like looking at the real thing than looking at a ceiling painted like the night sky. What Alec was looking at was continually moving, the lights of the stars swirling and shining in a way that almost made him forget about what was happening to him. Yet what truly helped him to forget about the situation enough to relax and stop fighting Magnus was actually Magnus himself. "The next chance we get, we're going to go star-gazing in Idris," Magnus said, his voice low and soft. "We'll stay at Ragnor's house in the country, just the two of us, for a few days. You can forget about everything, forget about your duty to your family and your throne, forget about the past, forget about everything that's holding you down right now. Lose it all in the night sky if that's what it takes, Alexander."

Alec quickly began focusing on the feeling of Magnus's hand in his as Magnus continued talking, Magnus's touch anchoring him in reality, not allowing him to float away in his fear. As Magnus began describing the time they would spend together, Alec felt himself relaxing, almost against his own will. When the pain subsided completely, when the feeling of Magnus's magic stopped washing over him, Alec squeezed Magnus's hand that might tighter, trying to keep Magnus from leaving his side. But Magnus was much stronger than he was at the moment, and Magnus's hand left his despite his efforts, but when his parents entered the room, ALec quickly realized why Magnus had done so. With a start, Alec realized that the ceiling had returned to normal, that the beautiful sky Magnus had created was now just a memory. Alec allowed the darkness to wash over him this time, letting sleep peacefully take him without a second thought, the peace flowing over him more so due to Magnus than to the sleep that was taking him over.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* This chapter contains mature content of a sexual nature. I know it is not my usual style of writing, so if you are uncomfortable with this, you can skip this chapter without missing any terribly major parts of the overall plot line.
> 
> So I know this isn't usually my style, so I put the warning here just in case! If you are planning on reading it, just know that it might not be considered "smut" in the way that you might think. Just bear with me as I find my style in this one, but I wanted to focus more on Alec's feelings about the situation than the actual physical act of sex. Because to me, it's not really about the physical pleasure when it comes down to it. For both Magnus and Alec at this point in the story, it's about simply being with one another, as Alec will surely explain in the chapter.
> 
> Tomorrow is my very full day of classes, and tonight I'm on duty for my residence hall. So really the only reason this is being posted tonight is because it was already written before I even moved in, I just had to make a few small changes. Meaning that I most likely will not be posting another chapter tomorrow, but it will probably be the weekend before I get to that.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me, and definitely let me know your thoughts on this chapter! I would love to know how you think I did with this one!

_***Warning* This chapter contains mature content of a sexual nature. I know it is not my usual style of writing, so if you are uncomfortable with this, you can skip this chapter without missing any terribly major parts of the overall plot line.** _

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"Don't you ever do that to me again." Alec was terribly surprised by the forcefulness of Magnus's voice as Alec finally walked back into his apartment the next night after spending all day trying to convince his parents that he was fine. He wasn't sure that he'd ever heard Magnus be so cold with him, and the change in tone was so sudden that it left Alec speechless. Had the past few days meant something entirely different to him than what it had meant to Alec? "You scared the hell out of me, Alexander," Magnus finally clarified, his voice losing just a hint of its force and bitterness when he hit Alec's name. Sometimes, it seemed to Alec that Magnus was highly incapable of keeping an angry tone to his voice while saying Alec's name. "I thought I was going to lose you," he continued, his voice finally returning normal, to the tone Alec had grown to love.

"I mostly thought I was going to lose you because of your fear," Magnus said, getting up from where he was sitting on the couch and busying himself with anything he could find to do. Alec could see Magnus's anxiety in the way that he carried himself, and all he wanted to do at the moment was take that away from him. "I didn't think you were going to calm down in time for me to heal you. And I know that isn't your fault." Magnus's voice was picking up speed, his nerves finally catching up with his words. "And I know I probably should have just used my magic to put you to sleep, but I," Magnus paused, his eyes finally returning to Alec instead of the meaningless tasks he had given himself to do. "But I couldn't betray your trust like that. And maybe that makes me stupid, but I've heard that love makes us do stupid things."

Alec smiled at that, knowing that Magnus was still slightly hesitant of straightforwardly saying, "I love you." Alec knew he'd caught Magnus off guard by saying it first, doing so when they were simply wrapped up together on the couch watching a movie. He'd always seemed to sense that Magnus wanted Alec to set the pace of their relationship, that Magnus was afraid of overstepping himself because he was far more used to dating than Alec was. So Alec had been doing everything he knew how to show Magnus that he didn't need to be so nervous when it came to Alec's feelings for him. Or his own feelings for Alec.

Alec repressed a slight wince as he moved to Magnus's side, the pain of the poison still lingering ever so slightly. He couldn't help but smile when Magnus moved to help him. Alec took Magnus's hands, using them to pull Magnus toward him after he'd gotten up. As he always did, Alec sighed in pure contentment when his lips found Magnus's. As soon as their lips touched, Alec felt like a spark had been set off between them. In the beginning, Alec had thought that this feeling was because he was so new to the sensation itself, but he'd recently begun to doubt that it would ever go away. The only way he could describe the sensation was to think of it as pure, charged passion, and he greatly doubted that this would ever change. He couldn't keep from smiling against Magnus's lips, the smile all but interrupting their kiss.

After just a few seconds, Magnus pulled away, and Alec found himself trying to chase their kiss, not wanting it to end in any way. "Are you sure you're feeling well enough for this, Alexander?" Magnus asked, his voice full of concern. The only way Alec felt like answering Magnus was with another kiss, and this time, Magnus responded fully, welcoming Alec's touch much more than he had just moments before. Alec lost himself in the kiss, just like he always did, Magnus's touch seemingly making him melt despite his every effort to not seem too eager. He gladly let Magnus take control, knowing that Magnus's experience was much more useful than his own.

When Magnus moved to gently back him against the wall, Alec's first instinct was to move to where he had a way to escape. But then Magnus intensified the kiss, and Alec kicked his warrior instinct to the side. There was something so wildly different about what they were doing, and Alec couldn't seem to pin it down. Sure, they'd kissed and made out plenty of times, but this time it seemed like there were infinitely more amounts of emotion packed behind every single movement of theirs. This time, it felt like Magnus was trying to tell Alec how he felt without saying a single word, like he wanted Alec know he loved him just by the way he was moving, just by the way he was making Alec's skin come alive with every last touch. Every single inch of Alec's skin that was touching Magnus's felt alive with energy, with a magic of its own that was so intense it almost made Alec dizzy.

Alec was highly aware of the fact that his heart rate was steadily increasing, that his breathing was becoming more and more shallow and ragged by the second, but he was even more aware of the fact that the same was happening to Magnus. He reached up to weave his fingers through Magnus's hair, even the soft feeling of the warlock's hair lighting his fingertips on fire. When Magnus moved away from his lips and began tracing terribly, agonizingly gentle kisses down his neck, Alec found himself faintly moaning in a mixture of surprise and pleasure. Each and every kiss lighting a fire within him that he was slowly losing control of. Alec took several deep breaths when Magnus paused, his lips lingering just above Alec's skin. The feeling of Magnus's breath on his skin was almost maddening, the sensation just enough to keep the fire warm. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, inadvertently closing the gap between his skin and Magnus's lips.

Once again, Magnus willingly reacted, taking Alec's open invitation just the way Alec wanted him to. Alec found it remarkably easy to lose himself in Magnus's touch. Everything he had was focused on the places that Magnus's lips landed, his skin never failing to come alive as though it was under Magnus's command. Up until this point, Magnus's hands had been resting against the wall on either side of Alec's head. But suddenly, Magnus reached down to lace his fingers through Alec's belt loop, pulling Alec closer toward him without hesitation. Alec couldn't help but gasp in surprise as Magnus closed the remaining gap between them. Magnus's movements were so charged with emotion, so full of desire that they caught him off guard and caused him to lose his breath for just a few moments.

It was then that Magnus truly pulled away, and Alec opened his eyes, looking down at Magnus with confusion written in every line of his face. "Alec," Magnus said, his voice just as heavy as his breathing. "If you need me to stop, if I'm rushing things, tell me." Alec scrunched his face in even greater confusion; why couldn't Magnus see just how much he wanted this too? Was there something he was doing wrong, something that made Magnus think he was hesitant to do this? "Because I know I often rush things because after four hundred years I don't really have a very good sense of time, and I don't want to ruin this by doing that to you, and-" Alec cut Magnus short with a gentle kiss. This time, however, Alec pulled away on his own, looking back at Magnus with an incredibly open smile on his face.

"Magnus," he began, noticing with amusement that his voice was just as heavy as Magnus's had been, not that he had really been expecting anything less. "Stop second-guessing yourself. If I didn't want this, I would have already stopped you myself. I've been all but melting at your every touch if that doesn't show you how much I want this. I love you, Magnus," Alec continued, fully aware of how gentle his voice was becoming, of how emotionally raw it was, showing his love for Magnus without shame. "Now, if you don't pick up where you left off, I think I'm going to be forced to do it myself for fear of going mad otherwise." Alec watched as Magnus's face softened, his eyes suddenly becoming clouded with emotion that genuinely hoped was love.

Alec felt his entire body sigh into Magnus's when the warlock finally brought their lips together once more. Magnus's fingers left Alec's belt loops, his hands coming to rest ever so gently on Alec's hips, and Alec let Magnus use this to lead him into the bedroom. Except the walk to the bedroom didn't go as Magnus had likely planned. Alec intensified their kiss about halfway there, only causing Magnus to respond with another flourish of passion, and suddenly they were against the wall once again. This time, however, it was Alec's turn to reach and pull Magnus toward him, suddenly feeling like the other man was agonizingly far away from him. He felt Magnus smile into their kiss, and they all but staggered the rest of the way to Magnus's room, Alec refusing to let go long enough for them to walk properly.

The shock of having Magnus pull away and detach himself from Alec was enough to pull Alec back into the reality of things with a jolt. But he laughed when he realized that Magnus had only pulled away because he was moving to take Chairman Meow off the bed. Alec sat down as Magnus placed the cat in the hallway, shutting the door behind him, and suddenly, Alec felt awkward and unsure of himself. When they'd made their way into the room, he hadn't had the time to think of what to do, but now he was simply sitting on the bed, and he realized that he had no idea of how to pick up and continue things. Alec swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat as Magnus momentarily paused to look at him, wondering what Magnus could possibly be thinking about at the moment.

And suddenly Alec was questioning himself, wondering whether he was truly good enough for Magnus, looking down at his feet, unable to meet the warlock's eyes any longer. "Come here," Magnus said, moving to stand in front of Alec and bending down to kiss him again before Alec had the time to think about what was happening. This time, Magnus was incredibly gentle, and Alec couldn't help but close his eyes in contentment. But before long, he felt the pressure building in him once again, the need for more, the urgency that began filling every last fiber of his being. And then suddenly he was intensifying the kiss, parting Magnus's lips with his tongue for the first time; he'd always let Magnus make moves like that, but now he found himself needing more and he was unable to hold himself back. It was then that Alec shoved every last one of his doubts aside, reaching up to tug at Magnus's shirt, imploring Magnus to take it off.

"Slowly, my darling," Magnus said, once again moving his lips toward Alec's neck. "We have plenty of time." With each and every well placed kiss, Magnus slowly lowered Alec back onto the bed, expertly shifting so that his own weight was distributed over Alec as best as possible. Alec closed his eyes once more, drowning himself in Magnus. Every time he felt the warmth of Magnus's lips on his, Alec all but shuddered in pleasure, finally allowing himself to relax enough to truly enjoy what was happening. It didn't take very long for Magnus to finally oblige him, riding both of them of their shirts within seconds. Alec smiled up at Magnus, reaching up to gently trace the other man's abs, watching in pleasure at the way Magnus's body reacted to his touch.

Magnus paused for several long moments, and Alec began to wonder whether the warlock was going to stop altogether, but Magnus finally spoke up again, freeing him from that fear. "Alexander," he said, his voice full of a desire that Alec had never before heard from him. Moving back down toward Alec to resume the kissing he'd interrupted earlier, Magnus began kissing Alec's neck again, but this time the trail of kisses didn't stop and Magnus continued down Alec's body now that he was no longer inhibited by clothing. Alec's mind went into overdrive, the sensation of Magnus's lips sending chills throughout his body. His doubts were still clouding his mind despite the fact that he was desperately trying to shove them out of his mind; he'd never really thought of himself as so much as attractive, but the way Magnus's lips were lingering on his skin was making him second guess that thought, each kiss taking away yet another insecurity and making him feel sexy.

Magnus stopped before he reached Alec's abs, looking up at Alec for a moment, the smile on his face unlike anything Alec had ever seen before. "You're gorgeous," Magnus said before resuming the kissing, catching Alec by surprise more than anything. That only sent Alec into another fit of thoughts. He reached up to run his fingers through Magnus's hair, sighing when Magnus smiled against his skin, trying yet again to shove his various thoughts and doubts aside. He couldn't keep from wondering, however, how Magnus was feeling about the various scars his lips were tracing over. Alec knew that most of his body was covered in scars; whether they were from runes or the battles themselves, his skin was laced with them. But the next of Magnus's kisses drove that fear away, Alec reminding himself that they wouldn't be doing this if it truly bothered Magnus.

Alec felt his entire body involuntarily shiver in pleasure and anticipation as Magnus's lips landed just above his belt buckle. Magnus was painfully slow at reaching up to undo Alec's belt, and Alec found himself biting his lower lip, trying his hardest to keep his emotions at bay. Alec let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding when he felt his belt slide out from underneath him. When he suddenly felt Magnus's lips on his once more, Alec knew that Magnus was trying to slow things down a bit, but he found himself not caring in the slightest. This time around, Alec let his hands explore Magnus's body in a way that almost felt like he was trying to memorize every last inch of the other man. "Are you sure you want this?" Magnus asked, a slight edge to his voice that hadn't been there before.

"How many times are we going to go over this, Magnus?" Alec asked, his voice strained with his own desire. "Can't you tell how much I want this?" Almost as soon as he'd said this, Magnus seemed to decide that this was the best time to finally rid them both of their remaining clothes, and Alec was far from protesting. Alec's mind was a whirlwind, and he had no idea of how to calm the storm that was raging inside of him. Each and every touch of Magnus's was like lightning on his skin as Magnus began exploring the entirety of Alec's body. Deep down he desperately wanted to be able to make Magnus feel the way he was currently feeling; he wanted nothing more than to reciprocate everything that was happening, but Alec felt the way every movement of Magnus's was terribly deliberate in an expert sort of way and he held himself back.

Surely it would take much more than the things Alec knew how to do to actually please Magnus. Right? Alec racked his brain for what to do, putting everything he had into finding some way to do for Magnus what Magnus was doing for him. Yet when Alec reached for Magnus, when he reached to take over and to try to turn the tables, Magnus held him back. "Not just yet," Magnus whispered in his ear, even the sound of his voice sparking something in Alec's mind. "Let me please you first, then we can worry about me," he said, returning his lips to Alec's neck as he moved to decidedly take control, placing himself on top of Alec before Alec had any time to react.

From that moment forward, Alec lost himself completely and utterly in Magnus in a way that was much different than what he had previously done. He felt as though every inch of Magnus was covering every inch of him, and even then he still wanted more. His mind began to calm down, the whirlwind of doubts that it had been before turning into a breeze of thoughts that consisted only of Magnus. Alec finally allowed himself to begin moving against Magnus, knowing that his movements were awkward and clumsy but realizing that they were all he had to give. Magnus seemed slightly surprised when this happened, the sudden change in Alec's demeanor catching him off guard at first. It was Alec's turn to feel caught off guard when Magnus seemed unable to suppress a moan, his surprise and the desire of the moment catching up with him.

Hearing Magnus moan in this way was maddening for Alec. He was accustomed to hearing people moan in pain, the life of a warrior giving him plenty of opportunities to acclimate himself to this. But hearing the raw passion from Magnus was incredibly new to him; the love and desire that the other man felt escaping his lips in a way that was so shameless it touched Alec in ways he'd never felt before. He moved to cover Magnus's moan with a kiss, moving his body against Magnus's once more, attempting to channel all of his passion into his movements so that Magnus would know just how much he reciprocated Magnus's feelings.

As Alec seemed to finally find the correct rhythm, his body finally falling in tandem with Magnus's, Magnus pressed their foreheads together. The look in Magnus's eyes was one that Alec had never before seen, the fire Alec felt inside himself perfectly mirrored in every line of Magnus's face. When Magnus spoke up, Alec had to spend several seconds convincing himself that he'd heard the warlock correctly. "I love you, my Alexander," Magnus said, closing his eyes in what Alec assumed was pleasure. Alec barely had time to process the fact that Magnus had finally stopped implying his love and had simply admitted it when Magnus opened his eyes once more.

The soft yellow cat's eyes staring back at him were a far cry from the deep brown of the eyes that had been staring at him just moments before. Yet somehow, Alec didn't tense up, he didn't pause, or even make so much as a noise to indicate his surprise. It only took him a moment to understand that he was finally staring back at Magnus's warlock's mark for the very first time. Magnus had kept it so carefully hidden until now, and Alec realized that Magnus had dropped his glamor accidentally, the passion of the moment distracting him from the magic that he so constantly used. And although Alec knew that Magnus hadn't done this on purpose, it sparked something inside him nonetheless. Suddenly seeing the real Magnus for the first time in his life loosened something deep down inside of Alec, and he finally truly let go.

From that moment on, Alec focused on saying, "I love you," with his body. All he wanted at the moment was for Magnus to realize just how much it all meant to him without having to utter a single word. He could no longer tell where he ended and Magnus started, and that was exactly how Alec wanted it. He no longer cared if he was clumsy or awkward or if he wasn't half as good at this as Magnus was. All Alec was focused on was looking into Magnus's eyes and seeing the sheer pleasure that rested in them. The only thing Alec cared about now was being himself; if Magnus could show his true self, even if it was inadvertently, then the least Alec could do, the one thing he owed to Magnus was for him to give his all as well.


	9. Chapter 9

Waking up the next morning was like waking up from a dream, except for the fact that it didn't take Alec long to realize that everything that had happened the night before had been the best reality that it could possibly be. He was slightly surprised, however, to wake up without the feeling of Magnus by his side. It was almost as though he'd simply expected Magnus to be with him, almost as much as he expected to wake up with breath in his lungs. But then the strong smell of coffee hit Alec and he became even more surprised. He wasn't sure that Magnus had ever woken up before him, but he was even less sure that Magnus had ever gotten up early enough to make them coffee before Alec got to it himself. So Alec got up as quickly as possible, throwing on a sweater and making his way to the kitchen.

He took great pleasure in wrapping his arms around Magnus from behind, smiling as Magnus turned around in his arms, momentarily forgetting about the coffee and breakfast that Magnus had been preparing. It was a very pleasant surprise to see that Magnus's glamour was still down, that the eyes staring back at him were golden cat's eyes, but something inside of Alec told him that Magnus still hadn't realized that his glamour was down. But Alec couldn't find it in himself to comment on it; he couldn't figure out how to ask Magnus about them, so he ate breakfast without doing so, taking joy in just being with Magnus instead of making a potential problem out of nothing.

Breakfast seemed much easier than normal, like things had suddenly eased for the two of them, like all the worry and stress over their almost taboo relationship was gone. But the longer they went without Magnus throwing his glamour back up, the more curious Alec became, the more he knew he needed to say something about it all. With every passing second, Alec knew that it was becoming more and more likely for Magnus to realize that his energy wasn't going toward supplying his glamour and when that happened he would automatically put it back up. So when they finally sat down together on the couch, Alec wrapped his arm through Magnus's, bracing himself for the conversation that was to come.

As Magnus reached for the remote, as he did most mornings, watching the news at the same time every day just to stay on top of things, Alec reached out to place his hand over Magnus's. When Magnus looked at him with the question in his eyes, Alec forced himself to begin speaking. "I just want you to know how beautiful your eyes are," Alec said before he had the time to talk himself out of it. Alec had expected surprise to flash across Magnus's face, he'd expected Magnus to be slightly confused and highly shocked, but what how Magnus showed it was something that truly surprised him.

Alec watched as Magnus lowered his eyes to their hands, quickly realizing exactly what Alec was talking about. He began blinking slowly, seemingly unsure of himself, but Alec easily noticed that with each and every blink, his eyes looked different. One blink would reveal Magnus's real eyes, the next would reveal that the glamour was back in place. It wasn't hard to see that Magnus had no control over this, that he was doing so involuntarily, that he was so nervous and taken aback that his body was taking over for him in his surprise. Alec wrapped his fingers around Magnus's hand as gently as possible, trying his best to communicate the truth of his words in the way he was attempting to comfort Magnus.

"I'm sorry, Alexander," Magnus said, his voice faster than normal, as if he truly wanted to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible. "I never meant for that to happen. I don't know how long my glamour's been down, but I can assure that I never meant for it to happen. I-" Alec reached up to rub a thumb across Magnus's cheek, effectively cutting Magnus off mid-sentence. At first, Alec was at a loss for words, so completely thrown off by the turn things had taken that he wasn't entirely sure of what he needed to do in order to help Magnus understand just how he was feeling.

"What are you apologizing for?" Alec finally asked after several long seconds of silence. "You haven't done anything wrong in any way. All you've done is show me the real you, and that's so much more than I could ever ask for. You are absolutely stunning in every single way, shape, and form. You're gorgeous with glamor, but you're just as marvelous without it, dare I say even more so." Alec hadn't really expected Magnus to shake his head in response, but he sighed in slight frustration as Magnus did just that, not actually truly surprised by it.

Magnus refused to look back at Alec, but his eyes finally settled, heartbreakingly ending with his glamour back in place. "I'm not lying to you just to make you feel better," Alec said, smiling at the look Magnus gave him. "I can see it in your expression, Magnus. But I mean absolutely every syllable of every word I'm saying to you. If you don't want to let your glamour down, then I completely understand. But please believe me when I tell you that I think you are without a doubt the most stunning person I've ever seen. Your eyes are incredibly gorgeous, just trust me on this one, Magnus."

Alec couldn't help but smile as Magnus leaned in to him, pressing their lips together incredibly softly, as though he didn't want to take away the meaning of the moment with any urgency. After several seconds that stretched out into what felt like eternity, Magnus pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. "Thank you," was all Magnus said before he completely pulled away, wrapping his arms around Alec and reaching for the remote once more. Alec knew that there would be no more of that conversation for the day, but he understood that it certainly wouldn't be their last conversation about it.

.

.

.

The next couple of weeks were relatively uneventful, so much so that Alec finally found himself relaxing into his relationship with Magnus. Having Ragnor back was such an incredible relief to both of them, that they were finally able to truly enjoy what was right in front of them. Not that they hadn't been terribly happy before, but now it seemed as though all of their problems and worries were essentially melting away before their eyes. Alec was slightly nervous that night, but that was mostly because he knew that any interaction between his father and Magnus was a bit of a high risk. And today, his father had decided that he needed to have a meeting with all the Downworlder leaders.

So Alec was sitting beside his father, trying to pretend that he wasn't at all concerned about when Magnus was going to show up, all but blocking out everything that the projected image of Raphael Santiago was saying. But then Alec was unwillingly pulled into the conversation by his father, and by the time he realized that Magnus had actually entered the room, Alec was hearing Isabelle say, "Magnus! Your eyes!" Magnus automatically dropped his eyes toward the floor, but Alec couldn't help but smile as he realized that Magnus's glamour hadn't reappeared even though his gaze had fallen. "They're beautiful," Isabelle finished, leveling her own gaze with their father's in a way that made Alec want to laugh.

It was clear from the way that Robert was gazing at his daughter, from the way that he cleared his throat and began the conversation despite the fact that Luke wasn't there yet that Robert very pointedly wanted to ignore what Isabelle had said. Alec slowly turned his attention away from what his father was saying, easily realizing that the meeting was more of a ceremony than anything else. His father wanted to assert his supposed superiority, he wanted to let the Downworld know that he and the Clave were in charge and that they were the authority, especially when it came to the situation with Valentine. His father knew how to very carefully manipulate politics, especially when it came to politics involving Downworlders.

What did amuse Alec, however, was Raphael and Magnus's communications throughout Robert's speech. Alec knew that they were terribly close, their very frequent and meaningful glances enough to tell him that they could easily communicate through the simplest of expressions. Alec was so focused on their communication that he jumped in surprise when Luke rushed into the room, his hands covered in someone else's blood. "Sorry I'm so late," he said, his voice much more frantic than Alec had ever heard it before. "But I'm afraid that I'm going to have to cut this meeting short. I was called about a werewolf child who was murdered. Looks demonic in nature. I'm going to need help with the crime scene." His father was in action as soon as Luke had finished his explanation, which came as somewhat of a surprise to Alec. Alec knew better than anyone else that his father never prioritized Downworlder lives, so Robert was most likely trying to make a good impression.

Robert sanctioned several of his men to go back out with Luke and Magnus, apparently thinking that Magnus would be able to study the scene from a magical standpoint. Just as Alec got up to follow them out, Robert stopped him. "Not you, Alexander," he said, his voice betraying the fact that what he wanted to say to Alec wasn't something he was looking forward to. "We need to talk," Robert finished as he let Isabelle and Jace leave the room with Luke, his voice much flatter and colder than it normally was.

Alec sat back down, but before Robert could say anything else, the door opened once more, this time revealing Lydia. Alec couldn't help but get up to hug her, genuinely happy to see her, his smile appearing terribly easily. "What are you doing here?" he asked her, hoping that his voice wasn't betraying his suspicion. Lydia looked up at him with confusion written across her face, clearly feeling as though Alec was already supposed to know the answer to that question.

"Didn't your father tell you?" She asked, pausing while Alec turned to look at his father, throwing the question at Robert but knowing that this was what Robert wanted to talk to him about. "I'm sorry, I thought you already knew," Lydia continued, her voice becoming much gentler than it had been before. "Both of our fathers came to an agreement," she said, her eyes darting to the floor. "They've arranged our marriage. Alec, we're engaged now." It was then that Alec did something he'd never done before. He pushed past Lydia without a word, ignoring his father's words and rushing out of the room before anything else could be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for how long it's taken me to update. Also again, my next update will likely be just as far in the future as this one was. This may sound weird, but when you've waited forever and it seems like I'm not going to update, please refrain from commenting just to ask me to do so. That only upsets me and keeps me from wanting to update because I have explained many, many times how busy I am. If you would like to come talk to me about how busy I am, then feel free to do so, but asking me to update over and over will not, under any circumstance help me to update anything in a more timely manner, especially when 95% of the comments I've been getting are people only asking for updates and not telling me anything they may have liked about the story.
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I am so immensely sorry that it has been so long since I've updated this story. Some of you may have noticed that I've spent most of the past few months working on one of my other stories (when I've actually had the chance to write). My schedule this semester was absolutely insane, and I've not had much time at all to write in any way. But now that the semester is over, I'm hoping to write a lot more over break. That being said, I am going to try to work on both of the stories I have going (but I'm actually a little biased toward this one now that I've written on it again). One reason it took so long to update is that I had to re-read this story for myself because I'd forgotten where I was in my plot line.
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think of this story! I would love to hear from you all, especially because it's been so long since I've updated this one!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy what this chapter has to offer! It's really going to be the turning point of the story, so just bear with me and Alec as we both figure out how to get our lives in order!

****

Over the next week, Alec was able to keep his thoughts under control, keeping them to himself and keeping everything locked inside. It was simply easier to live that way, to pretend as though nothing was wrong because that kept people from asking questions. But more importantly, it kept him from hurting those around him, and that was all that truly mattered to him at the moment. It was much easier to work things out on his own, to simply continue in a normal way while he let his mind work through the situation before he started acting on what he was feeling. Out of all the things going on with his life and his situation, the one thing Alec knew was that he couldn't afford to let his emotions control his actions.

The worst part of the situation was that Alec knew exactly what his duty was. As Prince Alexander, his father's orders were to be followed without question. As Prince Alexander, Alec knew that his duty was to his family and his people. And after talking with his mother about the arranged marriage and what it would mean, Alec knew that his engagement to Lydia was the best thing he could do for his family. His mother had so gently explained how the power and status of Lydia's family, the Branwells, would exponentially help increase the status of the royal line. The kind of alliance that would be formed by their marriage would only boost the effectiveness of the royal line within the Clave.

Yet the way that Maryse had talked to Alec about the engagement had been less than forceful, as though she knew exactly how much it would take for Alec to submit to the will of his father and marry Lydia. It had almost felt as though she was being careful to take his emotions into consideration in a way that both of his parents very rarely did. Yet even with the way his mother had seemed so much more remorseful about the fact that they would be forcing Alec to marry Lydia, Alec still hadn't felt as though he could completely open up to his mother. There were some things that he knew his mother simply wouldn't be able to understand, and his relationship with Magnus was certainly one of those things.

The thing that had been eating at Alec's conscience was that he had yet to mention anything at all to Magnus about the situation with Lydia. At first, he hadn't done so because he need to clear his mind, but as the days passed, it became increasingly harder for him to actually figure out how to go about telling Magnus. The more time that passed, the worse Alec knew the situation would be, so now he knew that he was stuck. No matter when he tried to tell Magnus, he knew that Magnus would get angry that he'd kept it a secret for so long. But now he was currently on his way to a dinner date with Magnus, and he wasn't entirely sure how he would ever be able to keep up the act.

As soon as Alec saw Magnus, however, his worries practically melted away. "What? No sweater today?" Magnus asked as they walked into the restaurant. They were trying an Italian restaurant that neither of them had ever been to before, something that they hoped would actually be a treat for both of them for once. Alec couldn't help but smile at Magnus's comment. For once, Alec had actually made an effort to dress up and look nice, abandoning his sweater in favor of an outfit he knew Magnus liked. Alec simply shrugged and gave Magnus a playful look that he knew Magnus wouldn't question. The last thing that Alec had truly expected was to be so comfortable with Magnus and so comfortable with his secret that he was able to function normally. This caught him by surprise so much that he actually began to feel guilty about it, something he knew Magnus would be able to easily pick up on.

So Alec tried his hardest to tamp down his guilt and follow Magnus into the restaurant. Over the past several weeks, one thing that had been greatly weighing him down was the thought of what might happen to Magnus if their relationship was ever discovered. But Alec had to continually remind himself as they took their seats that they would not be recognized. There was a reason their dates were explicitly at mundane venues, and Alec knew that Magnus also used glamours just in case any Downworlders happened to run into them. But that still couldn't seem to erase the feelings that were deep inside Alec's gut, the feelings of both fear and anticipation for the things that he knew were inevitable.

"Alec?" Magnus asked, placing his menu on the table and looking over at Alec and his own untouched menu. "You sure everything's okay? You're abnormally quiet tonight," he said, his voice lowered in a way that told Alec he was highly suspicious. Alec tried to force a smile, knowing that even if he wanted to tell Magnus the truth of what was going on, he certainly wasn't going to be able to do so at dinner when they were surrounded by mundanes. The last thing he wanted was for complete strangers to have the chance to overhear his entire private life in one sitting.

So Alec nodded and picked up his menu, forcing himself to act as normal as he possibly could. "Everything's perfect," he replied, continuing to eye Magnus over his menu. "I was just thinking about how I haven't had good lasagna in years. The last time we had any, it was made by Isabelle, so you can imagine what that experience was like." Alec felt himself relax when Magnus finally chuckled, seemingly content with that answer. So in the end, Alec ordered lasagna to help support the lie he felt immensely guilty about telling, and tried to make the best of the situation at hand. He knew that he should be enjoying every second that he had with Magnus, that their time together was likely very short. At least it was going to be very short if things continued the way they were currently going.

Alec tried his hardest to relax into his time with Magnus. Lately they'd both been so busy that dates had been few and far between, so he knew that they were terribly lucky to actually have the time together. But every time Magnus made a joke or said something even slightly happy, Alec couldn't help but be reminded of their impending doom. Even as he kissed Magnus goodnight and began his walk back to the Institute, Alec couldn't shake the feeling that no matter what his next decision was, he was going to lose someone or something he cared about.

The way Alec saw it, he had two choices, and neither of them were favorable in any way. If he conceded to marrying Lydia, he would have to break up with Magnus. It wouldn't be fair to ask Magnus to continue their relationship on the side like that; it would be beyond demeaning. But if he decided that he certainly did not want to marry Lydia and that he would not go through with the engagement, he would have to both come out to his parents and admit that he had a relationship with Magnus. Doing so would surely mean Magnus's arrest, and then the rest would be history. Neither of these options were fair to Magnus in any way, and neither of them were particularly appealing to Alec. But he knew that his parents would never accept that he wanted to decline the engagement without proof that he was in another relationship.

So Alec spent the rest of the night racking his brain for other ways to get out of the situation. He'd exhausted himself from doing so for the past few weeks, but he figured that it couldn't' possibly hurt to continue trying to find a more favorable way out. Yet as Alec fell asleep, he couldn't keep his mind from straying to much happier thoughts, like Magnus's smile, or the feeling of Magnus's lips on his. And these things only made the situation worse, breaking his will to actually take any sort of action on the matter at all.

.

.

.

"We need to talk," Alec forced himself to say as soon as he walked into Magnus's apartment just two days later. It almost broke his heart that Magnus looked wholly unconcerned, as if what he had to say was obviously something simply and harmless. But Alec knew what he had to do, and he knew that he couldn't let anything stand in his way. If given the change, he knew Magnus was want to have a say in the matter at hand, and he knew that Magnus would try to change his mind. So Alec knew that what he needed to do was refrain from giving Magnus the change to have any kind of say in the matter, to act like everything that he had to say was exactly what he wanted to happen, no matter how painful the next few minutes were going to be.

After several agonizingly long seconds of silence, Alec knew he had to continue, knew he had to keep from talking himself out of what he needed to do. "We have to break up," Alec finally continued, holding up a hand as Magnus began to protest. He looked down at his feet, trying to keep from looking at Magnus's confused and hurt expression, knowing that his will would easily break if he did so. "Don't say anything yet," he said, his voice becoming ever so slightly softer. "We both know that this is never going to work. We've been fooling ourselves for far too long. Why continue something that we know is going to end sooner or later?" Alec took a deep breath when Magnus began shaking his head in earnest, obviously shaken by what was going on. "We both know that princes don't belong in Downworld," Alec forced himself to finish, forced himself to pretend to believe what he was saying.

For a few seconds, all Magnus could seem to do was stare at him, clearly running through what Alec had just said over and over again. "What? Now you want me to believe that you've suddenly become the prince your father has always wanted you to be?" Magnus finally asked, unable to keep the bitterness and anger from his voice."You suddenly want to make me think that you now inexplicably by into all the crap that your family has fed you from the day you were born?" Magnus was still shaking his head, still trying to gather his thoughts and figure out exactly what was going on. "I'm sorry, Alexander, but you're going to have to give me a better reason than that before I'll let you walk out of here just like that."

Somehow, Alec had known this was coming. He'd known that his first excuse wouldn't be good enough, but he'd also known that he couldn't possibly tell Magnus the truth. If he tried to tell magnus that the reason they needed to break up was because his family had arranged his marriage to Lydia, Magnus would certainly try to change his mind. Magnus would become obsessed with trying to figure out another way to handle the situation, and that was something that Alec didn't want for him. Their breakup was the option that would hurt Magnus the least, at least if Alec was looking at the long run. So Alec forced himself to continue, knowing that what he was about to do would hurt him just as much as it would hurt Magnus. "Believe it or not, Magnus, but it's the truth," he said, forcing it to be a statement that he truly believed himself.

At that, Magnus automatically began shaking his head even harder. "You were fine two days ago, Alexander. I refuse to believe that you suddenly feel this way. What's going on, Alec? Tell me the truth." Alec looked away from Magnus once more, knowing that he needed to get out of the situation before he gave in to what Magnus was saying. "Something has happened, Alec. Something is making you say this because you believe it will take care of whatever is going on. Just talk to me, Alexander. We can work this out together." At that, Alec got up from where he'd been sitting, shaking his own head this time. He hated how dangerously correct Magnus was about the entire thing. Magnus always picked up on even the smallest of signals, and Alec hated that at the moment, hated the fact that the person who knew him the best was the one he had to deceive.

"It's useless, Magnus," he said, walking toward and trying to keep himself from looking back. When he did look back, however, with his hand on the doorknob, Alec almost allowed himself to run straight back into Magnus's arms. Magnus was clearly much more emotional than Alec had ever seen him, obviously at a complete loss to stop what he knew would inevitably break his heart. And the fact that hurt Alec the most was knowing that he was the one causing Magnus's pain, that he was the one who could very easily turn the situation around and end all of Magnus's heartbreak.

It was then that Magnus stood up himself, suddenly much less cautious than he had been before, seemingly accepting what was happening. "If all of this is so useless to you, Alexander, then fine. If that's what you think of our relationship, then there's nothing I can do to change that." Alec could hear the pain in Magnus's voice, but he forced himself to keep from focusing on it, knowing just how close he was to giving in and telling Magnus everything. "If you don't want to tell me what's really going on, then okay. But once you walk out that door, there's no coming back. If this is what you truly want, then there's no changing your mind. I will not be pushed around like that. I will not have my emotions played with. So make your decision, Alexander. Either talk to me and let me help you with this, or leave. But once your decision is made, there's not going to be any turning back."

What Magus was suddenly saying had completely caught Alec off guard, and now he was forced to pause mid-decision. The last thing he had expected was for Magnus to react in this way. He'd never thought of Magnus becoming defensive and becoming so angry so quickly. He wanted to tell Magnus everything, he wanted to melt his worries away with the one person he knew he'd ever love most in the world. But Alec also knew that he had a duty to do. Not just a duty to his family and the royal line, but also a duty to Magnus himself. So Alec took another deep breath, closed his eyes, and did the only thing he knew to do.

.

.

.

"You did what?" Jace asked, his voice a little louder than Alec had expected it. "Are you insane?" he continued, looking over at his parabatai with an expression that told Alec that he was genuinely concerned. Jace took a deep breath before beginning again, consciously lowering his voice. "Anyone with half a mind can see that you love Magnus. I've never seen you love someone this much. Why the hell would you break up with him?" Alec sighed, knowing that quickly getting out of the conversation was not an option at all. He knew that Jace was simply concerned, and he knew that he had told Jace to begin with because he needed to lean on Jace at the moment.

"You and I both know that there's no getting out of this engagement to Lydia without Magnus being arrested," Alec began, his voice wavering for the first time all night. "And you as well as I do that Magnus would never accept our breakup if I told him the truth about everything. It was honestly the only thing I could think to do, Jace." All Alec wanted to do at the moment was to go to sleep, to wake up the next day and forget about all that he had lost, but he knew that waking up in the morning would likely be even more painful than what he was feeling at the moment. "I had to protect him, Jace. I had to protect him from what I knew they would do to him if they found out."

It was a terribly simple statement, but it was one that broke Alec's heart into a million more pieces. "There has to be something else we can do, a better way to go about this than you just leaving him like that," Jace said, obviously not willing to resign himself to the fact that he knew Alec was right. "We'll figure something else out, I swear that to you. You're my parabatai, and that means that I am not going to let this happen to you. I'm not going to let them force you to live a life that will make you miserable. You have my word, Alec." Alec knew that Jace was only trying to help, but the only thing he could do was get up from Jace's bed and make his way toward the door.

Alec was so exhausted both physically and mentally that he hardly noticed that someone was standing directly outside of Jace's bedroom door. It was only after he'd already run into Lydia that he realized that she'd likely overheard everything he and Jace had said, everything he'd shared with his parabatai about his night. "You love Magnus, don't you?" Lydia asked, but the simple question proved too much for Alec to actually bear. He knew that Lydia would never sell them out, and he knew that she would never judge him for it. But his months of working to keep the secret, months of carefully held composure were thrown away all at once, and Alec couldn't seem to do anything other than stare at Lydia. What surprised him the most, however, was that she simply walked away from him, simply turned and went back to her own room, locking the door behind her without another word, leaving Alec to a sleepless night of figuring out exactly what horrible thing was going to happen to him next.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I started writing this chapter, I made a note to remind you all that this story is sorta a mixture of the books and the show as far as characters used, characterization, events, and so on. Really, whatever parts of both that I felt I could use were the ones I picked out and used. That being said, I don't remember why I needed to say this before this chapter, but it is said!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I had to write it over several days instead of my normal one sitting because it was a lot more challenging than normal for me. I'm prepared for comments about the way I write Robert, and if you have any questions, feel free to message me about it because I could go on and on about that man! That being said, I tried to keep things fair in this chapter, as it is a turning point in the story!
> 
> As always, let me know your thoughts! Thank you all for being so supportive and for sticking with me through a lot of my crap!

Alec spent the next couple of days consumed by books, hoping to take his mind off of everything that was going on around him. Yet no matter what he did, the pain of what had happened kept coming back to haunt him. Alec had never imagined that he could fall in love with someone so quickly, but the past few months with Magnus had been the best months of his life, and the realization that they were over and that he would never get them back continually swept over him in waves. Alec was entirely certain that the last time he'd felt the kind of happiness that being with Magnus gave him was when Gabriel was still alive.

Yet what puzzled Alec the most was how one stab of pain could revive all the old pains that he'd thought he was over. Losing Magnus had been a sort of prompt for his pain over Gabriel to rear its head as well. So Alec had spent a couple of days isolating himself and attempting to wade through his thoughts. But the more time he spent alone with his thoughts, the worse his thoughts became. So in the end, he found himself in Max's room, picking up Max's favorite book and staying by his little brother's side until the last page was read.

The best part about spending time with Max was that, although he picked up on every little change in mood, he was the least likely to actually confront that change. Instead, Max would simply move on and do something he knew would make the other person happy or something that would distract them. It was a quality that Alec had always greatly admired Max for having. Even from a very young age, Max had always seemed to understand both that people often needed time to clear their minds and that people would talk about what was troubling them whenever they were ready to. So spending time with Max was easily the safest option because Alec knew that he wouldn't be forced into talking about what had been going on in his life. "Alec?" Max asked after they'd spent a few minutes in silence. "What's your favorite book?"

Alec couldn't help but smile at that question. It was one of the easiest questions for him to answer, though most people assumed that because he read so much, he would have a terribly hard time of picking a favorite book. Instead of answering Max immediately, Alec simply got up and went to his room, retrieving the horribly worn out book. Sitting back down beside Max, Alec handed the book to his little brother. "Gabriel found it at Luke's bookstore," Alec said, his voice heavy with the memory of it. "It was the first book he and I ever read together." Alec smiled once more as Max flipped it over to read the back cover, clearly highly aware of the fact that his older brother shared a connection with the book that he didn't have the hope of understanding at the moment.

"What makes it so special?" Max asked, looking back up at Alec with wide eyes in the way he always did when he was genuinely curious. "Why is it your favorite and not a different one?" Those were questions that Alec actually had to consider for several moments, wondering if there was truly a way to explain what that book meant to him in a way that would make any sense at all. It was something that was hard for him to understand for himself, and it was a thousand times harder to put into words. Especially when those words had to be something a eight-year-old could understand.

"It's the mystery of it, Max," Alec said, reaching to wrap his arm around his little brother. "It's the anticipation of it all. The whole book mimics life. You never know what's going to happen, but you'll quickly find out, even from its title, that it doesn't have a happy ending." Alec knew he was getting a little heavy for Max, but he also knew that if his little brother didn't understand it, then he would likely just move on to the next thing Alec said. "Not everything in life ends happily, and I love a book that actually acknowledges that for once," Alec finished, momentarily worried that Max had picked up on how heavy and broken his voice was. He hadn't meant to take things that far, but Max didn't seem to mind as he opened up the book to the first page.

For several long minutes, Alec simply sat with Max in silence as his little brother continued to read. It wasn't very often that he was able to relax and not have to worry about what he was saying or doing or how he might look at the moment. But all of that quickly ended when Alec felt his phone buzz. He considered ignoring it, but then he thought of how easily something could go wrong if it was urgent. "Library. Now. We need to talk," read the text from his father, and something told Alec that it was far more serious than what he cared to think.

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Stepping into the library was like stepping into a nightmare, and Alec automatically knew this before anyone had so much as uttered a single word. Lydia was sitting on one of the couches beside of his mother, but his father was standing beside of them, one of his fists clenched in the way it usually was when he couldn't seem to express his anger or frustration. The worst part of the situation was the fact that both Lydia and his mother immediately shot him almost identical looks that said they were immensely sorry for what was about to happen. So Alec decided that the best move he could make was to sit down opposite his mother and wait for someone else to speak first, knowing that when his father was this angry that it was best to take things slow. Eventually, Robert spoke up, his voice heavy and slow. "Lydia has just informed me that she wishes to break off your engagement," he said, his eyes carefully trained on Alec. "Care to tell me why you think that is, son?"

Alec's first reaction was likely the one that was going to hurt him the most, but he couldn't keep himself from looking at Lydia in pure confusion. Since she'd overheard the conversation he'd had with Jace, she hadn't even so much as talked to Alec, much less talked to him about their engagement. But it didn't take Alec long to understand what she was trying to do for him. She was trying to give him a way out of the engagement without having to come out to his parents, and that realization was something that touched Alec for more than he would have thought possible. But Alec knew his father too well to think that he would leave the situation alone without getting an answer as to why this was happening. And even if he miraculously did so, Alec also knew that his father would find another woman to arrange a marriage with.

Alec knew that Lydia thought she was helping, but he also knew that she'd done a lot more damage than she realized at the moment. No matter how Alec played the situation out in his mind, he knew it wasn't going to end very well for him, so he did the only thing he thought might give him a fighting chance and decided to play dumb. "I haven't the faintest idea, Father," he said, tearing his eyes from Lydia in the hopes of not giving anything away. "Why don't you ask her? This is the first I'm hearing of this." Alec was grateful that this wasn't a lie because he knew his father would be able to pick up on any sort of lie he might try to use.

At first, Robert seemed to study Alec's expression, seemingly trying to figure out exactly what was going on. "I already asked her," Robert responded, his voice monotone in a way that told Alec he was trying to control himself. "And since she seems very reluctant to give me an actual answer, let me ask you this: what exactly has she found out is wrong with you, son?" It was then that Lydia got up from her seat, clearly trying to stop Robert before things got out of hand. Unsurprisingly to Alec, Robert immediately put his hand up, signaling for Lydia to refrain from speaking. "You're dismissed, Lydia," Robert said, his voice giving her absolutely no room for compromise unless she wanted to disobey her king.

She turned to give Alec one last apologetic look before leaving the room, and Robert turned back to Alec, this time his rage much less contained. "Allow me to spell this out for you, Alexander," Robert continued. Had it been anyone else, Alec would have likely been afraid of the anger he saw, but this certainly wasn't the first time he'd ever seen his father this way, and he knew it wouldn't be the last. "You and Lydia both had duties to fulfill. Lydia is just as aware of this fact as you are. And the only thing that would ever make her break off this engagement is if she thought that there was something so wrong with you that she couldn't possibly marry you. So let me ask you this one more time. What exactly is so wrong with you that you are unfit for marriage?"

Alec took the time he needed to walk himself through what his next move needed to be, knowing that despite his anger, his father was patient enough to wait for an answer. Yet the problem was that Alec knew he couldn't continue playing dumb. He knew exactly why Lydia was doing this, and he knew that his father wouldn't accept anything other than the truth, so instead of lengthening the situation, Alec decided to dive in, keeping his voice level and calm. Yet Alec still had to close his eyes to actually speak the sentence, focusing on the thought of his siblings, gathering strength from the only people who ever seemed to truly care about him. "Lydia is most likely doing this because she recently found out that I am gay, Father," Alec said, keeping his eyes closed, unable to look at his father's expression.

The only thing that Alec could hear was the beating of his heart which was in absolute overdrive in a way that it hadn't been in a very long time. Alec felt he knew what was coming, knowing what he knew about his father, but that didn't make the waiting any easier. He knew he should be proud of himself for actually being able to force out the words he'd been holding inside himself for so long, but the anticipation of what would happen next kept him from it. When he finally opened his eyes, he was slightly relieved to see that his father's expression hadn't changed in the slightest. But he also knew that meant his father was still processing what he'd said. Alec risked a glance at his mother and was pleasantly surprised to see that she didn't seem to be angry at all, her expression betraying that she looked more worried about Robert's coming reaction than anything else.

After what felt like hours, Robert finally moved out of the position he'd been seemingly stuck in, moving to respond and only helping to increase Alec's heart rate. "There is one thing that I am sure of, son," Robert began, his voice much more even than Alec had expected it to be. "If what you just said is true, then Lydia broke off your engagement not because she was worried about your sexuality but because she was worried about being married to someone worthless." Alec felt his heart stop at his father's words, but it still took several long seconds for their impact to truly hit him. The first thing Alec felt was the biting pain of Robert's words, but it didn't take long for this pain to shift to anger. Alec was angry with himself for hoping that Robert would have reacted differently when Alec so clearly had known that this was going to happen.

But most of all, Alec was angry with Robert for refusing to take the time to even begin to understand and accept him. "When Lydia told you she was breaking it off, what did you honestly think the reason was, Father?" Alec replied, surprising himself with the strength in his voice. "What did you honestly think when I was far less than thrilled about the engagement in the first place? Lydia and I love each other immensely, but in the same way that Isabelle and I love each other. Surely you noticed that. Surely you noticed my lack of excitement at marrying an absolutely beautiful woman whose standing with the Clave would certainly lend our family a helping hand. If this comes as a surprise to you, then that is because you've been oblivious to everything that has happened in my life since we lost Gabriel."

Alec had absolutely no idea where all of this was coming from, but if he had to guess, he would certainly say that it had a lot to do with all the stress that he'd been under lately. Breaking up with Magnus, following his duty despite what he wanted, dealing with Clary's situation, it had all taken a tole on him, and now it was beginning to show. Yet Alec knew that he would never back down despite the fact that everything inside of him was screaming at him to do so. He'd never once stood up to Robert in the way that he was doing now, and he couldn't believe how good it actually felt to finally do so. "Since Gabriel died, you have constantly been looking for ways to rebel against your duty," Robert replied, not moving his eyes from Alec, his stare just as piercing as his tone. Alec couldn't help but laugh at Robert's words, their absurdity hitting him harder than the pain of Robert's reaction.

"You really think that my sexuality is something that I devised in order to rebel against my duty as the prince?" he asked, the amusement dripping from his voice. "Have you ever considered the fact that I have done absolutely everything you have wanted me to do since we lost Gabriel? That I have worked tirelessly to be the perfect Prince Alexander that you have always insisted that I be?" Alec wanted to smile at the look of shock on Robert's face, the look that told him that the other man was genuinely confused as to where Alec had actually acquired the courage to speak in this way. "Yet the one time that I actually have the courage to be who I am, the one time that I speak up and let you know that doing my duty would destroy my happiness, you suddenly cannot tolerate it. Well newsflash, Father, I have done so many things for you that were intolerable, and I'm done being your puppet. I'm done compromising my life for your vision of this family."

It didn't take long for Robert to process what Alec was saying. When he finally responded once more, his voice was far less controlled and even. "You clearly know nothing about my vision for this family, Alexander," Robert said, glancing over at Maryse in a way that was altogether curious to Alec. "You know nothing about this family, yet you insist on being the biggest disgrace the Lightwood name has ever seen. You and Gabriel both claimed to know so much about your duties, but it seems more like both of you have always enjoyed having a hand in destroying this family's name."

Up until this point, Alec had thought he had control of the situation, or at least he'd felt he had control of his own emotions. It was one thing for Robert to let him know what a huge disgrace he was, but once Gabriel's name was brought into it, Alec felt as though he couldn't breathe, the thought of his brother automatically weighing him down. "Don't you dare talk about Gabriel that way," Alec said, his voice becoming far more bitter than it had ever been with Robert. "He sacrificed far more than I ever have just to make you happy. My brother was the epitome of royal duty and you know that as well as I do." Alec couldn't help but look to his mother when Robert began laughing, something that Alec had been entirely unprepared for.

"Your brother?" Robert asked, his voice dripping with what Alec easily recognized as amusement. The problem was that Alec was too confused by the amusement to really focus on it at the moment. "I doubt Max really even knows what his royal duty actually is," Robert finished, stealing the response that Alec had prepared, his confusion only growing. It was then that Maryse moved for the first time since the conversation had begun, getting up from her seat and facing Robert, refusing to look at Alec.

"Robert, don't you dare," she said, her voice far more forceful than Alec was sure he'd ever heard it before. Alec appreciated his mother's efforts to shield him from whatever was going on, from whatever she felt he couldn't handle. But Alec knew that all she was doing was increasing both his curiosity and Robert's anger. He knew his mother was trying to defuse the situation, but he also knew that it wouldn't be as easy as telling Robert to stop. "Don't you dare do this to Alec. He doesn't deserve this from you." Alec hated the way Robert's smile widened, the way he seemed to enjoy the pain he knew he was going to cause.

"You've always been meant for this throne, Alexander, and now you're simply throwing it away," Robert continued, completely ignoring what Maryse had just said. Robert held up his hand when he saw that Alec was going to argue, cutting Alec off before he could even begin to speak. "No, don't try to tell me that Gabriel was meant for the throne because that's not true. This throne has always been yours. From the moment you were born, you were the rightful heir to the throne." Alec refused to speak up once more, knowing that doing so would only aggravate Robert even further. So he decided to simply sit in silence and wait for Robert to continue, fully aware of the fact that whatever Robert was about to say would likely change his life for good.

Robert chuckled once more, and Alec resisted the urge to walk out of the room, wanting nothing more than for their current conversation to be over. "When your mother and I first got married, she couldn't conceive at all. We went over two years without conceiving, and you know as well as I do that a queen who can't produce heirs is practically useless." Alec watched with a broken heart as his mother sat down again, her posture telling him that she felt defeated. "When your mother finally conceived, she miscarried twice," Robert continued, but Alec was longer focused on him. He looked toward his mother once more, wondering why she had never shared this with him. He wasn't angry that she hadn't told him, but he greatly wished that she'd allowed him to help her heal.

"After the second miscarriage, we hired Ragnor Fell to help us fake a pregnancy," Robert said, and this time, Alec felt a reaction to those words, the pieces beginning to fall into place. "We found a baby whose family had been killed by demons, and we pretended that he was our own, and no one but Ragnor has ever been the wiser. I'm sure you can imagine our surprise when you came along, not to mention Isabelle and Max." Alec had to look down at his feet, a wave of nausea rolling over him so strong that he was immensely glad he was sitting down. He couldn't bring himself to look at either of his parents again, Robert's words feeling like a knife in his heart.

"Gabriel was certainly not your brother, Alexander, though he never knew that himself," Robert continued, his smile so evident in his voice that Alec didn't have to look up to know that it was there. "You have been destined for this throne from the moment you were born." Alec tried to catch his breath, but he knew that it was useless, the pain of Robert's words robbing him of the little control he had left. "This throne is yours, but you are throwing it away with your childish fantasies and your inability to be anything other than worthless." At that, Robert turned and left the library, obviously having no more to say. Alec pushed his mother away when she tried to comfort him, though he was far from angry with her. He simply needed to be alone long enough to let all of Robert's words actually sink in, knowing that he would never recover from them once he did so.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! As always, please forgive me for my inability to update in a timely manner. Unfortunately, I do not think that my posting will become any quicker in the near future. My hope is that I can actually get my life together enough to begin posting every weekend, but we shall see how that works out!
> 
> That being said, this story is becoming very challenging for me, and though I enjoy it, that is also slowing things down a bit. I hope you all are enjoying it as much as I am! We're finally getting to some of the things I've been most excited about from the beginning! Please don't forget to come comment and let me know your thoughts! Happy New Year everyone!

As Alec sat down in the greenhouse, he realized that he couldn't really feel anything at all anymore, his entire body going numb all over. He supposed that this was his mind's way of protecting himself from the pain. He supposed it was his way of sealing himself off from everything that his father had just told him. Alec kept reminding himself that the fact that he and Gabriel weren't biologically brothers didn't actually change anything, but he still couldn't seem to lessen the pain. For the first time in a very long time, Alec found himself wishing beyond belief that he could see Gabriel one more time, yearning to hear his brother's voice even just for a few moments.

Alec normally steered himself away from thoughts like this because he knew that they led to a dark and dangerous path that he didn't have the time to go down. These kind of thoughts led to his mind staying in the future, something that was never good when he was a prince with a duty to fulfill in the present. But he suddenly found himself also longing to hear Magnus's voice. He missed Magnus being the voice of reason, he missed Magnus being the calming factor in a world so full of storms. But Alec knew that he couldn't call Magnus any easier than he could call Gabriel, not after all that he had done to Magnus. He cared for Magnus too much to jerk him around over their relationship any longer, so he knew he was stuck without the two people he needed most at the moment.

So for what felt like hours, Alec sat in the peace of the greenhouse, wishing for a different time and a different life, trying and failing to calm his thoughts. He only looked up and actually moved from the position he'd been in when he heard soft footsteps coming toward him. His first thought was that it was Max, and he found himself genuinely hoping that it wasn't. The last thing he wanted was for Max to see just how much pain he was in. Alec had always felt that when it came to Max he was supposed to be the strong one, just the way Gabriel had always been with him. But when he looked up to see Clary coming toward him, Alec fought the urge to get up and walk away from her.

Before Alec could say anything at all, Clary was holding out a piece of paper for him to see. "Just read this and hear me out please. I understand that you don't want to be bothered right now. I wouldn't have come if it wasn't important." She nodded to the paper, urging him to take it. Alec was incredibly thankful that she didn't acknowledge just how pathetic he likely looked at the moment, not at all like the prince she was used to seeing him be. He reached out for the paper, his hands beginning to shake ever so slightly as his eyes scanned the words on the page.

_Prince Alexander,_ the note read in a looping script Alec had never seen before. _If you would like to see your brother again, please meet me at Magnus's loft as soon as possible. Come alone or I will not speak with you._ The note was signed by _Your humble servant_ , but Alec could clearly feel the sarcasm coming from those words. He was on his feet before Clary had the chance to say anything else, out of the greenhouse and heading to find his weapons before he really knew what he was doing. He had no idea whether the note was referring to Jace or Max, but he wasn't going to waste the time trying to hunt them down to figure out which. In the end, it truly didn't matter which one of them it was, the end result would be the same- Alec would do whatever he needed in order to get them back.

"Alec, wait!" He hadn't really noticed that Clary was following him, trying to keep up with his sprinting through the Institute. "I need to go with you," she said, and somehow Alec couldn't find it in himself to be surprised that she was asking. "This could be about Valentine." For a moment, Alec almost stopped in his tracks, having to admit to himself that she was right. Going into the situation without any sort of backup would be incredibly stupid. If it were Valentine, he could very easily be taken captive as well. But Alec knew that he needed to take the note seriously, knew that he had no option but to follow the instructions unless he wanted to face the consequences of whatever might happen to one of his brothers.

It wasn't until Alec stopped to gather his weapons that he finally answered Clary, dismissing her as best he could. "If this is about Valentine, then the worst thing I could possibly do would be to disobey the instructions. I have to go alone, and you know that as well as I do. You're staying here, and that's an order, Clary." Alec strode away from her before she could protest, making sure to remain aware of his surroundings. If Clary tried to follow him, she would in no way be stealthy enough to keep it a secret. So Alec set off to Magnus's, glancing toward Max and Jace's closed doors, swallowing the lump in his throat that told him he was walking into a storm.

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On his way to Magnus's, Alec felt his nerves becoming worse with each and every step he took. He had the strangest feeling that the note had nothing to do with Magnus and yet had everything to do with him all at once. He knew that Magnus would never have done anything to harm either Jace or Max, no matter how upset he was with Alec. But he also had the feeling that whoever had sent the note was connected to Magnus in some way that Alec couldn't yet understand. Why else would the note's author request for him to come to Magnus's of all the places in the world?

Alec cautiously pushed the door to Magnus's loft open, wondering why it was unlocked in the first place. He felt his heart skip a beat as he realized that Magnus would never willingly leave his loft open in this way, wondering if whoever had sent the note had done something to Magnus as well. Alec's heart automatically fell at the sight that greeted him as soon as he walked through the door. Max was on the ground, sitting somewhat comfortably, but he was clearly tied up with what looked like electrum chains. Standing beside of Max was a man Alec had never seen before, his gold-green eyes staring back at Alec with a somewhat distant interest. Alec registered the man's strikingly black hair, but what caught and kept his attention was the fact that the man's eyes were eerily cat-like.

With a start, Alec registered that the man before him looked startlingly like Magnus, but as far as Alec knew, there was no one with relation to Magnus who was still alive. The man's eyes shifted down from Alec to a piece of paper he was holding in his hand, and he began reading the words on it to Alec, his tone a lazy drawl that told Alec just how disinterested he was with the affairs at hand. "Dear Alexander," he read, his tone betraying something that Alec couldn't quite pinpoint. "If you've come to find me, I regret to inform you that a Downworlder affair has beckoned me to London. Although I have no idea why you would come to see me after you made it so clear that we are not meant to be together."

Alec couldn't help but wince at the words, mostly because the stranger before him had no business reading something that was so clearly meant for him and him alone. "How amusing," the man said, finally revealing to Alec what he couldn't pinpoint in his voice. "That my son would have become so enthralled by a Shadowhunter, and the prince, no less!" Alec remained silent at that, not daring to voice his thoughts. He felt there was no way that the man standing before him could be Magnus's father, but then again, Magnus had always been fairly secretive about his past life, and Alec knew that Magnus's father had to be a demon, so he knew it was entirely possible. Although the man before him looked human enough, Alec knew that if he was a powerful enough demon, he would be very capable of glamouring himself.

"I'm sure you're wondering who I am and what I want from you," the man said, echoing Alec's thoughts. At this point, Alec took the time to glance down at Max, trying to give his little brother the most encouraging glance he possibly could, urging his little brother to remain still and quiet. "As I said, I am Magnus's father. Your people call me Asmodeus," he finished, as though that was supposed to clear everything up for him. But the problem was that it did clear everything up. He'd been taught about Asmodeus in his lessons, and he automatically knew that he was in great trouble for coming there alone. Asmodeus was a greater demon, and a prince of hell at that. Alec loaded an arrow on his bow despite the fact that he knew he would be utterly powerless against Asmodeus.

At the sight of Alec loading his bow, Asmodeus chuckled, but Alec could still hear the distance in his tone, as though he didn't really care about what he was doing at the moment. "What I want is very simple," Asmodeus continued, glancing down at Max in a way that made Alec's skin crawl. "You are to get in touch with Magnus and convince him to summon me. There are to be no tricks of dark magic that he has likely learned since the last time he and I met. If he tries anything at all, our deal will be off and your brother will die." It was then that Max finally made a noise, something that Alec could only describe as a whimper that signaled that Max was incapable of hiding his terror any longer. "Or you can refuse now and I will kill your brother right here."

"I'll find him," Alec automatically said, his voice thick with his anger. He realized that attempting to fight against Asmodeus would be utterly useless, but he fired an arrow regardless, one that Asmodeus easily deflected with magic. Before Alec really knew what was happening, he was backed up against the wall, Asmodeus's hand at his throat. Alec heard Max say his name, realized that he'd made a terrible mistake in provoking the demon, but all he could truly focus on was his attempt to breathe. His only fear at the moment was angering Asmodeus to the point that he would call off their deal and hurt Max before so much as giving Alec the chance to find Magnus.

"Try anything like that again," Asmodeus said, his voice eerily like Magnus's when the warlock was angry. "And your little brother will find out the true might of my power." Asmodeus's hand was gone then, and Alec was left gasping for air, trying to regain his balance as he realized that both Asmodeus and Max were gone. He wanted to panic, he wanted to call his parents and have them deal with the matter, but he knew that doing so would only leave Max in even greater danger. So he did what he knew he had to do and walked out of Magnus's loft, locking the door behind him, reaching for his phone to dial Jace's number.

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Alec knew that going to London without telling his parents as well as going to London without the protection of any of the Clave's guards and soldiers would be two of worst decisions of his life, but he also knew that he had no choice but to make them. But Alec did leave his mother a note telling her where they were going and why, ensuring that she wouldn't find it until they were long gone. He felt a tinge of guilt at doing so, but he also knew that Max's life was at stake, and he knew that Magnus would never talk to them if they came with his parents and a company of Clave guards. Especially not when it was about his father.

As they made their way through their contacts in London, trying to find absolutely anyone who would know of Magnus's whereabouts, Alec kept himself from telling Jace and Isabelle that Asmodeus had revealed himself as Magnus's father. In order to get them to come with him, he'd had to tell them that it was Asmodeus he had met with, but he felt in no way obligated to betray Magnus's personal secrets to his siblings. "Are you okay?" Isabelle said, walking up behind him as they made their way to meet with a werewolf contact who said he would only give them Magnus's location in person. "You're being very quiet, even for you."

Alec knew that his sister was only trying to help, but he was angered by her question. Of course he wasn't okay with Max in the hands of a greater demon and with an impending meeting with Magnus so close. "I'm just worried, that's all," Alec replied, trying to keep his voice from betraying his feelings. Isabelle sighed, knowing that he was likely leaving out part of the truth about the situation. He had yet to tell either Isabelle or Jace what Robert had revealed to him about Gabriel, and that was weighing on his mind as he listened to Jace gather the information from the werewolf. Alec followed Jace without a second thought, shrugging off his parabatai's questioning gaze. The last thing he needed was for Isabelle's questioning to turn into an interrogation by both of them.

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The werewolf had directed Jace toward a Downworlder party that he knew Magnus would be attending tonight, warning them that they would not be able to get in without an invitation. But Alec knew that no invitation was required when two princes and a princess were asking entrance to a party, Downworlder or otherwise. The guard working the door to the party stammered through an apology upon realizing who they were, letting them in without any more of an argument. At first, nothing changed about the party, it was simply a party full of very happy, very drunk people, and they were simply combing through the faces looking for Magnus's.

But Alec's felt the blood rush to his face when people began realizing they were there, when people began realizing who they were. The last thing he had wanted was for people to make a big deal about them being there, but that was exactly what happened when one of the vampires closest to them moved to bow to them. Alec had always hated the custom of bowing, and he had to force himself to keep from bowing back, a habit he had picked up when he was young, a habit Robert absolutely hated. He'd always felt as though bowing back showed his respect for others, showed that he didn't place himself above anyone else, but Robert had thought otherwise.

Alec winced as he realized that the vampire's bow caused a chain reaction, prompting every other person in the building to follow his example and bow as well. At least, it had caused almost everyone to follow suit. Alec followed Jace's gaze as it landed on a couple directly in front of them, revealed to them only by the fact that the people in front of them were currently bowing. The couple clearly had no idea that anything was different about the party, as they were still kissing one another. It was not by any means the most passionate kiss Alec had ever witnessed, and he had already moved on from the thought of it when Jace cleared his throat. The fact that Jace was rarely so awkward about things like this caused him to look back at the couple once more, his eyes looking for anything that might help him identify them.

It was immediately clear to Alec that he did not know the woman, so he shifted his attention to the man. Within a couple of seconds, Alec felt his heart drop, shattering before he had the time to take control of it in any way. Even from this distance and with people beginning to obstruct their view once more, it was very easy to tell that the man was Magnus. And suddenly Alec found himself wondering if this was what Magnus had meant by "Downworld affairs." But he shoved that thought aside, knowing that he should simply be happy to see Magnus, knowing that they were one step closer to rescuing Max.

So Alec did the only thing he knew how to do, and he walked directly toward Magnus and the woman who were now beginning to break up. Alec couldn't read the look on Magnus's face as he gazed down at the woman whose lips had just been on his, so he forced himself to keep from dwelling on it. His mind was a mixture of every emotion he could possibly feel at the moment, and he knew there was no sense in making things worse for himself. Whatever was going on with Magnus's personal life was no longer his business, no matter how much he wanted to take back absolutely everything that had happened and make Magnus his again. When Magnus turned to see who was walking toward them, only raising an eyebrow in question, Alec forced himself to keep from asking about the woman, who he'd quickly figured out was a vampire.

"We need to talk, _Your Highness_ ," Alec said, indulging himself in the only way he knew he could at the moment. Yet even the look of surprise, confusion, and worry that crossed Magnus's face couldn't do anything to lift his spirits in any way. The comment had surely confused Jace and Isabelle, but Alec knew that Magnus would understand what he meant. It wouldn't take the warlock long to figure out that he'd in some way discovered Magnus's father's identity as a Prince of Hell, making Magnus a prince as well. "Now," Alec finished, forcing his voice to have the sort of royal authority that he'd always been taught to use. He'd never before used it with Magnus in any way, but with Max's life in danger, he knew he needed to make Magnus understand just how important the situation was.

"Magnus, darling," the woman said, her voice crashing over Alec in a way he hadn't thought possible. "This simply cannot be who I think it is. William? Is that you? Surely you cannot be William," she said, directing this toward Alec. At first, Alec wanted to respond, but then he became so overwhelmed with both confusion and anger that he couldn't begin to form any sort of coherent answer. The vampire was staring at Magnus with a gaze that told Alec just how amused she was, but Magnus didn't seem to notice. His gaze hadn't moved from Alec since he'd realized they were there, and to Alec, it almost seemed as though he was frozen in place. Whether this was from embarrassment, anger, or anything else, Alec couldn't tell.

Thankfully, Alec was spared responding to the woman when Jace spoke up instead, his tone betraying to Alec the fact the he was simply trying to protect his parabatai. "You happen to be speaking to the Prince of the Clave," Jace said, his voice just as tight and controlled as it always was. "Now where exactly is the nearest place we could speak with you in private?" Jace asked, this time directing his question at Magnus and Magnus alone. Alec forced himself to keep from smiling at Jace's demeanor. It was abundantly clear to him that Jace was trying his hardest to protect him. Acting as distant and cold with this woman was his way of showing Alec that he would stand with his brother no matter who they had to face at the moment.

It was then that Magnus finally seemed to come out of his own thoughts, nodding his head at Jace and turning back toward the woman. "Camille," he said, his voice much sharper than Alec had thought it would have been, especially considering the fact that they'd just been kissing. "If you'll please find Tessa and let her know that I have business to attend to with Prince Alexander, I will meet you both when I am done." Magnus's words cut at Alec's heart, and Alec tried his hardest to keep from showing his emotions. When Magnus had said his name, the love and passion that had been there was completely gone, the words sounding just like any other word that Magnus might use. But Alec knew that the tone of Magnus's voice had nothing to do with Max's life, so he simply followed Magnus out of the building, taking a deep breath and calming his nerves as best he could.

.

.

.

As soon as they'd gotten Magnus alone, Alec motioned for Jace to explain the situation. The only thing Alec wanted to do was to question Magnus. He wanted to know who William was; he wanted to know who Camille was, and more importantly, why Magnus had been kissing her. But he forced himself to focus on Jace's words, attempting to tamp down his fear over Max's situation. It seemed as though there was nothing he could think about that wouldn't cause his mind and his emotions to go haywire. He tried everything he could to keep from looking at Magnus with too much detail and care. But his attraction to the other man was certainly still alive and well, and he knew that there was no way around it.

"And what on Earth makes you think that I will ever speak to that demon?" Magnus finally said, snapping Alec out of his pathetic pinning. Jace had failed to mention the fact that Asmodeus had Max and was threatening his life, as Alec had asked him to do. Alec noticed that Magnus had very carefully avoided calling Asmodeus his father, and he wondered if it was because he realized that Jace and Isabelle didn't yet know. For several long moments, Magnus simply stared back at Alec, but when he finally spoke up once more, Alec knew that he couldn't hide his emotions from the warlock. "Even if I wanted to speak with Asmodeus, what could possibly make you think that I would ever again do anything for you?" The force with which Magnus spat these words, caught Alec off guard, and he knew that Magnus was very aware of the effect they had on him.

Jace and Isabelle both opened their mouths to reply, but Alec held up his hand to ask them to remain silent. "If this were about me, I would not have come here, Magnus," Alec responded, willing his voice to be strong and solid, the opposite of how his entire body currently felt. "Asmodeus has Max and has made it very clear to me that he will not hesitate to kill Max if I do not get you to meet with him. If I thought that there was any way I could get Max back to us safe and sound without involving you, trust me, I would be implementing that plan this very moment. I don't want to be here any more than you want me here, but my little brother's life is what's at risk, and you and I both know that his life means more to me than anything in this world." Alec forced himself to take a deep breath; he hadn't been prepared in any way to actually say that much to Magnus, but once he'd gotten started, his fear of losing Max had gotten the better of him.

Magnus remained silent, studying Alec's face as though he was trying to assess whether or not Alec was lying to him. And this thought only helped to anger Alec. He might have broken up with Magnus, but that in no way meant the he would ever lie to Magnus about anything, least of all his brother's life. "I am not lying to you, Magnus. How else would I know of your relationship to Asmodeus?" He gave Jace and Isabelle pointed looks at this, urging them to remain quiet and ask their questions at a later date. "Knowing you, you have likely worked your entire life to keep your true identity a secret. I would not endanger you in this way if there were any way around it," he finished, shrugging off Jace's questioning gaze.

"If I am going to summon Asmodeus," Magnus began, his voice slow and careful, as though he had yet to decide what he was truly going to do. "Then we are going to need to go to Camille's as it's the only place I have access to that's big enough for this job. And I'm going to need Ragnor Fell's help. And trust me when I say that convincing Ragnor to help with something like this is going to be a much larger feat than any of you can imagine." Alec let go of the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, relief flooding over him at the prospect of Magnus's help. "I'll do this," Magnus said, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself more than anyone. "I'll do this for Max. Not for you," he finished, brushing past Alec as quickly as he could, his tone as cold as Alec's heart felt.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I know that I'm suddenly getting quick with my updates, but please understand that in a couple of weeks, that will likely stop as the new semester begins! I hope to get enough written in advance in order to begin a new schedule for writing, but we will cross that bridge when we get there!
> 
> Thank you all for continuing to read my stories despite my lack of punctuality in updating! As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to leave a review and let me know your thoughts! I miss hearing from you all!

"Magnus, darling, this is absolutely and ridiculously insane," Camille was saying, her very voice grating on Alec's nerves. Alec wanted nothing more than to question Magnus, to figure out exactly what was going on. Every word and every glance Magnus and Camille exchanged with one another tore at his heart in a way that almost made him feel guilty. After leaving Magnus the way he had, Alec knew he had no right to question Magnus's personal life. But there was something so off about the situation with Camille that it only helped to intrigue Alec just as much as it help to infuriate him.

Since they'd arrived at a hotel that had eerily reminded Alec of the Dumort back in New York, Magnus had remained strangely quiet. Camille had begun talking almost nonstop from the moment they'd begun working on what they needed for the summoning, but until now, Magnus hadn't seemed to notice at all. "You've granted me the use of this building, Camille, but no one is demanding that you stay. I am well aware of the dangers, far more aware than you are yourself," Magnus said, refusing to look up from his work, his voice colder than Alec had heard it in a long time. "And do stop calling me 'darling,' as we are all already very aware of your intent behind it," Magnus finished, surprising Alec in his frankness.

Alec had no idea what he was expecting from either Magnus or Camille, but what he did know was that he wanted to stay out of whatever it was going to be. So Alec shifted his mind from Magnus and the fact that he'd personally made such a mess of their personal lives, focusing instead on what Magnus and Ragnor were doing to prepare to meet Asmodeus. The entire thing seemed wholly excessive to Alec. He had no idea why they needed to be in a building as big as this; it seemed to Alec as though the space Magnus was setting up for the summoning was centralized to a relatively small corner of the hotel. While Magnus seemed to be focusing on the summoning itself, Ragnor looked to be placing protective spells over the entire building.

The whole thing was utterly confusing to Alec, unlike any sort of summoning he'd ever seen before. But then again, he'd only ever seen summonings in books during his studies, and none of those had ever been for a greater demon, much less a Prince of Hell. He supposed that if anyone knew what to do that it would be Magnus and Ragnor, so he forced himself to trust two of the most powerful warlocks alive despite everything that was telling him not to. He knew that both he and Max had no other choice but to trust them, that Max was out of both time and options.

Alec tore his eyes from the work that Magnus was doing only when the front door to the hotel burst open, revealing his mother. Alec was so surprised that he couldn't come up with anything to say to her, so he simply waited. She was completely alone, and Alec knew all too well that this meant something far more important than he could hope to understand. "I have contacts just the same as you, my dear," Maryse replied when Isabelle asked her how she found them. "I must speak with you now," she added, this time addressing Alec instead. All Alec could do was nod, leading his mother toward an empty room. He wasn't at all surprised that she completely ignored Magnus and Ragnor and their work, but he also knew that she wasn't stupid and she likely knew exactly what was going on.

"What you are doing is absolutely and unquestionably stupid, Alexander," Maryse declared as soon as she knew they were alone. Alec realized that Camille could likely hear every word they were saying with her vampire's increased sense of hearing, but he no longer cared about what anyone thought, much less such an exasperating vampire. Yet Alec simply waited for his mother to continue, easily recognizing that she had more she wanted to say. "But I am not here to stop you," Maryse finished, her voice uneven, as though she was preparing herself to lose yet another son. Alec remained silent, unable to find it in himself to question her on what she was actually here for.

While his mother seemed to gather herself, Alec let his mind wonder ever so slightly. It was strange to see his mother in what he'd come to call her "common clothes." She had clearly tried to disguise herself, and Alec began to wonder whether or not it was because she had trouble getting away from the Institute and Robert. "I'm here to help you," Maryse finally concluded, giving Alec the understanding he needed to speak up. His first thought upon seeing his mother had been that she was there under Robert's orders. But now he understood that she was simply there as his mother, not his queen. It was then that Alec saw the fear and worry in her eyes, and he softened toward her, knowing that the situation with Max was far more terrifying to her than it would ever be for him.

Alec opened his mouth to reply to her, but she held up a hand to beckon him to remain silent. Alec almost smiled at how much grace her movements held, even such a simple gesture holding so much nobility. "I will do whatever it takes to help you, Alec. I'll do whatever it takes to find Max," she said, her voice lingering on Max's name. It didn't escape Alec's notice that she had't called him by his full name this time, something she rarely did. "I saw the way you were looking at Magnus," Maryse continued, catching Alec utterly off guard. "As though he is both the bearer of your happiness and the destroyer of it at once," she continued, her voice softening more than Alec would have thought possible.

"I simply have one question for you, son, and then we can begin to focus on Max once more." Alec resisted the urge to look down at his feet instead of at his mother. The sudden realization that she cared for him far more than he wanted to admit hitting him like a cold wave of water. He'd distanced himself so far from his parents since Gabriel's death that he hadn't stopped to think of how that would affect his mother. It had always been abundantly clear that Robert didn't care one way or another, but it was clear that in distancing his mother he had hurt her more than he could imagine. "It was easy to notice when your demeanor changed and you began genuinely smiling some months ago, Alec. But it was even easier to notice when the smiles stopped. Are you in love with Magnus?" she asked, her voice still incredibly gentle.

Alec's first instinct was to lie to his mother, to protect Magnus and continue to keep their past in the dark. But if Alec had learned anything over the past few minutes, it was that his mother would never betray him, not after she'd shown him just how much she cared. "I did," Alec said, his voice calmer than he had expected it to be. "I do, or at least I think I do," he continued, trying to wrap his mind around everything he'd been feeling since he'd broken up with Magnus. He'd been so sure of his love once before that having to use the word "think" messed with his mind more than he would have thought possible. "I was trying to protect him, and all I did was hurt him," Alec said, his eyes finding the floor as he spoke mostly to himself. At that, all Maryse did was nod to her son, as though she completely understood what he was saying.

Alec wanted to ask his mother about the expression on her face, the expression that held much more of her past than she likely cared to show him. And Maryse looked as though she was ready to speak again, but before she could, Magnus cleared his throat. "We're ready to summon Asmodeus," he said, standing at the door with such an awkward disposition that Alec might have mistaken him for Ragnor had he not spoken. Magnus's conduct and the way he refused to meet Alec's eye made it very clear that he'd overheard what Alec had just said, and Alec was left to wonder if Magnus had heard what Maryse had said before. Alec idly wondered whether or not Magnus had heard about his previous engagement to Lydia, whether or not he had come to understand Alec's motives for their breakup. But he pushed all of that aside as he followed Magnus back to the scene of the summoning, willing himself to focus on Max instead of his love life, knowing that Max was what truly mattered.

.

.

.

Alec was immensely thankful to find that Camille had apparently decided that the danger of the summoning was not for her. Dealing with a combination of his undeniable feelings for Magnus and his paralyzing fear over Max was difficult enough for Alec, and the thought of having to deal with the vampire in the midst of it all was enough to make Alec feel sick. "When speaking with Asmodeus," Magnus was saying, trying to give them all a last minute sort of preparation. "You will do well to remember that as a Prince of Hell, he has far more power and authority than any king of the Shadow World ever will." At this, Magnus gave a very pointed look at Jace, seemingly wanting to ensure that Jace would not be his usual arrogant self.

"If it ever seems as though he is going to give you what you want, I assure you that what you want will not come without a price, and a heavy one at that," Magnus continued, his voice heavy and distant, and it seemed to Alec as though Magnus's memories were what was weighing him down. "Do not make any rash judgements. Do not say anything to him if there is any doubt in your mind about it. It is better to remain silent than to make a deal that there is no turning back from." It was then that Magnus risked a glance at Alec, his words ever so painfully reminding Alec of Magnus's last words to him before he'd walked out of Magnus's loft and decisively decided the fate of their relationship.

When Magnus began the summoning, explaining that it was much more complicated because they were not in Asmodeus's realm of Hell, Alec had to resist visibly shuddering. The language that Magnus was using sounded unbearably demonic, and that was the only word Alec could think to describe it. It was unlike any of the demonic languages that Alec had ever had to study, and he knew that this likely meant it was either an ancient language or a language used for very black magic. Or both. He was fascinated by it regardless, and he was fascinated by what Ragnor was doing as well. The other warlock was clearly keeping tabs on the protective spells that he had woven around them, and it was a far more strenuous job than Alec had first thought it would have been. It was easy to see the power that simply calling upon Asmodeus drew, and Alec had to admit that he was terrified of it.

But as Magnus's words went on to fill the hotel, Alec realized that he was only afraid of the power because everyone he loved was currently at its mercy. Alec knew that he would readily face the power of Lucifer himself for his little brother. But the thought of those he loved facing such a formidable power of Hell made him dizzy with fear. Alec was not at all surprised when Asmodeus cleared his throat, standing behind them all, comfortably outside of the pentagram that Magnus had drawn. Jace shot Alec a look at that, clearly made uneasy by the fact that Asmodeus couldn't be contained by something as simple as a pentagram and a seemingly common summoning ceremony.

"Long time, no see," Asmodeus said, his voice just as lazily disinterested as Alec remembered it. He was clearly speaking to Magnus, who was clearly trying to avoid speaking back. "I see you've been avoiding me, son," he continued, causing Jace and Isabelle to both give Alec shocked glances. To Alec's own surprise, his mother made no indication that this news was new to her, and he wondered if this was because she was wonderful at controlling her expressions or if it was because she had paid the price it would have taken to find out who Magnus's father was. "But very luckily for you, I now have a proposition to give you, and one that will finally allow us to properly work as the father-son team we're meant to be."

"How lucky," Magnus practically spat back, his eyes darting toward Ragnor who seemed to be struggling with the spells he was attempting to keep in place. "The only thing I am interested in is getting Max Lightwood back to his family safe and sound," Magnus said, his demeanor and poise showing Alec a side of the warlock that he'd never before seen. Magnus seemed both wholly confident and submissive all at once. He was clearly showing his father that he respected the power and authority that Asmodeus so easily wielded, and it almost reminded Alec of the way he'd seen many people treat Robert as king. "Please get to the point, father," he continued, spitting the words out and drenching them in sarcasm. "You know that I did not summon you simply because I enjoy your company."

Asmodeus looked at his son in a lazy sort of way, but when the demon's eyes shifted toward Alec, it was all he could do to keep from squirming under the gaze. When looking at Magnus, Asmodeus had seemed disinterested and distant, but now that his eyes had found Alec, there was an eery spark of interest in his expression. "Your love for one another is absolutely pathetic," Asmodeus said, his expression turning into a grin that sent chills running down Alec's spine. "After so many centuries," he continued, turning back toward Magnus. "One would think that you actually had the ability to hide your feelings. Yet here they are, written all over you like words on a book."

This confused Alec because he had made no headway in figuring out how Magnus was feeling. The warlock had seemed so cold and distant to him, as though he couldn't be bothered by having feelings for Alec any longer. Yet what wasn't a surprise to him was that his own feelings were so easy to read. He'd only ever been good at hiding his feelings when he was forced to be Prince Alexander, not when it came to something as personal as his feelings for Magnus. Magnus remained silent after his father's words, but his eyes shifted toward Alec seemingly despite Magnus's better judgement. Alec was surprised to see that Magnus's carefully laid defenses were down, everything he felt written in the lines of his face as he finally looked back at Alec. All the pain and love and joy and sadness he had been through wrapped into one confusing expression.

"But you will all be pleased to know that your precious little prince is in good hands," Asmodeus finally continued, his voice tearing Alec from his thoughts and breaking Magnus's gaze. Isabelle, who hadn't moved other than to glance at Alec, took a step toward Asmodeus then, but Magnus held up a warning hand, beckoning her to remain quiet. Alec moved to place a hand on his sister's arm, willing her to listen to Magnus while attempting to show her his support. "Although you will have to succeed in what I ask of you before I will give him back to you," Asmodeus continued, and Magnus kept his hand raised, indicating that they all needed to keep quiet until the demon had finished telling them about his proposition.

"Valentine Morgenstern has something of mine," the demon said, returning his gaze toward Magnus, clearly knowing that his son would understand exactly what he was talking about. "And I wish to see it returned to me, completely intact and delivered to me by you and only you, son." Alec's mind went into overdrive then, but mostly because he didn't understand what Valentine could possibly have that Asmodeus would want for himself. Valentine had always held power that other men envied, but it was curious to Alec that any man could hold enough power to make a Prince of Hell go after it. Not to mention the fact that they hadn't learned anything more about Valentine or his reappearance since Clary's arrival.

The silence was beginning to make Alec feel as though he was suffocating, but Magnus finally spoke, and Alec felt the slightest bit of happiness toward him because of his words. "I will not agree to anything until you prove to me that Max is alive," Magnus said, his voice betraying an air of finality that made Alec's heart skip a beat. Asmodeus simply waved his hand, revealing Max in a fashion that almost seemed like a portal. Alec looked toward Magnus, knowing that he and Ragnor would be the only ones able to tell whether Asmodeus was actually showing them Max or if he was coming up with something simply to trick them into doing what he wanted. Magnus nodded ever so slightly without looking toward Alec, as though he knew that Alec would be asking him for confirmation.

Alec was slightly surprised that Magnus seemed to know him so well, to know what he would do before he'd even thought of doing it. But he put that thought away as Magnus spoke once more. "We will do what you ask, father," he said, his voice heavy under the weight of his words. Alec knew what kind of a sacrifice Magnus was making by appealing to Asmodeus in this way, and his heart softened at the thought that Magnus was making the sacrifice for Max. With that, Asmodeus moved to give them a sweeping and dramatic bow before simply disappearing, the absence of his presence lightening the room considerably.

The first person to speak after Asmodeus left was Maryse as she immediately asked Magnus what it was that Valentine had in his possession that Asmodeus wanted his hands on. "Two days ago, the Mortal Sword was stolen from the Silent City," Magnus said, holding up his hand yet again as Maryse moved to question him again. "The incident is being kept quiet at the moment, but I know this because of my connections in the Silent City. Asmodeus wants the Mortal Sword due to the fact that it's allegiance can be changed toward the demonic side instead of the angelic one." Alec simply eyed Magnus, wondering how he knew all of this. It wasn't something that Alec had ever been made aware of from any book or any lesson.

It was then that Isabelle spoke up, her voice much heavier than Alec had ever heard it. Alec had seen the shift in her demeanor at the sight of Max, and he knew that she was far more upset over the matter than she would ever admit to absolutely anyone. "He said that Valentine had something of his," Isabelle said, clearly trying to wrap her mind around what was going on. "But Raziel gave Jonathan Shadowhunter the Sword, and it's been in Shadowhunter possession ever since. How could he possibly have any claim to it?" Alec had to admit that he hadn't even thought that far yet, the surprise of everything about Asmodeus making his mind too much of a storm to think clearly about any one thing.

Magnus sighed, sitting down on the floor next to the pentagram he'd drawn, obviously tired from the magical exertion of the night. "When Valentine first started the Circle, he was laughed at because he believed that the Mortal Sword was also the Sword referred to in the Bible, the flaming sword that angels used to protect the Garden of Eden." Magnus paused then, shifting to begin cleaning up the materials he'd used for the summoning. "Valentine was right about very few things, but that was actually one thing that he was right about," he continued, his voice growing heavier with each word, his exhaustion seeping in despite himself.

"Asmodeus was the angel charged with guarding the Garden of Eden," Magnus said, glancing up at them as though to gauge their reactions. Alec knew that his own expression was not well hidden, that his surprise was evident on his face alone. "Before he fell from Heaven, Asmodeus had great favor and power, and the Mortal Sword was a gift to him. He hasn't had his hands on it in centuries, but he has never been impatient. If he's asking for it now, it's because he knows that it is the absolute best time to steal it for him." Magnus looked back and forth between all of them, his tone shifting from informational to critical. "We're going to steal my father's Sword back for him. To retrieve the Sword and give it to a Prince of Hell instead of the Silent Brothers will be treasonous in and of itself, not to mention the danger behind it. But it is the one and only option we have if you wish to get Max back alive."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I would apologize for how long it's taken me to update any of my stories, but I think you all know my story by now! School has been super busy, but hopefully I'm getting into the routine of things and I'll be able to make more time for writing!
> 
> As always, please come let me know what you think of this chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, especially with the new sort of plot twist at the end! Enjoy!

Camille allowed them to stay in the hotel until they had rested enough to figure out exactly how to go about finding Valentine, and Alec knew that there was no way he would possibly sleep that night. Not when he knew that Magnus's room was just two rooms away from his. Not when he'd watched as Camille had followed Magnus into his room. He'd tried, in vain, to keep entirely still and silent until he became tired enough to fall asleep. But the problem was that just because his body was still and quiet, that didn't mean his mind was as well. If he wasn't thinking about Max, then he was thinking about Magnus. If he wasn't thinking about Magnus, then he was thinking about his parents.

If it wasn't one thing, Alec knew that it was going to be another. At least that was how his entire life had been. So Alec got out of bed as quietly as possible, activating his soundless and surefooted runes before leaving his room, hoping to avoid waking anyone up. But he had to get out of his room; he had to walk until his thoughts cleared enough for him to sleep. He knew that going out to walk in the streets of London would be reckless at best, so he settled for walking around the bottom floor of the hotel, slightly surprised about the act that there were no other vampires staying at what seemed to be Camille's residence.

Alec hated himself for the fact that even the thought of Camille's name both hurt and angered him. He greatly wished that as soon as the ordeal with Max was done that he could question Magnus about everything that was going on, but he knew that wasn't possible. He knew that it would never again be his place to question Magnus about anything that didn't have didn't directly concern him or the affairs of the Clave. Yet Alec also knew that thoughts of Magnus would forever drive him insane, no matter how much time passed since they'd broken up. But the one thought that was tearing at both his mind and his heart was the thought that Asmodeus had been able to read Magnus's emotions well enough to see love he still held for Alec.

Since Alec had left Magnus, he had simply assumed that the warlock would hate him, that Magnus would never properly forgive him for leaving as he did, and that the love Magnus had felt for him had long since disappeared. Yet the demon's words had been enough to spark hope deep down inside of Alec's heart. But the problem was that Alec knew without a doubt that his hope would only lead to more heartbreak, that it was a hopeless road to venture down. But Magnus had reacted to his father's words as though they held truth, and Alec couldn't bear to shove that thought aside. He dangerously wanted to think that he never should have let Magnus go, but he also understood that leaving had been the best thing for Magnus's safety, even if Magnus didn't understand that at the moment.

Alec heard Camille before she entered the room he was in, and he knew this was no accident. As a vampire, she was much more adept at concealing her movements, so the sound of her footsteps left Alec to wonder what her point behind it was. "Pining are we?" she asked as she entered the room, and Alec refused to turn around. He would not play into her game. "It's rather pathetic of you," she continued, painfully echoing Asmodeus's earlier words. "A prince so desperately and hopelessly in love with a Downworlder. What would your dear father think of that?" Alec swallowed his fear that Camille would turn them in and have Magnus arrested, finally turning around, ensuring that his head was held high.

"Honestly, I do not care about what my king thinks of me," Alec replied, keeping his voice just as strong and steady as he would if he were in a situation as Prince Alexander. "His thoughts have no bearing over my personal life, not anymore." The problem with his words was that Alec realized just how true they were. He would no longer ever care of what Robert thought of him. Why would he care about what such a horrible father, such a horrible king, such a horrible man thought of him? He knew who he was, and that was all that truly mattered to him anymore.

"You risked so much for absolutely nothing," the vampire responded. Alec simply gave her a questioning gaze, not trusting his voice when his thoughts were so heavily centered on Magnus. The last thing he wanted to do was open his mouth only to make a fool of himself and prove to her that his love was as pathetic as she thought it was. "There is no doubt in my mind that all of this with you was merely a game to him. Such a powerful warlock has to have his flirtations with danger every now and again." Alec clenched his fists, hopelessly trying to tamp down the anger that felt bubbling up inside of him. "You so naively believe that he loved you, but he also appeared to love me and all the other powerful Downworlders he's ever played with. I am so undoubtedly sure that playing with the Clave's precious prince was the highlight of his century."

Alec felt something inside of himself snap, although he wasn't sure why. It came as no surprise to learn that Magnus and Camille had a romantic past, not after the way she'd been acting with him. But what tore at Alec's mind was the fact that Camille spoke as though she could possibly know of the intimacy of their relationship. "You know nothing of our relationship," he said, his eyes drifting away from her, unable to stomach looking at her for any longer. "You may have once known Magnus's heart, but you no longer have any idea of what you are talking about. If you had Magnus's love and lost it, then I pity you for you have no idea the worth of what you have lost." Alec hadn't meant to speak to her in that way, but he was finding lately that his prince's personality was frequently taking over when he least expected it.

"You think you know him so well," Camille replied, her tone shifting as a smile seeped into her voice. Alec swallowed his disgust, the vampire's smile only serving to sicken him with despair. "But he is not the man you think he is. I am sure that he hasn't told you even a fourth of his past. Because why would he ever tell you something so dark when he was trying to manipulate you?" Alec finally looked up when he heard footsteps once again outside of the door. He was not at all surprised when Magnus walked through the door, as Alec knew he would recognize the sound of Magnus's footfall no matter where they were. Magnus cleared his throat as soon as he walked in the room, though they all knew that knew there was no need to announce his presence.

At first, Alec began to wonder whether or not Magnus had overheard Camille's words or the rest of their conversation, but then he looked at Magnus and realized that he certainly had heard everything. It was written all over Magnus's face, not to mention that the defenses that Magnus had so carefully put into place had been broken down. "Camille, dear," Magnus said, his voice filled with just as much spite as it had been when he had been addressing Asmodeus. "Please do stop spewing your hateful and manipulative lies. I am entirely unsure that you have actually said anything true to Alec since you met." Magnus's voice sounded heavier when he reached Alec's name, but if the warlock noticed it, he made no indication of that fact.

It was clear that Magnus was going to continue, but before he could do so, Camille turned and left the room without another word, and it was abundantly clear that she seemed to think that she had sufficiently stirred up whatever drama she had wanted. But when Magnus sat down with relief so plainly flooding his body, Alec realized that the warlock was simply glad to be rid of her presence. This came as a slight surprise to Alec, but he forced himself to sit as well, trying to act as normal as possible despite the fact that being alone with Magnus made him ache with longing. "We need to talk, don't we?" Magnus asked, his voice heavy with several emotions that Alec couldn't possibly begin to identify.

More than anything, Alec wanted to get up and leave, to go to sleep as escape the whirlwind that had become his thoughts. But Alec forced himself to nod, knowing that their talk would be inevitable, hoping that he could trust himself to actually talk to Magnus. "I don't think I need to be the one to tell you that she was just trying to hurt you," Magnus said after several long seconds of silence. But then Mangus finally looked toward Alec, and he realized that Camille's words had had much more of an effect on Alec than he had first thought. "I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you that she was kissing me tonight because she knew that you were there? Or that what she said to you just now was concocted because she sees how I look at you and she hates it?" They were more statements than questions, as though Magnus knew the answer to them before asking.

But Alec was still holding on to the last bit of hope that he had, the last thing that was keeping him afloat in his churning sea of thoughts and emotions. Alec's first instinct was to ask Magnus exactly how the warlock seemed to be looking at him because he knew his own hope was distorting how he perceived Magnus at the moment. "According to Camille," Magnus began after sighing as though he truly didn't want to speak. "I've been looking at you as though you are both the only person I have ever truly loved and the only person who has ever truly broken my heart." Magnus's words reminded Alec of what his mother had said earlier, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. "I just have one question for you, Alexander," Magnus continued, and Alec spread his hands wide, indicating that Magnus could ask whatever he wanted. "Why leave?" he asked, his voice even heavier. "Why not stay and fight? If you loved me so much then why not simply stand up for me in Clave court and take the responsibility for our relationship? That's the one question that has been relentlessly bothering me."

Alec wasn't surprised that this was the question Magnus was asking because it was the question he had continually asked himself. "You didn't see my father when I came out to him, Magnus," Alec replied, holding up a hand when Magnus opened his mouth to interrupt. "Yes, I came out to him, and it wasn't pretty. But I do know that I owe you the explanation that I didn't give you before, so please let me finish." Alec racked his brain for a moment, trying to figure out how to put into words the things he couldn't begin to understand for himself. "I initially left because Robert had arranged a marriage with Lydia, but when she found out about me and called things off, I realized that the engagement wasn't the only reason I had wanted to leave." It was then that Alec realized that Magnus seemed to be preparing himself to hear words that would only serve to further break his heart. And it was then that Alec's own heart broke even more, which was something Alec hadn't thought possible. He had only wanted to save Magnus pain, but he had ended up causing it instead, and he knew he would likely never forgive himself for that.

"After fighting with my father the way I did after I came out," Alec forced himself to continue, knowing that there was no way he could turn back and give up, not when there was so much to lose. "I realized that I left you not because I was scared of you being arrested. I've always known that if you were ever arrested because of me that I would automatically defend you in front of the Clave. But my fears come from the fact that I don't trust my father to follow the Law in that respect. Even if I were to stand up for you in Clave court, my father still has absolute authority. There would be nothing to protect you from his anger, and trust me when I say that he has enough anger to last him several lifetimes. And it was in imagining all the things that he might do to you despite the Law that I realized I could never risk your life that way. If I stood up for you in Clave court, my father would never dream of hurting me. Because he would understand that the easiest way to hurt and break me would be to harm you in whatever way possible. I would never be able to hide the fact that I so desperately love you, and he would readily use that against us both."

Alec took another deep breath, standing up and hoping to regain his composure. He hadn't meant to pour his heart out in that way, but Magnus had always had that sort of effect on him, and he knew it was hopeless to wish for otherwise. He turned to look at Magnus who was sitting absolutely still, his eyes moving to follow Alec were the only part of him that was moving. Alec's reply clearly hadn't been what he was expecting to hear, and it had rendered him speechless for the first time that Alec could remember. Before Alec could so much as object, Magnus was on his feet, closing the distance between them far too quickly for Alec to react. When their lips first met, Alec wanted nothing more than to melt into Magnus, their bodies easily recognizing one another. But as much as Alec wanted to sink into Magnus's kiss, he knew it was the worst thing that either of them could possibly do, so he forced himself to step away from Magnus. Yet as soon as they broke away from one another, Alec could feel just how much his body really missed Magnus. There was an aching that they both very clearly shared, and Alec had to force himself to keep from satisfying what they both so obviously wanted.

Magnus very clearly had a lot that he wanted to say, but Alec cut him off, willing himself to separate his feelings from what he knew was the right thing to do. "We can't do this, Magnus," he said, his voice much heavier than it had been before. "I love you dearly, and I now understand that you love me just the same, but we cannot do this. All my life, I've been taught of my duty. But I've recently learned that doesn't have to mean my duty as a royal. I have a duty to you, Magnus. And I intend to fulfill that duty as best I can, and right now that means we cannot do this. If there is ever a way for me to be with you, trust me when I say that I will find it. I will hunt to the ends of the earth to find it. I love you, Magnus, but at the moment, it doesn't change anything at all."

Magnus nodded as though he understood, but his expression clearly showed that though he might understand, but he certainly didn't accept it. "I was foolish for ever thinking that love could change anything," Magnus replied, his voice distant despite the very short length that separated them. "My father once told me that my greatest weakness would be a love that I could not control. I never believed him until now." With that, Magnus closed the gap between them once more, this time moving to place an ever so gentle kiss on Alec's cheek. The gesture was a simple one, but it simultaneously lifted and shattered Alec's heart. Alec knew that it was meant to both show him the love that Magnus still had for him while also showing that Magnus respected what Alec was saying, no matter how much it pained him.

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"So, how are we going to go about finding Valentine?" Maryse asked as soon as everyone had rested and reconvened. "It's one thing to track a Shadowhunter, but it's another thing to track someone who is as skilled as Valentine at evading any sort of detection." They'd decided to meet and figure out exactly where they needed to go from here, but one thing was certain to Alec. They could not go back to the New York Institute without his father's attention turning toward them. They certainly couldn't take Magnus back to the Institute without having to answer questions, and Alec was not at all prepared to answer any of the questions he knew Robert would ask. So Alec had no helpful insight as to where they should try to go next, knowing that London would likely prove to be useless in their hunt for Valentine.

"We cannot track Valentine," Magnus said, very pointedly refusing to look at Alec. The feeling of their all too fleeting kiss was still lingering on Alec's lips, leaving him aching for what he knew he couldn't have. The last thing he had wanted to do was to hurt Magnus more than he already had, but that had been the exact opposite of what he had done. And now he wanted nothing more than to sink into Magnus's arms, to lose himself in Magnus for as long as possible. "I've tried tracking Valentine from the moment he revealed that he wasn't dead, and nothing I try works, no matter how ancient or dark the spell," Magnus continued, forcing Alec to put his thoughts aside, yet knowing that he was going to have to confront them at one point or another. "But there is one thing we can track, and that's the Mortal Sword."

At first, Alec was slightly surprised by this, but then he realized that Magnus hadn't become the kind of warlock he was without acquiring a plethora of knowledge about anything and everything in the Shadow World. "But if I'm going to track this," Magnus said, not waiting for anyone to respond to him. "I'm going to need my supplies which are in my new apartment here in London." Magnus began walking toward the door without so much as a word in acknowledgement of that. "I would simply Portal us there, but tracking something as powerful as this Sword is going to take everything I have, which is saying a lot."

So Alec followed Magnus into the streets of London, blinking at the suddenness of the sunlight. By the time they'd made it two blocks away from Camille's hotel, Alec found himself walking beside of Magnus, feeling slightly betrayed that his siblings hadn't felt the need to help him keep his distance. After another block of walking in silence, Alec finally spoke up, unable to take the tension any longer. "I'm sorry," he simply said, leaving it at that and knowing that Magnus would understand that he was talking about both the words he'd said last night and the words he'd said when they had broken up. "I'm extremely sorry," Alec continued, hoping to lighten the mood even in the slightest of ways. "But I wanted to thank you. You don't have to help us with any of this, yet here you are, doing it for Max, and I wanted you to know how much that means to me."

Magnus cleared his throat at that, his eyes darting toward Ragnor who seemed to be pointedly not paying attention to them as he simply followed along. It was then that Alec realized that Ragnor would do anything for Magnus, no matter how much it put him in harm's way, simply because they were as close as brothers. It was clear that Ragnor certainly did not want to be there, but it was also clear that he wanted desperately to protect Magnus despite the cost. For a moment, Alec was caught off guard by how much he realized Magnus's relationship with Ragnor was like his own relationship with Jace. "I have no idea why you're apologizing for something that you've specifically stated cannot be changed, Alexander," Magnus finally replied, his voice just as distant as his gaze.

Alec couldn't help but notice the way Magnus's voice broke when he reached Alec's name. It wasn't like him to use Alec's full name in that way, not when they were around other people, not when he seemed to throw it around so casually. And that thought hit Alec much harder than he had thought it would, remembering how Magnus normally used his full name only when showing affection, and Alec found himself wishing for the time when Magnus's voice was actually filled with this affection. "I'm apologizing because I can't change it," Alec replied after several seconds of silence. But before either of them could say anything else, they arrived at Magnus's apartment, and Alec fell into step with Jace, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.

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The weirdest part of Magnus's tracking ceremony was that it was wholly anticlimactic. It was not at all as strenuous as Alec had imagined, but he knew that it was likely much more magically strenuous than he likely imagined. He knew this mostly because of the amount of help that Ragnor was having to give Magnus, the amount of work they seemed to be having to do despite the lack of physical strain. Throughout the ceremony, Alec forced himself to focus on Ragnor instead of Magnus, knowing that allowing himself to focus on Magnus would only lead down a road that he didn't need at the moment. But the worst part was that Alec knew that if he didn't focus on something that his thoughts would lead him to Max and what might be happening to his younger brother at the moment.

So he began analyzing the way that Magnus and Ragnor worked with one another, easily recognizing just how comfortable they were with one another. They were clearly working as the perfect team, and Alec was forced to begrudgingly admit that they reminded him of a pair of parabatai. They seemed to both have seen the location of the Mortal Sword at once because they suddenly looked up at one another as though they couldn't possibly have been more surprised by any other location for the Sword. "That can't be right," Ragnor said, shaking his head at Magnus as though there had to be some other explanation. "But I guess it could be, considering Asmodeus." Ragnor's voice trailed off as Magnus finally turned toward the rest of them.

To Alec's surprise, everyone else remained quiet until Magnus finally spoke up, his voice shattering the heavy silence. "The Mortal Sword is in the Garden of Eden," he said, leaving off with more silence. He seemed to know the impact his words would have, so he clearly left room for them to sink in. Alec couldn't help but turn to Jace, his parabatai's expression clearly mirroring the confusion he felt himself. "Oh, come on," Magnus said before anyone else could gather themselves enough to respond. "You cannot tell me that you people believe that you have the blood of angels running through your veins but the Garden of Eden is a thing of dreams. Unbelievable. I mean, of course it's a real place. What did you honestly think I was talking about when I told you why he wanted the Sword?" Magnus said, muttering that last part more to himself than to anyone else.

"Humor me for a second, Magnus," Jace said, surprising Alec by actually speaking to Magnus in a somewhat civil manner. Although Alec had been the one to actually break up with Magnus, Jace hadn't been very kind toward Magnus since then, knowing just how much the situation was hurting Alec. "Even if I believe that the Garden is real, you're telling me that Valentine Morgenstern himself knows where it is and knows how to get there? That he had the ability to hide the Sword there after he stole it? I know Valentine is one of the most famous Shadowhunters, but I'm finding it hard to believe that he has that much power or knowledge." Alec looked down at his feet then, trying to hide the fact that he was smiling because Magnus was smiling as well, giving Jace a look that certainly said he knew more than Jace cared to think.

Magnus chuckled for a moment before answering Jace with the smile on his face spreading ever wider. "I actually have no reason to doubt that Valentine has easily learned about Eden as it's not exactly a well kept secret, at least if you know who to talk to. All the children of Asmodeus know where it is as well as how to get into it. All Valentine had to do was track down one of my half-siblings and convince them to tell him." At that, both Jace and Alec gave Magnus looks that told him that he needed to continue explaining himself. "Asmodeus knows where the Sword is, and he also knows that he can never set foot in the Garden no matter how much he wants his hands on that Sword. But he knows that I know exactly where the entrance is and how to navigate it, so it looks like we are headed to Eden."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I am so very sorry that this chapter has taken me so long. Between school and the fact that this chapter physically hurt me to write, it's taken me much longer than I wanted. I promise you that I wrote on it a bit every night, but...well, you'll see what I'm talking about in a bit! I just had a harder time getting through it than I had anticipated!
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this! I really want to hear from you all! I will try my best to update sooner this next time, but no promises! I have a lot in store for these two! Can't wait for you all to go on the rest of this journey with me!

Alec was attempting to pointedly not pay attention as Ragnor and Magnus argued over going to the Garden of Eden, but with everyone else in the room remaining completely silent, there was really no escaping their conversation. "This is the absolute dumbest thing you have ever wanted to do, Magnus," Ragnor was saying, his voice significantly raised. "And that's saying loads considering all of the idiotic things you've done," Ragnor continued, and Alec couldn't help but smile at the way Ragnor was so clearly trying to keep the amusement and love out of his tone. He was so plainly annoyed, and yet he couldn't keep his affection for Magnus out of the picture long enough to be stern with such an old friend.

"You of all people should know that I've done many, many, many things that were far more dangerous than this," Magnus replied with a sigh. "But no one is making you go with us. I know exactly how to get there, and I can easily take them there alone. You're free to leave, Ragnor." It was obvious that Magnus wanted Ragnor by his side for whatever situation they were about to head into, but he was also very clearly showing Ragnor just how much respect he held for the other man. At first, it seemed like Magnus had something else he wanted to say, but he left it at that, waiting for Ragnor to respond before going any further with the conversation.

Ragnor was very obviously conflicted, and Alec could tell that he was trying to decide whether or not Magnus actually needed the protection Ragnor felt he needed. Alec felt as though he could greatly relate to that, knowing that his own siblings often didn't need the protection that he so desperately wanted to give them. "I'm sorry, Magnus, I simply can't support this," Ragnor said, shaking his head while Magnus began nodding. There seemed to be an understanding between them that Alec couldn't even begin to comprehend, not when it was so similar to yet so different from his own parabatai bond with Jace.

As Ragnor walked out of the apartment, Magnus automatically began making a Portal, and Alec couldn't help but ask where they were headed. "We are headed to Iraq, Your Highness," Magnus said, his voice falling off when he realized the weight of what he'd said. Alec tried to make it seem as though Magnus's words hadn't had any effect on him, but he knew he was likely failing miserably. Magnus knew just how much Alec hated it to be called that, especially when Magnus was the one calling him that. It felt so impersonal and cold, and Magnus was the last person on earth Alec wanted to feel that way with. "The entrance to the Garden is situated in the exact center of the land between the Tigris and Euphrates rivers," Magnus continued, attempting to lead the conversation away from the fact that he'd messed things up.

"But the problem is that we can't exactly Portal directly there," Magnus said, his voice cold and almost calculating, as though he was trying to distance himself from what was currently happening. "It's like trying to Portal directly into Alicante; the protective magic is too strong, meaning we'll have to walk a fair bit to get there." Magnus paused for a moment, clearly waiting to see if anyone would protest. When no one did, Magnus motioned toward the Portal that he had finished preparing. "I've set the Portal to the specific location we need to start at so none of you can accidentally get yourselves lost somewhere else," Magnus finished, stepping aside and motioning for someone to go through the Portal first. Before anyone could say anything, Alec moved forward, walking by Magnus without so much as a glance, trying to convince himself that he could live without Magnus.

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They'd been walking for over two hours, and Alec saw no end in sight. He was extremely glad that Magnus seemed to know where he was going, as Alec knew he would have easily gotten lost in the dense forest. The most annoying thing about the whole trek was the fact that Jace and Clary seemed to be becoming far closer than Alec had ever first guessed they would. They were walking closer than Alec would have thought possible in such a challenging landscape, and every so often, he heard their laughter over the sounds of their trek. The only thing about the situation that was slightly comforting to Alec was the fact that Simon looked just as put out by Jace and Clary's closeness as he was himself.

For a moment, Alec began wondering what Clary and Simon were acutally doing there. Jace had requested that Magnus Portal them to London so that they wouldn't have to regroup in New York. Yet Alec still hadn't figured out why Jace had wanted them there, though he knew it was likely because Jace felt as though he needed to protect them. Yet Alec was beyond arguing at this point, his mind to full of his worries over Max. Alec thanked his lucky stars that they had yet to encounter any wild animals, and he began to wonder whether or not Magnus was actually using his magic to make sure that the animals stayed away from them. Before Alec could ask that question, Magnus turned to speak to him for the first time since they'd begun their walk. "I thought for a while that Ragnor had changed his mind and was following us, but it must have been an animal because whatever noise I heard is gone now."

Alec could easily hear the disappointment in Magnus's voice, and it tore at his heart. He knew that what Magnus was doing was just as hard for him as it was for Alec. Being so near to Magnus and yet so unable to be together with Magnus again would have become unbearable if it weren't for the fact that he was constantly worrying about Max. "Magnus?" Alec asked, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible. "How did you and Ragnor meet? I've always wondered that," he finished, attempting to keep Magnus from thinking that he was prying.

Magnus sighed and took a turn that seemed to say he knew where he was going, but Alec couldn't tell the difference between where they'd come from and where they were currently headed. "Ragnor and I met in Indonesia, just before I moved away from there once and for all. He was there on vacation with the woman he was dating at that time, We ended up meeting because I," Magnus paused then, clearing his throat in an almost embarrassed sort of way. "Well, we met because I accidentally slept with her that night and Ragnor had taken it upon himself to find me and give me what I deserved. But when that turned into him ranting to me about how he'd actually known she'd been cheating on him and then me buying him drinks, we seemed to simultaneously decide that being best friends was the only true way for us.." Magnus chuckled at the memory, but before either of them could say anything else, they entered a clearing where Magnus stopped walking.

They'd apparently been following a river for a while, and Alec just hadn't been made aware of it. The river opened up into a clear, shallow pool of water that looked more like a mirror than an actual pool of water. Directly across the pool, there was the most gorgeous waterfall Alec had ever seen. And from the way that Magnus was looking at it, Alec could tell that this was their destination. "The entrance to Eden is through the waterfall," Magnus said, confirming Alec's thoughts. "But there's a bit of a twist. Eden won't automatically grant you entrance," Magnus continued, raising Alec's interest.

Jace walked up beside of Alec, and for the first time that day, Alec realized just how tense he was. Jace's presence made him relax automatically, and that was slightly concerning to him. "Direct your attention to the rose bush beside of the waterfall," Magnus said, pulling Alec out of his thoughts. "Before you go through the falls, prick your hand on one of the thorns, then press your blood on one of the petals. Once the white petal turns completely red, you're free to go through the falls." It was then that Alec noticed that Magnus's voice was now completely void of any emotion, as though he was simply going through the motions, and Alec began to wonder what had caused the change. He'd seemed so animated when talking about Ragnor, and now it was as though he was almost completely separate from the situation.

Alec also noticed the fact that Jace and Magnus shared a glance that he couldn't even begin to decipher, but he pushed that thought aside, realizing that if they were up to something, he likely didn't want to know what it was. He was slightly surprised when his mother took the first steps toward the waterfall. She had an air about her that said she meant business, and Alec could only guess that her thoughts were currently centered on Max. Alec watched as his mother, his sister, Jace, Simon, and Clary all made it through the waterfall, wondering what the purpose of the blood and the waterfall was in the first place. Magnus beckoned for Alec to go first, and Alec didn't argue, pricking his finger on the thorn, placing his blood on the petal, and walking through the waterfall without pausing to really think about what he was doing.

Thinking led to over thinking, and right now, Alec knew he needed to be focusing on the task at hand instead of what could possibly happen to Max or even with Magnus. So Alec allowed himself to focus on the beautiful land he'd now found himself in, a land that looked so perfect it almost couldn't be real. Every single color was the most vibrant of shades that Alec had ever seen. The greens of the leaves and the grass, even the browns of the tree trunks were so perfect they seemed almost as though they'd been painted. Alec was brought out of his thoughts by Magnus's arrival through the waterfall and the fact that Magnus seemed to know exactly where he was.

"The entrance to the actual Garden isn't far from here," Magnus said once he'd made sure that everyone was listening to him. "The gate is guarded by two angels, and it's at that point that I should likely stop leading this expedition, as I," Magnus paused, his demeanor becoming slightly awkward. "Well, I know one of these said angels rather, well, intimately." After this, Alec knew he was likely giving Magnus the worst of looks, but he also knew that it was something he couldn't control. When Jace snorted from both amusement and surprise, Magnus turned to respond to him. "I assure you that I was not aware he was an angel when I slept with him," Magnus said, the smile on his face betraying the fact that he felt no remorse for that part of his past.

Magnus began to walk away from the falls, but before he could do so, Maryse pointed back at where they had come from. Alec turned to see that someone was coming through the falls, and it didn't take much to recognize who it was. Ragnor's green skin was a dead giveaway, and Alec began to smile, thinking about how it was obviously impossible for Ragnor to leave Magnus alone in a situation like this. But then Magnus began running toward the falls faster than Alec had ever seen him move, his mouth open without any sound coming out, and suddenly Alec knew that the ritual for entrance was far more serious than Magnus had made it seem.

Before Magnus could reach the waterfall or do anything to warn Ragnor in any way, the other warlock was already through the falls, a smile appearing on his face as soon as he saw Magnus. There was a moment of silence in which Alec felt the world was moving in slow motion, and Alec watched as Ragnor's face became clothed in confusion. In a split second, Ragnor was on the ground, and Magnus was on the ground by side. It was blatantly clear that Ragnor was in excruciating pain, but all Alec could wonder was how this change had come so abruptly. Just seconds ago, Ragnor had been smiling at his best friend, and now he was writhing in pain from some unseen ailment.

Magnus was frantic, sparks flying everywhere as he tried to use his magic to help Ragnor, but it was clear to Alec that Magnus knew what the outcome would be. Magnus's shoulders were hunched, his demeanor entirely defeated in nature. "I tracked you," Ragnor attempted to say between his increasingly ragged breaths. "I thought you would need my help," he said, despite the fact that Magnus was telling him to stop talking, urging him to save his energy. "I didn't know," he continued, his voice becoming more and more desperate. "I'm so sorry, Magnus," he finished, his face screwing up in the same pain that was taking over the rest of his body.

"Stop that," Magnus said, not ceasing to continue with his magic while he tried to comfort Ragnor. "You're not going anywhere, you promised me, and you don't break your promises." Alec wanted nothing more than to kneel by Magnus's side, but he knew that he shouldn't intrude on this, so he stayed where he was, his heart breaking more and more by the second. "And I'm not going to leave you either, just like I promised you." Magnus's voice broke, and the sparks finally stopped, and it was then that Alec realized there was no saving Ragnor, no matter how hard Magnus tried. Magnus took Ragnor's hand, and suddenly, Ragnor's pain seemed to subside.

"Stop," Ragnor said, attempting to sit up while Magnus pushed him back down. It was obvious that Magnus was magically taking away Ragnor's pain, and it was also obvious that Ragnor was annoyed by this. "You don't have to take care of me," Ragnor continued, confirming Alec's thoughts about Ragnor feeling like the big brother. It was then that Ragnor began coughing, but Magnus refused to let go of Ragnor's hand, even when the cough turned into a spray of blood. Ragnor sat up, clearly hoping to get rid of the blood in this way, but all he was strong enough to do was to lean into Magnus and continue to cough. The last thing Ragnor said between coughs was, "Thank you for everything." Then, before either of them could do or say anything else, he was seemingly gone. Just like that, Alec felt the world shift, his heart aching for Magnus in a way that he hadn't ever felt.

It felt like hours before anyone actually moved, but when they did, Jace was beckoning Alec to go toward the Garden's gate, clearly indicating that they should leave Magnus alone. Yet leaving Magnus alone like this was the last thing Alec wanted to do, especially when Magnus finally spoke up as they turned away. "I love you, too," Magnus all but whispered, his voice cracking under the weight of his words. At that, Alec had to tear himself away from Magnus and Ragnor, his heart telling him to stay while his mind was telling him to go to Magnus's side.

"What on earth just happened?" Isabelle asked as soon as they were outside of Magnus's earshot. That was the question Alec had been asking himself as well, but he was still too shocked to say anything at all. When no one spoke up after Isabelle's question, Alec couldn't help but look toward Jace who was visibly uncomfortable. So Alec began mustering up the strength to actually speak up and confront Jace, knowing that his parabatai only ever looked down at his feet in shame when there was something seriously wrong. But before Alec could actually say anything, Izzy beat him to it. "What do you know that we don't, Jace?" she asked, her voice just as suspicious as Alec felt.

It took several moments, but Jace finally answered, his voice much lower than it normally was. "Magnus told me that the waterfall is supposed to be cleansing. Only those with pure blood are supposed to be able to make it through to Eden, and the falls will kill all else who try to make it through. It's meant as a way to keep demons out." Jace took a deep breath then, refusing to look Alec in the eye in a way that clearly meant he felt guilty. "Magnus asked to use my blood to place it on the rose, and I didn't think anything of it. I assume he used a spell to cover himself when going under the waterfall, but clearly Ragnor wasn't aware of the falls' properties." Alec wanted to find it in himself to truly care about the fact that Jace and Magnus had been hiding something from him, but at the moment he was simply too exhausted both mentally and physically to care.

As they walked the rest of the way toward the Garden's gate, Alec remained silent, mostly because he had no idea how he should try to respond to Jace. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Ragnor was gone, and any more shocks like this were likely to leave him unable to communicate effectively. So Alec focused his attention on the angels in front of him. They were absolutely and utterly stoic, unwavering as they stared directly ahead, their swords resting lightly on their shoulders. They looked more like statues than anything else, so much so that they weren't as intimidating as Alec had imagined they would be. And even when Jace started asking them questions, they remained in that same position, forever staring forward.

Alec couldn't help but laugh as he looked up just in time to watch as Simon walked into what Alec deduced was an invisible forcefield. From what Alec could tell after seeing this, there was very clearly a line drawn in the trees. Theoretically, the gate wouldn't have kept many people out of the Garden because of the fact that there was no fence around the entire Garden, but there was very clearly some kind of spell or enchantment keeping Simon out. Alec jumped as one of the angels spoke up for the first time since they'd walked up to the gate. "Only those born of the royal family may enter the Garden," he said, his face returning back to its previous stoic gaze without skipping a beat.

As soon as the angel stopped speaking, the gates opened up, and Alec began to wonder who would be the first one to enter. But then everyone turned to look at him, and he was surprised to realize that even his mother was looking to him as the leader of whatever their expedition was going to amount to. So Alec took a few steps forward until he was close enough to the gate to reach out to the line that the border spell would begin at. Yet when he reached up with his hand and leaned forward, Alec found that his hand met with an opposing force. He pressed against it harder, knowing there had to be a mistake. "Only those born of the royal family may enter the Garden," the angel repeated. Alec turned toward his mother, holding himself back from asking his mother if he was adopted as well. "One of the royal family is standing before us," the angel concluded, only confusing Alec that much more.

There were several long seconds in which everyone simply stared at one another, obviously trying to determine what was actually going on. The angel couldn't possibly be talking about Simon, so that only left Jace and Clary. But no matter who the angel was talking about, that meant that Alec's entire life had been a lie. Alec tamped down a wave of hope at the thought of not actually being roal, the thought of being able to live the kind of life he actually wanted to live. Until they knew what was really going on, he couldn't afford to have false hopes, not when so much was a stake regardless. So Alec turned to say something to Jace, but all he found was an empty space where his parabatai had been just moments before. Before Alec had the time to look anywhere else for Jace, he heard his parabatai calling his name. "Alec, I don't think this is right," Jace said, his voice wavering ever so slightly.

Alec turned around once more to see Jace standing just on the other side of the angels, his expression revealing that he certainly hadn't thought he'd be able to make it into the Garden. "You may take one thing from the Garden, child of the royal family," the angel said, returning to his stoic gaze in a way that seemed much more final than it had the last time. For a moment, Jace simply stood there, shaking his head and trying to come to terms with what was happening. But Alec had to admit that it was going to take him far longer than a few seconds to come to terms with their new-found situation. Without saying anything else, Jace simply shrugged and turned to walk further into the Garden, almost as though he knew that no words would justify what was happening.

.

.

.

After a very confusing conversation with his mom about the fact that they weren't actually royals, Alec's scolded himself for forgetting Magnus so easily. He almost expected the warlock to be gone when he made the way back to the waterfall, checking behind himself several times to make sure that the others would stay at the gate. If losing Gabriel had taught him anything at all, it was that there were moments where the presence of other people only exacerbated the pain, and that was the last thing Alec wanted for Magnus. But he had to make sure that Magnus was alright, even if that meant risking a slightly uncomfortable situation for the sake of Magnus's wellbeing.

As he neared the falls once more, Alec was surprised to see that Ragnor's body was gone, but Magnus was still there. It tore at Alec's heart to see Magnus sitting on the ground leaning against a tree, his arms wrapped around his legs in a way that most certainly signaled that he was trying to physically hold himself together. As Alec drew nearer to him, it was easy to see that the warlock had been crying, though at the moment his eyes were dry. It wasn't until Alec stopped in front of him that Magnus finally looked up at him, his expression entirely unreadable. So Alec did the only thing he knew to do and moved to sit down beside Magnus, taking the warlock's silence as a positive sign.

They sat in silence for several minutes, and Alec was content in doing so, knowing how much better it sometimes felt to simply have someone by your side when the pain was becoming too much to bear. "It doesn't feel real yet," Magnus finally said, his voice soft and heavy with grief. "He's been by my side for almost four hundred years, and now he's just-" Magnus's voice trailed off for a moment, as though the act of saying it would make it final and concrete. "Gone," he finished, his voice breaking at the weight of that single word. Instinctively, Alec reached over to take Magnus's hand, immediately regretting the action. But when Magnus didn't pull away from him, Alec realized that it had been the right thing to do, so he left his hand in Magnus's, hoping that Magnus could find even an ounce of comfort in it.

"I know this won't help you right now, but I want you to listen to me anyways because one day you may understand where I'm coming from," Alec said wondering where this sort of audacity was coming from, but he knew his thoughts needed to be voiced. "No matter what it feels like in this moment, but Ragnor cannot truly be gone from you and your life." Alec felt Magnus's hand stiffen ever so slightly, so he gave it a gentle squeeze, hoping that he wasn't overstepping himself. "Ragnor can only truly leave you when you let him. You keep his memory and his spirit alive, and nothing can take that away from you. Absolutely nothing. I don't care what anyone ever tells you. Including yourself. No one can take him away from you if you don't let them." Magnus's heavy silence was heartbreaking for several long seconds, and Alec first thought that Magnus was upset with him.

Alec sighed in relief when Magnus spoke up once more, but he changed the subject, and Alec wasn't about to argue with him over that. "Why aren't you looking for the Sword?" Magnus asked, his voice steadier this time. Alec sighed before attempting to explain to Magnus everything that had just happened, hoping that the new situation with Alec's family would be enough to momentarily distract Magnus from what he'd just lost. It seemed to have worked, at least until Alec looked up to see the others walking back toward them. Before Alec could say anything else to Magnus, the warlock leaned over to gently kiss him on the cheek before he stood up. Without thinking about what he was doing, Alec stood up as well and moved to wrap his arms around Magnus, the embrace clearly catching the other man by surprise. But as they pulled apart, Alec could easily see the combination of relief and hope in Magnus's eyes, and all he could do was pray that these feelings would remain.


	16. Chapter 16: Jace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! So I know that this chapter is a little shorter than some of the recent chapters have been, but I want you all to think of this as an interlude of sorts! This chapter is from Jace's point of view as he goes into the Garden of Eden, and you'll see why all of this information becomes important in a bit!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> **WARNING** This chapter has information taken from the Infernal Devices. If you have not finished TMI or read/finished TID, then this chapter contains spoilers for you.

Jace honestly had no idea of where he was going, and his confusion was not helped in any way by the fact that every single tree in the Garden of Eden looked exactly alike. He had no idea if he was still walking away from the Garden's gate, or even if he'd passed the same spot more than once. But he kept walking regardless, knowing that he couldn't leave the Garden until he had the Mortal Sword in hand, not when Max's life depended on it. He was trying to focus on the task in front of him, trying to focus on actually looking for the Sword instead of simply aimlessly wondering around the Garden, but Jace couldn't seem to take his mind off of Alec.

The last thing Jace had wanted to do was leave his parabatai behind, especially after Ragnor's death, but doing so had been the only choice he had if they ever wanted to get Max back. Jace had very easily seen the look on Alec's face when he'd realized that he wasn't actually royalty, a look that was mixed with relief and hope despite the fear and uncertainty that naturally came with the news. Yet the problem was that Jace knew the situation with the royal line wasn't the only thing currently filled with uncertainty, and that's what bothered him the most.

If there was one thing Jace knew about his parabatai, it was that Alec thought he was far better at hiding things than he truly was. And Alec's relationship with Magnus had certainly been one of those things. Even if they hadn't been parabatai, Jace would have easily noticed how much happier Alec was when he was with Magnus. Figuring out that Magnus was the cause of Alec's happiness had been a bit more difficult, but it hadn't taken long for Alec to confirm what Jace had already deduced. Yet what Jace couldn't seem to get out of his mind was the thought that there was the great possibility that Alec was going to get his hopes up only to have them crushed once more. If noticing Alec's happiness had been easy, then noticing Alec's misery upon losing Magnus had been child's play.

The absolute last thing Jace wanted to see was Alec's misery deepen, but the one thing that Jace knew at the moment was that the tides were turning, whether for better or for worse. And Jace's only hope was that it was for better, at least where Alec was concerned, and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure that it was. "Looking for something?" The voice came out of nowhere, and for the first time since entering the Garden, Jace stopped dead in his tracks. His hand went to his seraph blade despite the fact that he knew demons and Downworlders couldn't enter Eden, much less the Garden. What startled him the most was the fact that he'd had no warning of this newcomer, and he had always taken pride in being able to hear someone following him from what felt like a mile away.

Turning around to face the person whose voice he'd heard was even more disorienting than hearing the voice in the first place. It was like looking at his reflection, if his reflection had black hair and blue eyes. For a moment Jace almost wondered if this was some sort of test or spell, as the person staring back at him looked eerily like an older Alec. But then Jace registered the fact that the other man's voice was dripping with a British accent, and he knew that this had nothing to do with Alec. The most confusing part, however, was the fact that Jace couldn't detect any of the normal signs of magic, and Jace could clearly see the runes on the man's skin. So it seemed that there was a Shadowhunter currently facing him, but as far as Jace knew, he had absolutely no family left in the world. And if only those of the royal line were permitted to enter, then this man had to be related to him in some way or another. "Who are you, and what do you want?" Jace asked, pointedly ignoring the man's question.

It took a moment for the man to answer him, a smile spreading across his face as he studied Jace's expression. "I am Will Herondale," he said, as though that was supposed to clear everything up. "All I would really like to do is help you retrieve the Mortal Sword, and from the way you've been unintelligibly stumbling about this Garden, it's clear that you could use copious amounts of help." Jace opened his mouth to respond, but he closed his mouth just as quickly as he'd opened it. With each and every word coming from Will's mouth he was becoming more and more confused. Jace had never even heard of any Herondales, much less did he think that he was related to any. "Walk with me, and I shall explain everything as slowly as possible," Will said, his voice drenched in amusement over Jace's confusion.

Jace wasn't yet entirely convinced that this wasn't some sort of spell or test from the Garden, or even his own hallucination, but he followed Will regardless. He was making no progress on his own, so he figured following a person who may or may not actually be there wouldn't do any harm. "I don't know everything about your life, but I know a fair bit more than you seem to," Will continued, glancing down at Jace's hand in a way that made Jace slightly self-conscious. The Wayland ring was perched on his hand just the way it always had been, and he began to wonder if that's what Will was referring to. "First things first, do remove the Wayland name from your vocabulary as well as that atrocious ring on your hand. You are no more a Wayland than I am a Carstairs." Jace remained silent, mostly because he was waiting for Will to explain everything he knew about the royal line.

"To put it lightly," Will resumed, his smile waning ever so slightly. "The man who raised you most certainly wasn't Michael Wayland, nor was he your father." Jace had so many things he wanted to say and ask, but he simply followed Will and waited, knowing that interrupting would only prolong his waiting. "Valentine Morgenstern raised you, though I still have no idea why he thought convincing you that you were a Wayland was better than convincing you that you were a Morgenstern." Jace continued to store up his questions as Will went on to explain almost everything about his past.

According to Will, Valentine had rescued Jace from his dying mother, a woman named Céline Herondale. After deciding to raise Jace, he'd apparently decided to use Jace in a way that still made no sense to Will, faking his own death to Jace and sending Jace to live with the Lightwoods. "I wouldn't put it past Valentine to try to convince you that you're actually his son when you finally meet once again. Especially since he'll notice your attraction to Clary from a mile away." It came as almost no surprise to Jace that Clary was Valentine's daughter, especially not when her past was so mysterious to all of them in the first place. But Jace had to admit that that wasn't what was truly nagging at his mind.

Before Jace could ask any of his questions at all, he realized the Mortal Sword was directly in front of them, perfectly wedged in the branches of a tree. Yet before Jace took the time to reach for it and take it down, he made a point of turning to Will, too confused to continue, still wondering if this was some sort of trick or trap. "But how do you know all of this?" Jace asked, attempting to keep his rising suspicion out of his voice. There was no easy way to start believing that your entire life had been a lie, and Jace wasn't about to blindly trust in someone he wasn't even sure was real, much less someone whose identity he wasn't entirely sure of, even if he was supposedly related to them. "I'm assuming that most of the information you've given me is known by very few people in this entire world, so what makes you special enough to know it?" It was then that Will's smile reappeared, his expression revealing his amusement once again.

"I know all of this because I have made it a point to know as much as possible about you and your life," Will replied, clearly trying to find the best way to explain himself. "You are the only living Herondale that I know of, and I have spent a lot of time watching over you." When Will paused once more, Jace didn't bother trying to ask the question that was now at the front of his mind, already knowing Will well enough to understand that he was pausing for dramatic effect. "I am currently in my ghostly form, as I haven't actually been alive in a little under a century," he finished, waiting a moment while that sank in. "Our family has always had a knack for seeing ghosts, and that apparently translated over into becoming ghosts as well. So when I realized that you would be coming to the Garden, I made sure to be here so I could explain everything to you."

This time, Will's silence wasn't meant as a dramatic pause, but rather he seemed to be giving Jace time to absorb all the information that had just been thrown at him, and Jace greatly appreciated that. But the problem was that there were so many questions all forming in Jace's mind at once, and he simply didn't know where to start. "Okay, so if I believe for a moment that I'm a Herondale, then how did the royal line change from the Herondales to the Lightwoods? The Clave is far too prejudiced to do something like that of their own accord." Jace found it almost comforting when Will chuckled at that.

"Well, you're certainly right about that," Will conceded, speaking slowly as though he was buying the time needed to figure out how he wanted to explain things to Jace. "To make an impossibly long story short, the woman who eventually became my wife acquired a wish from an angel we had previously helped. And because Tessa is part warlock, the Clave forbade us from marrying, so our situation was much like the one your parabatai currently finds himself," Will said, a wistful smile appearing apparently at the thought of the past. "Not to mention the fact that, also much like your parabatai, I never wanted to be king. So, needless to say, it didn't take Tessa and I long to decide what we wanted our wish to be."

Jace was still slightly confused, and he realized that he had no idea if they were going the right way or not. But he figured that if he really needed to, he could just start running around in circles and calling Alec's name until he heard a response. "When we requested that the angel help us change the royal line of succession, my little sister offered to essentially take the line for us. She happened, however, to be married to a Lightwood," Will continued, his voice taking on a tone that told Jace he'd never truly enjoyed the fact of who his sister had married. "So the angel agreed to change the royal line of succession to the Lightwood descending from Gabriel Lightwood, though he wasn't the eldest because the angel wished to keep at least some Herondale blood in the line. The angel made sure to let us know that he would not be changing any genetics or the blood itself. So long story short, the Lightwoods now hold the title, but the Herondales still have the royal blood within their veins."

As they began nearing the gate once more, Jace only noticed this because Will seemed to be slowing down, almost as though he didn't want to be seen or heard by the others who might still be standing at the gate. "In the end, the angel erased and changed the memories of every living Shadowhunter outside of our families, making it so that everyone thought the royal title truly belonged to the Lightwoods. From there, it wasn't that hard to convince some very powerful warlocks like Magnus Bane and Ragnor Fell to help us take care of Downworld, and we never passed that information down to our children, so the world slowly forgot."

They had come to a complete standstill, and Jace could just make out the treeline that separated the Garden from the rest of Eden. He began wondering why Will seemed to be so against letting the others see him, but it didn't seem to be the time or the place to ask that question. Will's smile, however, began to return, and Jace easily got the sense that his ghostly ancestor was up to something. "If you would ever like to have leverage on the Clave, use this," Will said, handing Jace a simple leather-bound book. "Simply place a drop of blood on one of the pages and it should leave an imprint in the book in the shape of a heron, our family symbol. Before the change in line, every king dropped his blood in the book and signed the page at his coronation. They'd have no choice but to believe you, and I am almost certain that they would do whatever you asked of them."

For a moment, Jace couldn't help but smile down at the book, an idea already forming in his mind. As he looked up to Will once more, ready to thank Will for all that he had done, Will held up a hand, apparently sensing what Jace wanted to say. "The best way you can thank me is to get back out there and let Magnus know that Ragnor is now with me and he is being taken care of," Will said, his voice far more serious than Jace had heard it before. "And don't ever forget the value of your parabatai," Will finished, his voice clearly final. So all Jace could do was nod and turn to leave the Garden, Sword and Book in hand, wondering how the literal ghost of his past had become so very complicated.


	17. Chapter 17

After Jace had finally exited the Garden, everyone had almost unanimously agreed that the best move to make next was to get some rest. Alec had wanted to disagree and assert that the only thing they needed to be doing was finding Max, but he knew the others were right. He wasn't entirely sure of when the last time he'd actually slept had been, and he knew that Max needed all of them to be at their absolute best when it came to dealing with Asmodeus. But the problem was that as soon as they'd gotten back to the Institute, Alec had realized that his mind was working far too fast for him to possibly get any sleep at the moment. So he'd ended up in the greenhouse, trying to calm his mind enough to allow himself to fall asleep.

Alec had been slightly surprised when his mother had offered to let Magnus stay at the Institute with them, but he had been even more surprised when Magnus had accepted this offer. It wasn't that the offer hadn't made sense considering the fact that Magnus planned to help them summon Asmodeus once more and assist them in handling his father. But what hadn't made sense to Alec was the gentleness that his mother had shown Magnus. It was a kind of gentleness he hadn't seen from her in years, and he was slightly amazed at the fact that her gentleness was directed toward a Downworlder. Alec couldn't remember a specific time where his mother had acted aggressively toward any Downworlders, but he also couldn't remember a time where she had been particularly kind to any either.

But what was truly keeping Alec awake was the thoughts of both Max and Magnus. Having Magnus under the same roof once again was disorienting to say the least. Alec almost felt guilty about worrying over the state of his relationship with Magnus because he knew that there were a million more important things to worry about. But the problem was that Magnus had easily become one of the most important people in his life, and Alec was quickly finding out that there weren't many situations left where he didn't take Magnus into consideration. Yet the thing really, truly keeping him awake was the thought of what Magnus's father might be doing to Max. There were endless possibilities, especially where a demon as powerful as Asmodeus was involved.

Alec was trying to keep his mind from roaming to the pain that Max might be in when he heard footsteps coming toward him. His first instinct was to avoid the impending conversation, thinking that it was most likely Magnus or Jace, two people he wanted to clear from his mind at the moment. But then he looked up and realized that it was his mother, and Alec stayed where he was. It was mostly the expression on his mother's face that told him he needed to stay. Maryse was clearly coming to see him with something particular in mind, and Alec could tell that what she wanted to say was something serious enough that she'd been thinking of it far before now.

As his mother sat down beside of him, Alec moved to give her more room, turning toward her so that she knew he was giving her his full attention. For several long moments, Maryse simply sat beside of Alec in silence, something that began to worry Alec at first. "I wanted to come check on you," she finally said, her voice a little more distant than Alec had expected it, almost as though her mind was somewhere else entirely. "The past few days have been overwhelming to say the least," she continued, and Alec simply chuckled at that, the feeling of normality with his mother making him slightly uneasy. With so much of his world turning upside down, such a normal conversation with his mother was the last thing that Alec had expected.

As soon as Alec thought of the question he wanted to ask his mother, he immediately knew that he likely shouldn't ask, fearing the answer might not be what he wanted to hear, but his curiosity won in the end. "Why did you come to help us?" Alec asked, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible, knowing that what his mother had done had likely been a large sacrifice. "I mean, I understand that you came for Max, but I didn't exactly think that you cared too much for Magnus or my history with him," Alec clarified, becoming slightly confused by the soft smile that appeared on his mother's lips.

"That's actually what I came to talk to you about," she said, and Alec immediately felt his heart rate increase, involuntarily worrying that his mother was going to begin acting like Robert. Alec felt horrible for the reaction, but he had never expected Robert to say the things he had said, no matter the situation, so he was finding it hard to trust what he knew about his mother as well. "I was thinking about how brutally honest you've become with me, and I realized that it's time that I do the same with you." Alec felt his confusion as it seeped into his expression. "You've been so brave in your honesty with both yourself and those around you, and I've come to understand that I must work to find that within myself as well."

Alec remained silent, mostly because he felt that was the best option for himself in that moment, knowing that he couldn't trust himself to say anything constructive. "I know how rightfully confused you were over my coming to your aid," Maryse continued, a smile slowly spreading across her face. "But I have absolutely nothing against your relationship with Magnus on any level. Your father has very clearly shown you his distaste of your sexuality, and we both know that he would have no qualms about showing your his distaste of a relationship with a Downworlder. But I wanted to make sure that you know that I have neither distastes that your father has."

Alec's first reaction was to smile back at his mother, and as soon as he'd done so, he clearly saw his mother relax. He wasn't sure that he'd ever seen his mother look so tense and nervous, so he reached over to gently place a hand over hers, hoping to encourage her in the only way he knew how. "As you've begun to understand, my relationship with your father hasn't exactly been a fairy tale story, and I wanted to begin to explain to you that the start of our relationship was just as rocky as the rest of it has been. It's my hope that learning about my past might help keep you from making the same mistakes that I've made." At that, Maryse took a deep breath, almost as though she was trying to steady herself.

The only thing that Alec wanted at the moment was to be able to comfort his mother, but that was also exactly the last thing he knew how to do. "I was with another man before your father," she began, her voice much softer than Alec had heard it in a long time. "His name was Benjamin, and he was a werewolf," she continued, averting her eyes from Alec's in a way that told him she was becoming more self conscious than he had ever seen her. "And we fell in love by accident. It was so sudden that neither of us truly saw it coming." Maryse paused for a moment and then sighed, and the problem was that Alec couldn't tell if she was sighing out of contentment or regret.

The last thing that Alec wanted to do was interrupt his mother, but he was honestly curious, and her extended period of silence began to almost worry him, knowing that she was rarely ever this quiet. So Alec couldn't help but finally speak up, "Why did you marry Dad, then?" he asked without really stopping to think about how it sounded first. "If you were in love with someone else, then what changed?" he added, hoping that phrasing it this way helped it sound a little better. At that, his mother smiled a very soft smile, as though she'd been expecting him to ask that question.

"We kept our love secret for as long as possible," Maryse replied, the smile quickly disappearing from her face. Alec could tell that the thought of the past was quickly becoming much more painful than it was pleasant, and he knew that she wanted nothing more than to be done with this conversation. "My parents, however, inevitably found out about us, and they were outraged to say the least. After several very long arguments, they finally gave me an ultimatum." Alec tried to keep his feelings off of his face, but he knew that he'd always been an open book, especially when it came to his mother, and he knew that she could easily see his disgust just at the thought of what his grandparents might have done.

"They had been working on an arranged marriage with your father without telling me about it," she continued, her voice becoming heavier with each and every word. "So they made it very clear to me that I would either marry Robert Lightwood, or I would be disowned. They'd thrown the words around so easily, as though ripping me from someone I loved was the simplest thing in the world. In the end, Ben simply refused to allow me to do what he called 'throwing away my life' on him." Maryse's voice began to soften, the memories clearly coming back to her at once. "To this day, I cannot tell you why I finally agreed with him and married your father, and that's the reason I wanted to tell you all of this in the first place," she said, her eyes finally meeting Alec's once more.

"Ben died in the Uprising, and there hasn't been a single day since then that I haven't thought of him," Maryse admitted, and Alec could tell that this was a huge step for her as it was likely something she'd been keeping to herself for years. "Don't get me wrong," she quickly added, as though she wanted to make sure that Alec didn't think badly of her. "I have come to love your father far more than I ever thought possible, and I wouldn't give up my children for anything in this world," Maryse said, reaching up to move Alec's hair out of his eyes in a way she hadn't done since he was little. He couldn't help but smile at the gesture, knowing that she was doing everything she knew to do to show him her love.

"I simply don't want you to ever look back on your life and wonder what it would have been like if you'd made different decisions," his mother finally explained, and Alec came to understand where she'd been going with this entire conversation. "Don't make the same mistakes that I made, Alexander, no matter what your father says or does," she continued, removing her hand from under Alec's and placing it over his instead. "Live a life so good that you don't have to wonder what would have happened if you'd chosen differently because you wouldn't change a thing about it." At that, Alec reached over to hug his mother, realizing for the first time in his life that he'd never taken advantage of having such a wonderfully wise mother before.

"Thank you, Mom," was the only thing Alec was able to say. He knew that there was no real way to express his appreciation for what she had told him, so he kept it simple, hugging her once again after they'd stood up. "I know exactly what I need to do now," he said, hoping that he would have the strength to go through with everything that he was now thinking of, hoping that he would be able to fix everything that had gone wrong thus far. If there was one thing he learned from his mother that night, it was that he needed to take control of his life for himself, not allowing anyone to make the most important decision for him. And that was exactly what he intended to do.

.

.

.

Alec was trying to convince himself that they were doing the right thing by giving Asmodeus the Sword, but he wouldn't be entirely sure of anything until he saw Max. They were making their way to the place Asmodeus claimed he would meet them at, and Alec was entirely certain that the only thing keeping him upright at the moment was the thought of his little brother. Up until this moment, Alec had refused to allow himself to think of Max very much, mostly as a way of protecting his sanity. Allowing himself to think of what might have been happening to Max would have only led to one destination, and Alec also knew that having a melt down over Max would not be helpful to anyone. But now all the thoughts and anxieties were coming at once, and Alec could hardly hold them back.

The one thing that Alec was sure of in this moment was that if Max had been hurt in any way, Asmodeus was going to have a fight on his hands. The last thing Alec had wanted to do was drag Mangus along, especially not when Ragnor's death was so fresh on his heart, but the warlock had insisted on coming with them. It had almost seemed like Magnus was refusing to stay behind on the principle that he wanted to make sure Alec and the others were protected, but Alec didn't want to get his hopes up in that way. Yet the more Alec thought about what his mother had said to him, the higher Alec's hopes became for what the future might bring for him. Not that he'd so much as even hinted this to Magnus, but between his thoughts of getting Max back, he couldn't keep himself from thinking of what would lie ahead of him in the weeks and months to come.

Asmodeus had requested that they meet him at an abandoned warehouse just a few blocks from the Institute, as he claimed that it was "neutral ground." So Alec was spending the entire walk trying to calm himself, his mind racing off in so many different directions that he couldn't make sense of any single thought at once. "Max is fine," Magnus said, lengthening his strides until he was walking beside of Alec. Alec wanted to make a sarcastic comment about how Magnus couldn't possibly know that, but he kept his mouth shut, knowing it would be better that way. "Despite his demon blood, my father always keeps his word, especially when he wants something. And he know that if he does anything to Max that he would lose what might be his one and only chance of getting the Sword."

Somehow, this didn't seem to calm Alec's nerves any at all. Mostly because he knew that there were a million things that Asmodeus could do to Max that would be terribly cruel while still keeping him alive. And the last thing Alec wanted was for his little brother to go through the same kinds of things that he and Gabriel had gone through. "What are the chances of us giving your father the Sword and getting Max back without some sort of fight ensuing?" Alec asked, completely ignoring what Magnus had just said. "The only thing I want right now is to get my little brother home safely, but I have the feeling that it's going to be more complicated than that." At that, Magnus chuckled, and for a moment, Alec felt himself relax, the sound of Magnus's laugh almost normalizing the entire situation.

"You're certainly right about that," Magnus replied, the smile quickly disappearing from his face. "I can assure you that my father is going to do everything he can to get the most from us possible," he continued, his voice straining in a way that told Alec he was likely thinking of past encounters he'd had with his father. "But as long as we stand our ground, there's nothing more that he can ask of us other than the Sword. That was the deal we made him, and that's what we shall stick to." Alec knew this sounded logical, but he could also sense the hesitation in Magnus's voice and he knew that getting Max back wouldn't be as straightforward as Magnus was making it seem.

As they rounded the corner to find the abandoned warehouse before them, Alec silently wished that his mother had come along instead of staying behind to try to appease Robert when he returned. Alec was generally sure that he could handle most anything life threw his way, but he also knew that if he entered this building to find that something had happened to his little brother- Alec took a deep breath, stopping that thought before it could become any worse. Max was going to be fine until proven otherwise, so he simply followed Magnus into the warehouse, fingers wrapped round his loaded bow, attempting to steady his shaking hands.

.

.

.

Other than their small party of rescuers, there were only two people in the warehouse, and Alec wanted to react immediately, but Magnus shot him a glance that told him to remain quiet and still. Asmodeus was standing over Max, his arms crossed in an almost lazy way that told Alec he was bored with anything that didn't concern the Sword. Max was on the ground, gagged with his hands tied behind his back. Despite the fact that Max looked absolutely terrified, he looked as though he was unharmed. The only thing that kept Alec from immediately running to his brother's side was the fact that Magnus had moved to gently place a hand on his arm, a subtle reminder that doing anything without Asmodeus's consent could prove fatal.

Despite his better judgement, Alec turned his attention to Asmodeus, his brother's pleading becoming too much for him to bear, the tears beginning to steam down Max's face telling him just how scared his little brother really was. "We have the Sword, just like you asked," Magnus said, reaching to take the Sword from Jace. They had agreed to attempt to let Magnus deal with his father as Magnus was certainly knew the most about dealing with Asmodeus. But as soon as Alec had laid eyes on Max, he knew that was going to be much harder than he had originally thought it was. "It's yours for the taking as long as you hand Max over as promised," Magnus finished, his voice tightening ever so slightly.

Whether or not they should simply give Asmodeus the Sword had been a topic of heated discussion the night before, and Alec winced as Magnus held the Sword out. Magnus had explained over and over that trying to deceive Asmodeus and get Max back while still keeping the Sword would only end in disaster. So in the end, they'd all given up, resolving that having the Sword in Asmodeus's hands would likely be better than allowing Valentine to conduct whatever he had been planning to use the Sword for. Alec didn't like the thought of Asmodeus having the Sword, but at least they would know what to expect when dealing with Asmodeus in the future.

Asmodeus merely chuckled at this, clearly not seeing things the way Magnus saw them. "Why be in such a hurry to part, son?" the demon asked, his voice betraying his amusement. "Why not stay and chat a little? Catch up for old time's sake?" At that, Magnus's lowered the Sword, pointing it toward the ground, almost as though he intended to use it if need be. "For example, how are you and your precious vampire? Or have your tastes shifted toward Shadowhunters now?" he asked, eyeing Magnus's hand that was still on Alec's arm. Magnus gave an indignant snort, clearly unimpressed with his father's line of questioning.

"I don't see how my love life is any of your concern," Magnus replied, his voice relaxed in a very practiced way, as though he had a specific way of dealing with his father. "But if you must know, Camille is not my vampire, nor will she ever be so again." At that, Alec let out breath he hadn't been aware that he was holding and he felt Magnus's fingers tighten around his arm, almost as though Magnus knew what Alec had been thinking. "As for my tastes, they are no different than they have always been. I have always had an eye for kind, honorable people, and that will never change no matter how many times you ask me." The annoyance in Magnus's voice was growing with every word, and Alec could easily tell just how impatient the warlock was becoming.

Asmodeus chuckled once more, this time sending chills down Alec's spine. "When did you begin using the words 'kind' and 'honorable' to describe people who have so carelessly broken your heart?" Asmodeus asked, his words hitting Alec so hard it felt as though he was suffocating. It was one thing for Alec to blame himself for hurting Magnus, but it was another thing entirely for someone to point out the pain Alec had caused him. Alec had spent the past few months trying to protect Magnus, but he had so clearly failed, and the thought of that was almost crippling. "Does that come as a surprise to you, Your Highness?" Asmodeus asked, his attention turning to Alec, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Before Alec could even begin to formulate a response, Magnus removed his hand from Alec's arm, taking a step toward his father, his posture suddenly stiffening. "Father," Magnus began, his voice smoothed over by enormous amounts of self-control. "Why not get to the matter at hand?" he continued, and Alec noticed that Magnus's grip on the Sword was tightening. "Surely after millennia of waiting you would like to feel the weight of your Sword in your hands again," he pressed, and Alec could easily tell that Magnus was trying to draw the conversation away from them and to what Asmodeus really wanted.

At that, Asmodeus took a step toward Magnus, and Alec watched as Max flinched away from him, clearly terrified of what the demon might do to any of them. "What I would really like, son, is to prove myself right to you," Asmodeus answered, his eyes narrowing for the first time since Alec had met him. "What was it I said to you about a century ago? Wasn't it something about how your inability to control your love would eventually be your downfall? If you would only open your eyes, son, you would see how true that has really become." For a moment, Alec couldn't see where Asmodeus was going with this, but he knew that it would be cruel no matter the direction. "If you weren't so blinded by your love for this purely pathetic Shadowhunter, maybe you wouldn't have let Ragnor die right under your nose."

Alec wanted to be shocked by the demon's words, but he also knew that nothing that Asmodeus ever said would shock him. Anyone in their right might would have been able to see that Magnus had done everything possible to protect Ragnor and keep him happy. But that thought didn't seem to register with Magnus as sparks immediately began shooting from his fingertips, and Alec was willing to bet that his cat's eyes were making an appearance. Asmodeus simply began shaking his head, an eerie smile spreading across his face. "If you're going to fight me once again, I do hope that you are a fair bit stronger than you were a century ago. Otherwise you're only going to bore me, son," Asmodeus said, and Alec could hear the amusement and anticipation in it. Alec began to take a step forward, his heart racing at the thought of Magnus fighting with his father, a fight they all knew would be hopeless.

But then Jace moved to place a hand on his shoulder, and Alec hesitated ever so slightly. It was that hesitation that gave Magnus just enough time to drop the Sword and hurl a ball of fire at his father. To both Alec's surprise, and apparently Asmodeus's, the force and speed with which Magnus had thrown the fire forced Asmodeus to hurriedly take several steps backward even as he countered Magnus's spell with his own. Yet even as Asmodeus was ensuring that the fireball dissipated before hitting him, Magnus was firing another one, stepping ever closer to his father. It was then that Alec realized Magnus was directing Asmodeus away from where Max sat on the floor, and Alec was moving toward his little brother before he'd even really registered the fact that he was doing so.

Alec didn't stop moving until he had placed Max against the wall that war currently furthest away from Magnus and Asmodeus. And as soon as he had done so, he moved to cut the rope that was tying Max's hands together. Almost as soon as he had taken the gag out of Max's mouth, Max was in his arms, his tears streaming much faster than they had been before, and Alec could only attribute this to his little brother's relief. Holding onto Max, Alec stood once more, his attention turning back to the fight that was ensuing, a lump rising in his throat as he realized that Magnus was very slowly losing his ground.

The effect was gradual, but Alec could see what was happening, and the most agonizing part was that he was completely and utterly powerless to do anything to help Magnus. Once Asmodeus had gotten past the surprise of Magnus's strength, he'd regained his footing and become comfortable. And now he was allowing Magnus to become comfortable as well, allowing Magnus to think that he had the upper hand. But from Alec's perspective, it was easy to see that Asmodeus was slowly increasing his power, the fight gradually turning in his favor.

Alec felt his arms involuntarily tighten around Max as one of Asmodeus's spells glanced off of Magnus's arm. Magnus audibly winced, but he continued to circle around his father, his spells flying toward the demon ever faster, yet none of them seemed to make a dent in Asmodeus's defense. As soon as Alec saw the blood pouring from Magnus's wound, he began looking for ways to interfere with the fight, but even he could see that trying to help would likely only make things worse. Alec had no idea which spells were intended for what purpose, but Magnus was obviously trying several different tactics as there were numerous colors flying from his fingers. Alec closed his eyes as Magnus had to duck to avoid one of Asmodeus's spells, the spell coming in too quickly for Magnus to protect himself with his magic.

When Alec felt Max place his hand over Alec's heart, he couldn't help but look down at his brother in surprise. Alec hadn't realized just how quickly his heart was beating, but Max had, and he was clearly trying to comfort his big brother without saying a word. He wanted to say something to Max, but before he could so much as figure out what was going on, Alec heard Magnus wince once more, and he tore his eyes away from Max. Magnus's movements were clearly getting slower and less fluid, and each one of Asmodeus's spells was coming closer to hitting him. Asmodeus allowed one of Magnus's spells to go by his defenses, and for a moment, Alec thought it was an accident, but then Asmodeus's eerie smile appeared again.

The colors of the spells began running together so much so that all Alec could make out was a streak of black, but the worst part of this was that he knew the majority of these spells were Asmodeus's. Alec didn't think the situation could become any worse, but then he suddenly had to duck, Max still in his arms, as one of Asmodeus's spells got by Magnus, slamming into the wall where Alec's head had been moments before. Within seconds, Magnus was slamming into the wall as well, no more than a foot away from where Alec stood with Max. And at this point, Alec was entirely surprised to see that Magnus was still on his feet, though he was clearly struggling with this.

Asmodeus walked forward, clearly daring anyone to question what he was doing, lazily reaching to take the Sword from where Magnus had dropped it. As Magnus fired yet another spell, Asmodeus simply flicked his wrist, deflecting the spell without some much as batting an eye. Magnus tried to take a step forward as well but he faltered, falling back against the wall while still firing more spells at his father. "That was a valiant effort, son," Asmodeus said, his smile doing nothing but widening. "I have to admit that I am slightly impressed," he continued, swinging the Sword around so comfortably that Alec had no trouble believing that it was made for Asmodeus to begin with.

"Yet it's very easy to see how Ragnor died under your care," Asmodeus said, his attention turning to Alec afterwards as Magnus's spells slowly came to a stop. "I think you're going to want to find Valentine as soon as possible," he said, almost as though he didn't care whether Alec listened to him or not. "The only thing your precious warlock has accomplished in this fight is diminishing his energy, which, if you didn't know, often proves fatal for the warlocks this happens to." Alec risked a glance at Magnus and internally sighed when he saw that Magnus was still on his feet.

"Last I checked, Valentine currently owns the Book of the White, which is the only book in the world that contains the spell that could heal him," Asmodeus continued, glancing down at the Sword as though he was bored with the current conversation. "I would offer to heal him myself, but I'm interested to see how you will react to this as I have been betting all along that your love will be the death of him." At that, Asmodeus turned away from them, clearly done with the situation at hand. With that, Asmodeus was gone, Sword and all, and the weight of what they had done hit Alec all at once. Alec moved to sit Max on the ground again, and it was then that Magnus collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you are enjoying this story! Please come let me know your thoughts! This story should be coming to a close very soon and I have some new and exciting things in store for when it does! I love you all; your support means the world to me!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple of things before I let you get started with this one! My plan is to round this story off at 20 chapters, and I'm hoping that I can have the next two chapters written by next week! No promises, but I'm really excited about the next story I'm going to start, so I'm trying to use my spring break to finish this one up!
> 
> Also, this chapter briefly touches on the topic of child abuse. Many of you will think nothing of it, and a lot of you will likely not classify it as such, but I wanted to make everyone aware just in case someone does need that warning.
> 
> I love you all! Thank you so much for your support! As always, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy this fairly intense chapter!

From the moment they'd gotten back to the Institute, Max had refused to leave Alec's side, and that was fine by him. He knew the feeling of being so hopelessly terrified both for yourself and for someone you loved, and he wasn't going to invalidate that for Max. So he had let Max follow him around, most often holding his hand, as he rushed around the Institute. For hours, Alec had gone back and forth between the infirmary and the library, trying to keep up with what Catarina Loss was saying about Magnus's situation while also working toward finding Valentine so that they could retrieve the Book of the White. In this time, Alec had heard people whispering both about himself and Valentine, who appeared the be planning some kind of attack soon. But he cared about neither of those things at the moment.

In the end, it was Isabelle who had urged Alec to sit with Magnus, convincing him that she and Jace would find Valentine for him if he would only take care of himself for the time being. So Alec found himself sitting at Magnus's bedside, watching Catarina run around the infirmary as she attempted to help Magnus as much as she could without the correct spells. Max was curled up beside of him, and somehow, that more comforting than anything had been in the longest time. Alec was highly aware of the fact that his little brother was watching him as he reached over to take hold of Magnus's hand. "You really love him, don't you?" Max asked, his voice soft and gentle, absolutely no hint of judgement hiding behind his curiosity.

For a moment, Catarina paused in the midst of her work, and Alec knew that just like Ragnor, she wanted nothing more than for Magnus to be safe and happy. Before answering, Alec cleared his throat, attempting to rid his voice of the fear he currently felt. "I love him more than I would have ever thought possible," he replied, internally wincing at just how weak his voice really sounded. He had planned on saying something else to Max, but that was when Magnus began to move for the first time since they'd left the warehouse. His movements were painfully slow, his breaths shallow and uneven. Yet almost impossibly so, a smile was slowly creeping across his face, something that did nothing other than confuse Alec.

"That's wonderful to hear," Magnus said, his voice hopelessly faint. The warlock must have seen the concern that sprung up on Alec's face because he squeezed Alec's hand ever so gently. "I was beginning to wonder," he said, his voice cut off by a wince as he tried to sit up. Alec was on his feet in seconds, reaching to help Magnus up, wondering how he'd fallen so helplessly in love without noticing it was happening. He only took his seat once more when Magnus began insisting that he did so, trying to convince Alec that he was actually fine.

"What I don't understand," Alec finally said, his voice much stronger than he had expected it to be. "Is how this is different from when you were able to take my strength. You didn't need the Book of the White back then, so what makes this different?" he asked, watching as Catarina went back to work after she became convinced that Magnus was fine. Alec couldn't help but take hold of Magnus's hand once more, wondering whether or not this would be his last chance to make things right with Magnus, his last chance to let Magnus know that, despite everything, he still loved the warlock more than he himself even understood.

As Magnus opened his mouth, Catarina interrupted, clearly wanting Magnus to save what little bit of energy he had left. "When Magnus used your energy, he used it to heal a physical wound. His energy was low then because he was losing blood and he was in pain; everything then was physical." Catarina moved to hand Magnus a glass of water, the caring gesture so normal to her that it made Alec smile. "The difference here is that he lost his energy because he was using so much magic, not because he was physically injured. The only way to heal something that was magically taken is with magic, and that kind of magic isn't something we warlocks just know how to do without instruction." Alec was still slightly confused, but he kept quiet, mostly because Magnus spoke up before he could ask any clarifying questions.

"You don't have to do this," he said, immediately shaking his head when Alec began to protest. "Facing Valentine in this way will likely be the hardest thing you've ever done both physically and mentally, and don't you dare deny it." Magnus's words were slow and heavy, but he was still speaking, and Alec counted that as a small victory. "I know our relationship hasn't been ideal of late, but I would never dream of asking you to do something like this for me, no matter the state of whatever this relationship might be called." Alec moved to sit beside of Magnus, facing the warlock while ignoring the fact that his little brother was very intently watching them.

"We are going to have plenty of time to redefine this relationship," Alec said, pushing away thoughts of what the Clave might think, knowing exactly what he was going to have to do. "I'm going to do this because I know that you would never ask me to. Because I love you. Because the thought of losing you-" Alec's words caught in his throat, surprising him just as much as everyone else. It was then that he realized that even the thought of losing Magnus was absolutely inconceivable, and he knew that should have scared him, but he couldn't seem to find it in himself to so much as imagine a world without Magnus.

Before Magnus could respond, the door to the infirmary swung open with such force that Alec knew who it was without looking. Looking up at Robert, Alec refused to let go of Magnus's hand, holding his ground despite everything inside of himself that told him to back down. Without a word, Robert flung a piece of paper on Magnus's bed, clearly waiting for one of them to pick it up and read it. It was a letter addressed to him, and Alec didn't have to look to know who it was from. "I've been told that you need the Book of the White," Alec read, a lump rising in his throat. "I also seem to have acquired Raphael Santiago without raising any alarm. Meet me at midnight where you met Asmodeus if you would like a chance at ever laying eyes on the Book or the vampire again. Bring both Simon and Clary or any deal we might make will be invalid." Alec turned to glance at the clock that was hanging above the infirmary door. It was already ten, and without any sleep, the two hours remaining would barely be enough time to prepare for a mission of this sort.

Alec finally turned to his father, his hand still wrapped around Magnus's, knowing that the gleam in his eyes were all but daring Robert to challenge him. And, naturally, that was exactly what Robert did next. "This is what you're throwing your life away for?" he asked, his voice packed with more disgust than Alec would have thought possible. "You're prepared to throw away your throne or even your life for this?" Robert carelessly threw a hand in Magnus's direction, clearly feeling as though Magnus wasn't worth the correct pronoun or even a glance. Alec felt anger bubbling up inside of him, and he tried to tamp it down despite know that doing so was impossible.

Alec moved to stand and face his father, his grip on Magnus's hand tightening as the warlock tried to let go. "I would throw the world away for Magnus," he replied, putting an extra bit of emphasis on Magnus's name. "You can have your precious throne; you can have this life if that's what it takes for me to be with him. I don't want this throne or this life if he's not standing by my side," Alec continued, the flash of anger in Robert's eyes only giving him that much more resolve. "Nothing you could say or do would change that for me. You could offer me the world, but I wouldn't take it. I don't want the world, father; I want this man right here." At that, Magnus gave Alec's hand a gentle squeeze, and Alec squeezed back, wondering where this all of this had come from.

For several long moments, Robert was silent. Just a few weeks ago, Alec knew that his heart would have been beating out of control at the thought of what his father was going to say next. But now, Alec stood calmly waiting for an answer, knowing that he simply no longer cared about what his father said. "What you do tonight is your choice," Robert began, his voice eerily calm in a way that Alec hadn't heard before. "But know this son," he continued, glancing toward Magnus for the first time since he'd entered the room. "If you meet with Valentine tonight, no matter whether you are successful in your endeavors or not, you will no longer be a Lightwood."

With that, Robert turned on his heels and began walking toward the door, obviously done with the conversation. "If a Lightwood is supposed to let innocent people die," Alec began, finally dropping Magnus's hand and stepping toward his father who had stopped walking but still had his back toward Alec. "If a Lightwood is supposed to deny love; if a Lightwood is supposed to hate others for being different," Alec continued, the words flowing out of him before he really had time to think of what he was saying. Alec almost smiled as he finished, "Then I would much rather be a Bane."

The next thing that Alec knew, he was feeling a sharp pain across his cheek, and his father was suddenly facing him. The next few seconds went by slowly as Alec registered the fact that the pain and the fact that his father was facing him went hand in hand, slowly realizing that his father had hit him. By the time Alec had registered this fact, Robert had raised his hand once more, and Alec knew that he wasn't going to have time to react. There would be no dodging or fending off his father's next blow. But then the blow never came, and Alec felt the relief wash over him as he tried to puzzle through what was happening.

Robert's hand was still raised, and it was evident that he was also trying to figure out what was going on. It was then that Alec realized his father was struggling against something that clearly wasn't visible, and he finally quickly turned around to see Magnus with his hand stretched toward Robert, sparks steadily streaming from his fingertips. Alec had hold of Magnus's hand within seconds, the sparks softening as soon as they made contact with Alec's hand. "Stop," Alec said, forcing the word out through his clenched jaw. "Don't you dare use the last of your energy trying to protect me," he pleaded, willing Magnus to let go of his father if only for Magnus's own good. Yet when Alec turned to look back at his father, Robert's hand remained in the air. "Magnus," he said, throwing everything he had into the warlock's name.

At this, Magnus finally looked back at Alec, ripping his eyes away from Robert as though it was painful for him to do so. "I am a patient man, Alexander," Magnus said, his words slower than they had been, his energy clearly draining further with every second he used his magic. "But the one thing I will never find patience for is a man who hits his son," Magnus finished, his voice heavy with the weight of his words. As the silence stretched out before them, Alec became increasingly desperate, fear rising up inside of him at the thought of losing Magnus because of his father. Ever so slowly, however, Magnus lowered his hand, his fingers still entwined with Alec's. The last thing Alec wanted to do was turn back to his father, but he did so regardless, his fear only worsening as he did so.

This time, Robert was not alone, as Jace had entered the infirmary and was currently holding a seraph blade to Robert's chest. "You and I are in agreement, Magnus," Jace said through his teeth, his rage barely contained. Alec slowly stood, letting go of Magnus and giving Catarina a look that begged her to make sure he didn't use his magic anymore. Alec moved to place a hand on his parabatai's shoulder, hoping to curb Jace's anger before things spiraled even further out of control. "Don't," Jace said, the blade not budging an inch. "Don't try to keep the peace like you always do. Don't try to tell me that he doesn't deserve this."

Alec took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking in the hopes that he wouldn't misspeak and make the situation worse. "I'm not going to try to do that because he does deserve whatever you have in mind for him," Alec admitted, internally sighing in relief as Jace's blade began to waver. "But I'm going to ask you to trust me, Jace, trust me when I say that he isn't worth it. He isn't worth getting upset over. He isn't worth hurting because in the end, he's just a bitter man who can't stand the thought of his children having minds of their own." It took several more moments, but Jace eventually lowered the blade, and before anyone could say anything else, Robert had turned and exited the infirmary, his fear over what might happen to him next bringing a smile to Alec's face.

But that smile quickly vanished as Alec turned back to Magnus whose shoulders were slumped in a way that told Alec his was far weaker than he had been before. "You need sleep," Alec said as he moved to sit beside of Magnus once more. Magnus reached up to brush his thumb across Alec's cheek, and Alec forced himself to keep from wincing as the warlock's touch met with his newly formed bruise. Alec could see the concern and pain in Magnus's eyes, and he wanted nothing more than to take that away from Magnus. But then Alec realized that the pain in his cheek was gone, and he reached up to touch where Magnus's finger had just traced. Magnus had a weak smile on his face, as though he knew what Alec's next response was going to be.

Magnus had healed the bruise for him, and that thought only served to make it hard for Alec to breathe. The more magic Magnus did, the closer to death he would be, and the warlock couldn't seem to stop trying to take care of Alec. But Alec couldn't find it in himself to yell at Magnus despite the anger and fear that he felt. He could see the love in Magnus's eyes, he could see just what had made the warlock do this, and the only thing he could do was lean in to kiss Magnus, the other man all but sighing into him. The world immediately left Alec, nothing mattering but Magnus, noting existing save Magnus.

Even after so long apart, it felt as though absolutely nothing had changed. Even with Magnus barely able to sit up on his own, Alec could feel every emotion the warlock had ever felt for him, every second of love they had shared. Alec melted into Magnus as though their love could set everything right, as though just the act of loving one another could erase the months and years of pain that they'd both experienced. Yet Alec forced himself to pull away from Magnus when he began to feel just how weak Magnus was. The warlock's eyes were closed, and Alec knew that they weren't going to open again, and he found himself wondering if he would ever again look into those eyes he loved so much. He moved to stand once more, gently placing a kiss on Magnus's forehead before turning to motion toward Jace and Max, leading them out of the room despite the fact that every bone in his body told him to stay with Magnus.

.

.

.

Alec found himself in the library, applying a rune to help him with his fatigue, knowing that he wouldn't be able to rest for hours more. He kept looking toward the door, worried that Robert or Catarina would bust through. His father he could deal with, but Alec knew that the next time he talked to Catarina could be the last time he saw Magnus alive. "What's the plan?" Jace asked, taking a seat on the couch beside of Alec. He'd rounded up Isabelle, Simon, and Clary, and somehow they all already had their weapons ready. The only thing still needed would be Alec's bow and arrow, and they would likely be ready to go.

"None of you have to do this," Alec said, holding up a hand as Jace began to shake his head. "This is likely going to be the dumbest and most dangerous mission we've been on, and I could never ask any of you to do this for Magnus and I," he finished, his words coming out much quicker than he had intended. Alec smiled at their shocked looks, mostly because he knew the weight of what he was saying. If Clary and Simon didn't go with them, Valentine wouldn't even begin to consider giving up the Book, and without the Book, Magnus would be dead within days if not hours.

"You don't have to ask any of us to do it," Isabelle said, coming to sit on the arm of the couch closest to Alec. Alec couldn't help but look toward Simon and Clary who were both nodding vigorously, agreeing with Isabelle before she'd even finished. "You and Magnus are both family to us, and there's no way we're going to leave family for dead when there's more to be done." Alec reached to place his hand on Isabelle's, his nerves beginning to get the better of him. The last thing he wanted to do was drag his siblings into danger once more, but he also realized that the only way to leave them behind would be to fasten them to the walls. And Alec knew that even that might not work.

They all turned as the library door opened, and Alec felt his heart skip a beat at the thought that something may have happened to Magnus before they even had the chance to retrieve the Book. Yet when Alec turned, he couldn't help but smile to see Max standing in the doorway, his little brother holding his bow in one hand and a quiver full of arrows in the other. "I know you'll need these," he explained as he walked toward Alec, holding up the weapons almost as an offering to his big brother. "And I wanted to make things faster for you because you need to heal Magnus as soon as possible." Max looked down at his feet then, and Alec moved to squat in front of his brother. "I've never seen you love anyone that way," Max continued, his voice soft and light, finally looking back up to meet Alec's eyes. "But I've never seen anyone love you that way either."

Alec couldn't help but smile, mostly because he knew just how right his little brother was. Alec had known these things were true, but he hadn't been aware that they were so obvious to everyone around them. "You can't let him go without a fight," Max continued, extending his arms to hand Alec his weapon. "I won't let you." Alec moved to set his bow and quiver on the couch, reaching to wrap Max in a hug. He could tell that his little brother would gladly follow them into battle if he could, but Alec was content with the help that Max was giving him, content with knowing that there was one more person in the world who wouldn't give up on them.

"Sorry to do this right now," Jace said, his voice heavier than Alec remembered ever hearing it. "But it's eleven thirty which means that we need to go if we're going to make it there on time," he said. Alec reluctantly let go of Max despite the fact that it was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. Max walked them to the door, and for a moment, Alec considered asking his little brother to take care of Magnus for him. But then he realized that that would be asking too much of Max, though he knew his little brother would do it in a heartbeat. So Alec simply waved goodbye to Max, swallowing the lump in his throat and following Jace down the Institute's steps and into the street.

The first clear thought Alec had while on the way back to the warehouse was that he was no longer a Lightwood. At least, not if his father stayed true to his word. And yet, this thought somehow brought him peace rather than the pain he had expected. He'd meant every word of what he'd told Robert, and he found himself regretting absolutely nothing that he'd done. If saving the man he loved meant being disowned, then Alec knew that there was absolutely no competition. He would choose Magnus every single day of his life if that was what his father asked of him, and Alec knew there was no changing that.

Very suddenly, the image of Magnus's face washed through Alec's mind, and he couldn't hold it back. The last thing Alec wanted to do was to wonder whether or not he would ever see Magnus's smile again, whether he would ever hear Magnus's laugh once more, whether he would ever again hear Magnus say his name. There were only so many ways this situation could end, and Alec wasn't sure that the odds were in their favor. Yet he knew that he would not go down without fighting. This would not be the end of Magnus's life, not if he had anything to say about it. Yet Alec knew that Valentine would do everything he could to take all of them out. But all he had to do was get the Book to Catarina. All he had to do was get his hands on the Book and then send just one of them back to the Institute with it.

It sounded so simple when he thought of it that way. But Alec knew that it was far from simple. It was all too likely that he would freeze up when facing Valentine once more. Despite the fact that he wanted nothing more than to make Valentine suffer for what he'd done to Gabriel, Alec knew that he would have to fight his instincts to do so. And he simply wasn't sure how easily he would be able to go about doing just that. The only thing that gave him hope was the thought of Magnus, the thought that all he had to do was keep fighting until Magnus was safe. All he had to do was put one foot in front of another until Magnus opened his eyes once more.

They stopped outside the warehouse, and Izzy and Jace immediately began talking about a plan. But Alec couldn't help but stare at the building, knowing that his life would never be the same once he walked back through those doors. All he could do was nod when Jace asked him if he was ready, not trusting himself to speak. Just as they were walking through the door, Alec realized that Valentine had seemingly known for himself that they had met with Asmodeus here earlier, a thought that should have stood out to him long ago. There was no way that Valentine could have known this unless he'd talked to Asmodeus for himself, and that meant they were in far more danger than they'd first imagined. None of them had once considered that this might be trap, and Alec swore vigorously at their foolishness as a vampire launched herself at him. As he hit the wall behind him, Magnus's face flashed through his mind once more, and then suddenly everything went black.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about that! My formatting messed up, so I just deleted it and fixed the chapter that way! 
> 
> Hi all! So this story only has a couple of chapters left (I haven't decided exactly how many yet)! I hope you're enjoying it though! Please come let me know your thoughts! I would greatly appreciate it!
> 
> I really hope you can forgive me for what I've done in this chapter! I had an outline written for the last 4 chapters of this story. Then last night, I changed the outline for this chapter. And I changed it again as I wrote it. So, needless to say, this chapter is quite the doozy. I had a lot of fun in writing this chapter, so please do come talk to me about it!

All Alec could do as soon as he woke up was blink rapidly until the stars dancing in front of his eyes finally faded away. The first thing he saw was Jace's silhouette, his parabatai standing over him, a seraph blade blazing in each hand. It took several seconds for Alec to register what was happening, his mind slowed by the recent blow to his head. Jace's seraph blades were blazing while Isabelle's whip was moving faster than Alec could see because there was an impossible number of Downworlders currently attacking them. As Alec finally moved to stand up, wincing at the fact that he was slightly dizzy, he scanned the room as best he could, trying to make sense of the situation before them.

The room was all but full of Downworlders, fey, warlocks, vampires, and werewolves alike, and they all seemed to be focused on one thing: killing the group that had just walked through the door. Yet the biggest problem at the moment was that Alec couldn't find Simon, and naturally Simon was the only one of their group who couldn't fight in any way. As Alec loaded his bow, he was surprised to see that Clary was handling herself well enough that he could continue to look for Simon without worrying about what might happen to her. He momentarily wondered when he had actually become close enough to Clary and Simon to worry about them during a battle, but he shoved that thought aside as he registered the fact that a warlock was sneaking up behind Jace, clearly poised to take him down before Jace would even realize there was anyone behind him.

Without any further thought, Alec released an arrow, watching with satisfaction as it landed in the warlock's leg, just above his knee. By the time the warlock had hit the floor, Alec had already released a second arrow, this one lodging in the warlock's left hand. A fraction of a second later, the warlock had a matching arrow in his right hand. Alec felt horrible for this, but he had needed to take the warlock down along with his use of magic, and something inside of Alec was pulling on his heart, keeping him from killing the man before him. Something was telling him that these Downworlders wouldn't behave in this manner under normal circumstances, and he was determined to find out what Valentine was up to, knowing that he had to be the one behind this.

After taking down several more Downworlders who strayed a bit too close to his siblings, Alec finally managed to make eye contact with Jace. And that was exactly what he needed to do in order to let his parabatai know what his intentions were, the need for words absent in a bond such as theirs. Jace simply nodded, and Alec knew that he was now able to go search for Simon and Valentine, and eventually Raphael, without worrying about leaving the others behind. It took Alec far longer than it should have to reach the opposite end of the warehouse's main room as far too many Downworlders tried to stand in his way. Yet Alec was happy to see that the room wasn't as full as he had first thought it was, even if there were still more Downworlders than would make for an even fight. When he was satisfied that Simon was nowhere in the main room, Alec turned his attention to the section of the warehouse that once contained the offices, sneaking off before any of the Downworlders could follow him.

The first two rooms that Alec tried were completely empty, but once he'd opened the door to the third room, Alec found himself more surprised than anything else. Curled up in a corner, clearly terrified, was a young warlock boy who couldn't have been more than five years old, clearly made a warlock by the fact that he had dark blue skin. Alec's first thought was to leave the child there, as he was obviously posing no threat to anyone, but then the fear in the boy's eyes reminded Alec of the fear that had been in Max's eyes just hours ago. So Alec lowered his bow, silently praying that Simon had simply found a place to hide, taking a few slow steps toward the child. "It's okay," he said as soon as he saw the boy push himself further against the wall, clearly terrified of Alec. "I won't hurt you; I'm here to help. What's your name?" he continued, kneeling on one knee, attempting to make himself less intimidating. When the boy didn't answer, he tried again, hoping to get the boy to focus on something long enough to answer. "Do you know what's going on out there?" he asked, trying to keep his voice soft and reassuring.

At first, the boy remained silent, and Alec began to wonder if this was truly a waste of the precious time they had. But then the boy finally looked up at him with tear filled eyes, speaking so quietly that Alec could hardly hear him. "My name is Max," he said, eyeing Alec almost as though he was trying to figure out who he could trust. Alec couldn't help but smile at that, wondering what Max would think of a warlock child who bore his name. "Valentine promised he would keep us safe if we just did this one thing for him," Max said, his voice wavering with every syllable. "My parents told me to wait for them here. They said they'd be back. They said I'd be safe, but I got worried and went to look for them. They're not coming back," he said, his voice so final that it cut at Alec's heart. He quickly felt anger rising up within him, knowing that what Valentine wanted was for them to take down as many Downworlders as they could before being taken down themselves.

"You stay here, okay?" Alec asked, waiting for Max to nod before he even began to move. "I'm going to lock you in so that no one can hurt you and I promise you I'll be back to get you." Before leaving the room, Alec quickly texted this to as many people he could think of, knowing that he couldn't leave the child locked in the room forever but also knowing that there was a chance that he himself might end up like the Max's parents. He greatly doubted that any of the Downworlders would touch the child, and he knew that the the others would never harm him, but Alec couldn't keep his big brother attitude out of the picture long enough to leave the door unlocked. He quickly made his way toward the next door, becoming increasingly worried that he'd taken too much time in trying to help Max.

Alec knew the next door was the right door as soon as he opened it because he was immediately aware of the presence of Downworlders. Yet the problem that Alec registered almost as soon as he'd stepped into the room was that he had found the right room at the wrong time. He entered to find Raphael standing over Simon and another vampire he didn't know. Alec's relief at finding Raphael and knowing what this would mean to Magnus was short lived when he realized why Simon wasn't moving. "I tried to save him," Raphael explained, his voice even as though he knew where this conversation would head. "I know what you and your friends mean to Magnus," he explained when he saw Alec's curiosity as to why he'd intervene in this way. "The only way I can save him now is turn him," Raphael finished, his expression clearly saying that he was waiting for Alec to make that decision.

For a moment, Alec considered telling him to wait for someone else to make that decision, but then he realized that Raphael himself would know the best course of action to take. If anyone knew whether Simon would easily integrate into life as a Downworlder, it was Raphael. "Do whatever you think is best," Alec answered, and Raphael simply nodded, apparently on the same page as Alec. "What exactly is going on here?" he asked, motioning toward the door behind him. For several long moments, Raphael remained silent, looking down at Simon as though he was trying to decide the best way to go about this situation.

"Valentine is three rooms down from here," Raphael said, almost as if he hadn't heard Alec's question. "And I'd suggest you either go stop him or go back to the Institute immediately. He's using this entire situation as a distraction." Alec mentally let out a string of cursing, knowing what was coming next and wondering how he could have been this stupid. "His Shadowhunter followers are currently storming the Institute. He thinks that you still have the Sword, and he's determined to take it from you." Raphael paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was much more urgent than Alec had ever heard it. "I heard him give the orders to kill anyone and everyone they encounter while there," he finished, and Alec's heart skipped several beats and he was out of the room before Raphael had so much as finished speaking.

Alec had no idea of just how many Circle members Valentine had sent to the Institute, but he knew Valentine was smart enough to send far more people than necessary. Alec's first thought was of Magnus, hopelessly thinking of the fact that Magnus was in absolutely no condition where he could defend himself physically or magically. His mother and Max were still there, and while Alec knew that his mother was more than capable of defending herself, he also knew that she would need help against Valentine's forces. The majority of the royal guards would be with Robert who had gone to Idris for a meeting, something that Valentine had clearly planned around. The only thing Alec wanted to do at the moment was race back to those he loved, but despite his hesitations, Alec headed for the room Raphael had directed him to, knowing that without the Book of the White, Magnus was dead no matter what was happening at the Institute.

Bursting into the room that contained Valentine was probably not the best idea in hindsight, but his fear was the one thing driving him at the moment, and it was one thing he knew he couldn't contain. Valentine was sitting at a desk that had obviously been left there when the warehouse had been abandoned, and he was flipping through the Book of the White in the most calm of ways. What surprised Alec the most was the fact that Valentine was completely alone, and he almost smiled at the thought that the man before him was beginning to become overly confident. If only he knew how much time Alec had put into training for the sole purpose of one day paying Valentine back, the other man wouldn't be sitting before Alec as though he didn't have a care in the world.

"Your Highness," Valentine said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and bitterness in a way that Alec knew only Valentine could pull off. "How nice of you to join me; please do take a seat." Valentine was being overly dramatic, and Alec decided to indulge him despite the chills that were running down Alec's spine and the fact that he was beginning to feel sick just by looking at Valentine. He took the seat on the opposite side of the desk, positioning himself in the best way possible to draw a seraph blade in a moment's notice. "If you were wondering why I brought you here, it seems that you have something I would like, and I have something you would like. So I'm sure we can come to an agreement with little trouble," he continued, and Alec simply let him talk, knowing that Valentine craved authority.

"You seem to have acquired the Soul Sword," Valentine said, his voice just as smooth as it ever was. Alec could see why Valentine easily attracted followers and made people trust him, but Alec also knew that he would rather deal with Asmodeus any day than have to take on Valentine; at least Asmodeus was straightforward with what he wanted whereas Valentine was rarely to be trusted even when he told the truth. "I currently possess the Book of the White, though I could be persuaded to part with it for a price." Valentine was silent then, clearly waiting for Alec to respond. But Alec decided to allow the silence to extend for several long seconds, knowing just how much it would annoy Valentine. If there was one thing he had learned about Valentine, it was that the man hated to have control taken away from him, and Alec planned to use that against him.

Alec looked down at his nails then, mimicking something he'd seen Asmodeus do that had driven him absolutely insane. He did his best to look disinterested, knowing that the trick would bother a control-freak like Valentine far more than it had ever bothered Alec himself. "It's true that I have the Mortal Sword," he finally replied, smoothing over the lie by looking up to meet Valentine's eyes. "But I'm afraid that whoever gave you the impression that I wish to possess of the Book of the White was mistaken." Alec refused to look at the Book as Valentine placed his hand over it, clearly trying to gauge Alec's reactions to see how truthful he was being. It was then that Alec pushed himself back into the seat, relaxing as if to tell Valentine that he was the only one at a disadvantage in this situation.

Valentine continued to study him for several more moments, a smile spreading across his face in a way that made Alec feel nauseous. Alec silently thanked all his years of pretending to be the perfect prince for preparing him for this moment, knowing that he wouldn't have been able to keep his emotions off of his face in any other way. "Either you are lying to me, Prince Alexander, or you and I are more alike than I once thought," Valentine replied, his smile slowly turning into what Alec could only think of as something between a grin and a smirk. "I have it on good authority that without the spells in this Book, Magnus Bane has only a few hours left of his wretched life." Alec forced himself to remain uninterested despite the disgust in Valentine's voice. "I also have it on good authority that, despite your father's best teachings, you have become romantically involved with Bane."

With every word, Alec found it increasingly difficult to keep his face expressionless. But then the sound of Gabriel's voice flashed through his mind, and he couldn't help but hear his brother coaching him through the situation, telling him to calm down. Valentine leaned forward then, resting his elbows on the desk, tilting his head almost out of curiosity. "Or is it possible that you have spent a lot of time playing with the heart of a worthless halfbreed simply for the fun of it?" Alec knew that his face remained expressionless, but when Valentine laughed, he realized that he'd been unable to keep his eyes from flashing in anger. "No, I suppose not. But do tell me this, Price Alexander," Valentine continued, his voice seeming to run out of patience. "When were you planning on telling me that you no longer have the Sword? Or is the thought of dying for your one true love really so appealing to you?"

Alec was on his feet within seconds, but that was enough time to allow Valentine to get the upperhand. Alec winced as his seraph blade met with Valentine's, the force of the blow forcing him to take several steps backward, pushing his chair out of the room as he did so. The time for playing mind games with one another was clearly over, and Alec wondered why Valentine had even played with him to begin with, especially if he'd always known that they had given the Sword to Asmodeus. Alec allowed Valentine to push him around the desk before he came out of the defensive mode and began to attack back, hoping to lull Valentine ever so slightly before coming at him in full force. "I have to admit," Valentine said through his teeth. "That you are a far more impressive fighter than your pathetic brother ever was."

That only prompted Alec to swing his blade that much harder, to move his feet that much faster, finally taking control of the fight from Valentine. Yet Alec refused to allow himself to become comfortable or confident, knowing all too well that anything could happen to change the situation to a dire one. The first moment of satisfaction Alec had since he'd walked through the warehouse's door was the moment when he found a way through Valentine's defenses, his blade slicing into the other man's dominant arm with little resistance. Valentine tired to withdraw after that, to take a moment's break, but Alec would have none of that. Alec didn't stop until Valentine was on his back on the ground, his blade several inches out of reach, his heavy breathing evidence of just how relentless Alec had been.

Yet even in this position, Valentine was smiling and chuckling, his voice finding Alec just as he began to lift his seraph blade one final time. "I find it simply ridiculous that someone like you believes he can kill someone like me. You don't have it in you, Your Highness." Alec paused, his blade still poised, trying to find it in himself to end the situation right then. "I know you better than you think; I've been watching you your entire life. What will your parabatai think if you kill the man who raised him? I may not be Jonathan's father, but he still cares for me more than you think. I may be a horrible man, but you, Prince Alexander, you are no killer." Alec began to raise his blade once more, but it was then that he realized he'd made possibly the greatest mistake of his life in pausing to listen to Valentine.

Valentine kicked at him, and Alec's legs came flying out from under him. The only thing that kept him from hitting the ground right then and there was the fact that he and Jace had practiced this particular scenario for years. So he twisted underneath himself, landing in a crouch, smiling at the surprise on Valentine's face. Yet this had been enough time for Valentine to retrieve his own blade, swinging it down on Alec despite his astonishment. Alec made a mental note to thank Jace the next time he had the opportunity to do so, knowing that if Jace hadn't made him practice that particular move so many times it had made him sore, he would likely be dead right now. "Not that it matters, Your Highness," Valentine said, his words heavy with exertion. "Because I am entirely certain that your precious warlock has fortunately left this world after centuries of gracing us with his miserable existence."

Once again, Alec found himself fighting harder than he had even known he could despite the fact that every bone and muscle in his body was screaming at him to rest. It was then that Alec realized Jace was standing in the doorway, watching them in a very distant way. Alec urged Jace to refrain from entering the fight, knowing that it would only complicate things more. Having Alec's own emotions in the mix of this fight was more than enough, and he didn't know if he could handle having Jace's emotions to balance as well. At long last, Alec felt comfortable enough to do something that Valentine wasn't expecting. When Valentine's next blow came, Alec didn't meet it with his own seraph blade, ducking instead.

Just as Valentine lost his footing, having expected to meet resistance from Alec's blade, Alec swung his own blade at Valentine's legs. As expected, Valentine crumpled to the ground, Alec's blade only halting once it had hit the bone. To Alec's surprise, he didn't have to worry about pulling the blade out, as Jace tossed his own seraph blade his way. To Alec, this felt like Jace's way of letting go and giving him permission to do whatever he saw fit. So Alec simply nodded toward the Book of the White, knowing that Jace would understand that Alec wanted him to take it back to the Institute while he took care of Valentine. Alec reached down to grab the hilt of his own blade, twisting it around in Valentine's leg, the sound of Valentine's pathetic moans almost becoming poetic justice. Almost.

"Give me one legitimate reason why I shouldn't kill you right now," Alec said, bringing Jace's blade down on Valentine's neck, still turning the hilt of his own ever so slowly. "And I'll let you go; simple as that." Alec couldn't help but laugh when Valentine spit in his face, the realization that Alec was genuine this time slowly creeping across his face. "I'll make sure that the world knows just how pathetically you died," Alec said, standing up while pressing his foot into Valentine's wound, his own creatively cruel way of keeping the man down. "I'm sure Magnus will still be laughing about it centuries from now," Alec finished, bringing his blade back down on Valentine as rage flashed through the man's eyes one final time. Alec had spent his entire life imagining the moment he would sink a blade through Valentine's heart, but he never could have imagined it this way.

Instead of feeling satisfaction or pride, Alec simply felt empty. Nothing could ever bring Gabriel back, and that was a lesson that had taken him years to learn. So it was no surprise that staring down at Valentine's body did absolutely nothing to lift the fear he felt at the thought that he'd potentially lost several people he cared about. Alec finally looked away from Valentine when he heard footsteps just outside of the room. Isabelle appeared in the doorway, and she paused mid-stride when she registered the scene before her. Several seconds later, she launched herself at Alec, wrapping her arms around his neck and muttering something about him being an idiot. Despite himself, Alec chuckled, hugging his sister back and knowing that they were likely about to walk into yet another storm at home. "I have to go do one last thing before we go home," he said as soon as Isabelle let go of him, making his way toward the room where he'd left Max.

The fact that there were Downworlders in the hallway surprised Alec only long enough for him to pause ever so slightly. "Raphael got them under control for us and explained to them what Valentine was doing," Isabelle explained as she followed Alec down the hallway. "Clary is with him and they're taking care of Simon," Isabelle continued, answering Alec's next question. Alec quickly used a rune to unlock the door to the room he'd left Max in, ignoring Isabelle's questions as he went to the boy. Max hadn't moved since Alec had left him there, and Alec couldn't even begin to imagine just how scared the boy had been.

Yet to Alec's surprise, the boy had reached out for him the moment Alec had asked if it was okay if Max came home with them. He had no idea of what he was going to do with the child, but he knew that Catarina would likely have an idea of what to do, and that was enough for Alec. "You're hurt," Max said, surprising Alec ever so slightly. The boy was reaching out toward a shallow cut on his upper arm that Alec had received from Valentine. Before Alec really knew what was going on, Max was smiling up at him, the wound completely erased from Alec's skin. "All better," Max said, clearly proud of himself. Alec couldn't stop himself from smiling despite the fear that was rising within him. He wasn't entirely sure that a warlock so young should be able to do magic in this way, but that was another thing to bring to Catarina and Magnus. At least it would be if Jace had made it in time or if the Circle hadn't completely destroyed the Institute.

.

.

.

As soon as they'd made it into the Institute, Isabelle offered to take Max and find Catarina, something that Alec was utterly thankful for. She just nodded as she took Max, as if to say that she understood just how worried he was. Despite the fact that Alec's entire body was beginning to shut down as it usually did after a large battle, he ran through the Institute at full speed, headed straight for the infirmary. To his immense surprise, Jace was standing directly outside of the closed infirmary door, almost as though he was afraid to go in. It was then that Alec heard the screaming, and he immediately pushed past Jace and into the infirmary.

"You do realize that this is your fault, correct?" his father was saying, something that only worked to confuse Alec further. The first thing that Alec noticed was that his mother, though she seemed physically fine, had been crying. The next thing he registered was that his father had been directing the question toward Magnus who was now on his feet once more, a fact that allowed Alec to breathe easily once more. But then Alec saw the tears that were silently streaming down Magnus's face and he was put on alert once more as he realized that he had never before seen Magnus cry. Yet the scariest part of this was the fact that Magnus otherwise seemed completely calm, his face expressionless. Was his father really blaming Magnus for the Circle's invasion? "You will be punished accordingly," Robert finished, this time prompting Maryse to speak up.

"Robert, stop this," she said, her voice much stronger than Alec had expected it to be. It was then that Magnus finally risked a glance in Alec's direction, and he immediately moved to stare at the floor, clearly too upset to so much as met Alec's eyes. "Magnus did everything he could," she pleaded in a way that was very much unlike the woman Alec was used to seeing. "You can't possibly blame him for this, Robert. You're overcome with grief, and even the Clave will be able to see that." Robert turned on Maryse faster than Alec would have thought possible, and for a moment, Alec was afraid that his father was going to hit his mother. Alec's hand immediately went to his seraph blade, but he relaxed when both of Robert's hands remained at his sides.

Alec was entirely confused, and Magnus was still looking down at his feet, offering no explanation as to what they were all fighting over. "Just because you, Maryse, are easily able to accept the fate of death for those you love," Robert said, his voice the kind of icy calm that scared Alec more than anything else his father did. "That does not mean that the rest of us give up so easily or behave in the same manner." Alec was glad when his mother asked what Robert was talking about because that was the very same question that Alec wanted to ask for himself. "Did you ever even grieve for Benjamin or was he just another rung in the ladder that you stepped on on your way to power?" Robert asked, this time causing Magnus to look back up at them out of surprise. "Don't look so surprised," he continued, his voice full of a bitterness Alec had never heard before. "I'm the king, Maryse; did you honestly think that I didn't know about the two of you?"

Alec's heart broke as he watched his mother try to make sense of what was going on. He wanted to step in, but he knew that doing so might only make things worse considering just how angry his father was with him at the moment. "Benjamin didn't die in the Uprising," Robert continued, and this time, Maryse took a step back from him. "Not that you ever bothered to so much as make sure that was the truth. I had him thrown into the Silent City after our marriage," Robert said, his voice just as calm and matter-of-fact as it might have been if he was reporting the weather. "I had to make sure he wouldn't cause us any problems, and because you never seemed to bat an eye when I told you he was dead, he's been down there for twenty years or so." Alec wanted to step in, to tell his father that the only person at fault here was him, but Robert stormed out of the infirmary then, leaving Maryse behind looking like she'd seen a ghost.

Before Alec could move to comfort his mother or even being to help her make sense of the situation, Maryse turned to leave as well, her strides slow but purposeful. She looked far more calm than Alec knew she really was; he could see the pain in her eyes and he knew better than to try to stop her in that particular moment. So as soon as the door shut once more, Alec launched himself into Magnus's arms, unable to resist any longer, unable to control his relief enough to stay away from the other man. "I'm so sorry," Magnus said, speaking into Alec's hair. Alec looked up at him then, entirely confused as to why he would have anything to be sorry for. "I tried everything I knew to do, Alexander; I swear that to you."

Alec moved to hug Magnus tighter, and that's when he realized why Magnus was standing beside of the bed he'd been laying in earlier. There was now a body where Magnus had once been, carefully wrapped up in a white sheet. It was then that Alec let go of Magnus, reaching down to lift the sheet away from the body. Magnus reached to stop him, his touch incredibly gentle. "Alexander, don't do that to yourself, please," he pleaded, his voice so soft that it almost hurt Alec to hear it. Yet Alec needed confirmation despite the fact that there was only one person who had been in the Institute that night who was that small. He needed to see it for himself, to see that what he already knew was true, to make it real enough that he couldn't deny it was happening. But he knew he would later thank his lucky stars that Magnus didn't let him lift the sheet off of his little brother's body. It was then that Alec fell back into Magnus's arms, his own tears beginning to come in earnest, unable to control his pain when he was powerless to block out the sound of Max's laughter or the image of Max's smile, two things he realized he would never experience again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me through this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! There's going to be *at least* one more chapter, if not two! Let me know your thoughts! There's a huge reveal in this chapter that I quite enjoyed!

Alec had spent the week following the fight with Valentine almost exclusively with Magnus, and yet he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. The night after the fight, Alec had tried to stay at the Institute and deal with the aftermath of the entire situation, but he’d been unable to sleep until Magnus had texted him asking if he wanted to come over. So Alec has spent the week going back and forth between Magnus’s and the Institute, his heart breaking over again every single time he walked through the Institute’s doors. Alec had never really realized just how much he’d come to expect a greeting from Max every time he came home. But now the Institute felt utterly empty without his little brother, and Alec wasn’t sure he’d ever adjust to this kind of life.

 

Each day was like opening the wound again, the entire situation made worse by the fact that it generally took around two weeks after death for the Clave to conduct a royal’s funeral. So every day, Alec had to deal with helping to plan Max’s funeral, and he felt as though there was no end in sight. His mother had finally put her foot down that morning, forcing the Clave officials into setting the date, giving them only four more days. Four days that Alec knew would be more painful than he could imagine at the moment. And it was for all of these reasons that Alec found himself all but running back to Magnus’s each night, a weight lifting off of his shoulders every time he opened the door. 

 

The first night Alec had stayed with Magnus, things had been terribly awkward, as if Magnus didn’t want to overstep himself, as if he still blamed himself for Max’s death. So as soon as they’d woken up the very next morning, Alec had sat Magnus down, compelling the other man into talking about exactly what had happened that night. “If it hadn’t been for Lydia, I would be dead right now as well,” Magnus had explained. Apparently Lydia had been at the Institute earlier that day on some sort of Clave business for her father, and when she’d realized that she’d forgotten a paper on Robert’s desk, she’d come back to retrieve it. Several Circle members had planned on torturing Magnus before killing him while forcing Catarina to watch, and Lydia had only been made aware of this from Catarina’s rather loud protests. 

 

Yet even Lydia’s successful rescue of Magnus and Catarina hadn’t been enough to save Max. Through more tears than Alec ever would have thought possible, Magnus had explained that Max had promised to protect him at all costs. Max had known how impossible it would have been for Magnus to so much as stand, much less fight, with so little energy left. So the little boy had picked up a seraph blade that he’d hardly known how to use and took a stand against the Circle members who had found this quite amusing. Magnus had explained that the Circle member who had killed Max had really only meant to knock him out, as they had become annoyed with him and his efforts to protect Magnus. But the man had hit Max much harder than needed to knock out a child as he was used to fighting adults and demons. 

 

Alec didn’t need Magnus to tell him to know that he had been trying everything in his power to get out of bed and help Max. But if there was one thing Alec had learned in life, it was that sometimes a person’s best simply wasn’t enough, a fact that helped him easily forgive Magnus for what had happened. Eventually, just as Alec had known it would, their conversation had turned into talk of what their relationship would look like from this point on, or at least what they both wanted it to look like. Alec had only made it about a quarter of the way through what he had wanted to tell Magnus in regards to the fact that he wished to fight for their relationship no matter the consequences. Then they’d been interrupted by warlock Max, who they’d agreed to keep until they could find a family worthy of loving a child like him. 

 

So needless to say, Alec found coming home to Magnus’s to be the most relaxing and enjoyable part of his days. Despite the child’s name and the fact that he was still weary of them, Max seemed to bring Alec more joy than he would have thought possible given the circumstances. In caring for the child, Alec began to promise himself that he would find a family who could love Max just as unconditionally as Max seemed to love those around him. Just when Alec began feeling as though he couldn’t push through the day any longer, it was Max who was there with a smile on his face and something kind to say. Yet all throughout the week, there had been one thing almost constantly nagging at his mind, and it was this particular thing that kept Alec at the Institute longer than he cared to be that day.

 

Alec followed his mother into the library after asking to speak with her, unable to contain his curiosity any longer. He hated doing this to his mother because he could see just how tired she was, her shoulders already drooping in a way that told Alec she was simply ready to go to sleep. But then she spoke up, and Alec realized that his mother was simply worried about him at the moment.. “What’s going on?” she asked, her voice clearly strained at the thought that yet another thing might be going wrong. “Is something wrong? Are you alright?” Alec held up his hand, trying to give his mother the most convincing smile possible. Up until this point, he hadn’t really considered the thought that she might have spent the past week worrying about his wellbeing, and he suddenly couldn’t help but feel guilty for all the time he’d spent away from the Institute.

 

“I’m absolutely fine,” Alec replied despite the fact that this wasn’t entirely true. There wasn’t anything currently going on with him that he couldn’t handle or that his mother needed to worry herself with. “I just wanted to ask you something for curiosity’s sake more than anything else,” he continued, waiting for her to nod before speaking again, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. “It’s been a week since you found out that Benjamin is alive, and I know it’s none of my business, but why haven’t you gone to get him from the Silent City yet?” he asked, trying his best to keep from overstepping himself. “You don’t have to answer that; I was just curious,” he finished, worried that his mother would think he was judging her when that was the last thing he would ever do to her.

 

Alec was slightly surprised when Maryse gave out a soft laugh, almost as though she had been expecting this question to come. “I simply don’t know how, Alexander,” she replied, her voice low in an almost desperate way. “I can’t bear to face him after all this time. He’s surely convinced himself that I left him down there to die,” she explained, and Alec felt his heart break that much more. His mother’s situation with Benjamin hit a bit too close to home, and Alec knew that she simply wanted Benjamin to be happy in the same way that Alec wanted Magnus to be happy, whether Magnus’s happiness meant that they were together or not. “I know I should go get him. He’s the last person on earth that deserves to be down there, but I can’t bring myself to do it.” 

 

For several moments, silence stretched out before them, but then Maryse spoke up once more, her words surprising Alec more than he would have thought possible. “While you’re here, there’s something that I need to make you aware of,” she said, taking a deep breath as though she was preparing herself for what was to come next. “I am planning on leaving your father,” she finally said, her voice unsure as if she was trying to convince herself that this was true. “I’ll be going to the manor my parents left in Idris as soon as we have Max’s funeral.” Alec wasn’t quite sure of what was going on. Over the past few days, he’d often wished that his mother would get the courage to leave his father and find happiness elsewhere, but he had never imagined that she would actually do so. 

 

Maryse laughed once more, and Alec realized that he had been unable to keep his surprise off of his face. “I can’t be with a man who has treated his children the way he has treated you, Alexander,” she explained, further surprising Alec with her reasoning. “To do what he has done to Benjamin is one thing, but to do everything that he has done to you is something else entirely, and I can no longer tolerate it. Every day that I remain here feels like another day that I am telling you that I condone what he has done and said to you.” Alec began shaking his head, automatically registering just how absurd that sounded as that was the last thing he would ever think about his mother. She smiled back at him as if she’d expected him to do that, but it didn’t seem to help her guilt any at all.

 

“I informed both Isabelle and Jace that they are free to either stay here or come with me,” Maryse continued, her voice much lighter now that she had gotten this off of her chest. “You’ve seemed rather comfortable at Magnus’s this past week, so I was considering telling you after I had left. I wanted you to know, but I don’t want this to keep you from continuing on as you normally would have,” she said, and Alec couldn’t help but smile. Even in the midst of her own pain, his mother was doing her best to look out for her children. She clearly simply wanted them all to be happy, and Alec hoped she could see just how much they wanted her to be happy as well.

 

There wasn’t much left for either of them to say after that, so Alec excused himself and left his mother to rest after explaining to her that he understood what she was saying. He understood it, he just didn’t particularly agree with half of it. He certainly agreed that her separating from Robert was in her best interest after all that had happened. But Alec couldn’t keep himself from wondering what Benjamin would really think of Maryse once he knew the entire situation. As much as Alec respected what his mother was doing in leaving Robert, he couldn’t help but wish that she would act when it came to Benjamin, if at least for the chance that she might finally be happy.

.

.

.

Alec couldn’t help but smile as he and Magnus waited outside the Silent City for the Silent Brother Magnus had contacted to come let them in. Magnus was clearly annoyed, something that he had made very known to Alec, and he was continually wrapping his jacket tighter around him, trying to hint at Alec that it was incredibly cold outside. Magnus’s brows furrowed in confusion as he spotted Alec’s smile. “Cold?” Alec asked as he stepped over to wrap his arms around Magnus from the side. He was happy to see that Magnus’s annoyed expression finally melted into one of happiness. He knew that Magnus didn’t quite agree with what was going on, but the fact that Magnus was supporting him through it was enough for Alec.

 

As soon as the Silent Brother appeared, Alec tried to step away from Magnus, but the warlock reached down to take Alec’s hand, clearly unphased by the Silent Brother standing before them. “Thank you for meeting us on such short notice, James,” Magnus said, slightly confusing Alec. Then Alec suddenly realized that Magnus had likely known Brother Zachariah before he’d become a Silent Brother, and that must have been the name he was using out of habit. Zachariah simply nodded and motioned for them to follow him into the Silent City, and Alec couldn’t help but hesitate. He suddenly began second guessing himself, wondering if he was doing the right thing in coming here like this. Magnus squeezed his hand, and Alec could tell that the other man was trying to show his support for whatever Alec might choose.

 

But Alec stepped into the Silent City despite his reservations, knowing that he had to at least do what was right. His mother had absolutely no idea of what he was doing, and if she found out, Alec knew she would likely be angry. But at the very least, Alec had to release Benjamin. Whether or not Benjamin wanted to see Maryse again was up to the werewolf, but Alec couldn’t go another day knowing that an innocent man was imprisoned simply because his father had gotten it in his head that he himself would be happier with Benjamin in jail. Up until this point, however, Alec hadn’t really thought of what he was actually going to say to Benjamin, and he found himself becoming increasingly nervous as they neared the prison section of the Silent City.

 

At long last, Brother Zachariah pointed toward the cell that apparently held Benjamin, and it was then that Magnus let go of Alec’s hand. He clearly wanted Alec to begin this endeavor alone, so Alec took a deep breath and reached for the lantern that Brother Zachariah was offering to him. Without the lantern, Alec knew that the prison would have been completely dark, not a single ray of light to be found no matter where you looked. He slowly approached the cell, not wanting to blind Benjamin with the light as Alec knew it would be a shock to see light after being immersed in darkness for so long. Yet the man staring back at him seemed completely unphased by the light, and as he stood from his cot, Benjamin looked much more fierce than Alec would have ever expected.

 

The first thing that Alec noticed was Benjamin’s eyes; they were a shade of hazel so light that they were utterly captivating in the darkness of the Silent City. And they seemed to be the only bright thing about Benjamin. Alec could tell that his hair had once been a very dark black just like his father’s, but the only way Alec could describe it now was a sort of salt-and-pepper coloring, the gray clearly brought out early from the stress of life in the Silent City. Yet the most curious thing about Benjamin was the look on his face, a look that Alec almost wanted to label as defiant. “I would bow to my king as I was taught as a child,” Benjamin said, his voice rough and dry as though he hadn’t spoken in a long time. “But I find myself incapable of bowing to a man I cannot respect,” he finished. Alec simply looked into the cell at the man before him, entirely confused as to what was going on. 

 

The last thing Alec wanted was for Benjamin to bow to him, and he had no idea why Benjamin thought otherwise. At least he had no idea until Magnus stepped into the light and spoke up. “May I just clear things up for a moment?” Magnus asked, clearly not expecting a response from either of them. “This is not our dear King Robert. And despite the fact that he does look startlingly like his father,” Magnus continued, moving to place a hand on Alec’s arm. “I can assure you that the man you are looking at is quite the opposite of his father in every way other than looks,” Magnus finished. They both simply waited for Benjamin to process this, knowing that it must have been utterly confusing for the werewolf to suddenly be forced to acknowledge just how long he’d been imprisoned. 

 

Very slowly, Benjamin seemed to grasp this, yet his next question was not the question Alec had been expecting. “Am I safe in assuming that you are also Maryse’s son?” he simply asked, his voice void of any emotion that might give away how he actually felt about the situation that had so suddenly presented itself. All Alec could do was nod, quickly explaining that they were there to release him after finding out that he was still alive. Alec tried his best to explain that no one aside from his father and the Silent Brothers had been aware that he had been alive all these years, but even he could see the suspicion in Benjamin’s eyes, and he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Benjamin for that. “I understand that you’re here to release me,” Benjamin said at last, his voice growing stronger with every word he spoke. “But why is Magnus with you?”

 

Alec knew he shouldn’t have been surprised that Benjamin and Magnus had known one another, not when he’d gathered from Luke that Benjamin had once been the leader of a very prominent werewolf pack. But it still made him feel slightly nervous to find this connection between the two of them. “Magnus came with me because he and I are dating,” Alec replied, trying to keep his voice as even as possible, knowing that Benjamin likely wouldn’t believe him at first. Not when his father was a man who so clearly thought of Downworlders as beneath him. Not when every royal family member had likely felt the way Robert felt for years before Alec had even been so much as thought of. 

 

Eventually, however, Benjamin’s eyes seemed to soften and he began chuckling, clearly finding the thought of Robert’s son behaving in this way very amusing. “And your father approves of this?” he asked, his voice betraying the fact that he already knew the answer for himself. It was then that Benjamin began to smile for the first time since Alec had approached the cell, and it was then that Alec realized he was doing the right thing. Despite everything doubt that he had in his mind, he knew that freeing an innocent man was worth it all, especially when he was freeing someone his father had felt the need to imprison in the first place.

 

“No, he doesn’t,” Alec replied, a smile of his own forming without any effort as Benjamin began laughing in earnest. Alec looked over to see that Magnus was also smiling, and he finally began to understand the weight of their relationship and what it really meant for Alec to defy both his father and the Clave in this way. “But I am beyond caring about what a man such as my father thinks of anything I do,” Alec continued, hoping to show Benjamin whose side he was really on. “Especially when it comes to who I decide to share my love with,” Alec finished, allowing the silence to stretch out before them. It was no longer an uncomfortable silence, and Alec was thankful for that, knowing that his relationship with Magnus was what had formally broken the ice between them. 

 

“My next question is this,” Benjamin finally continued, this time turning his attention toward Magnus. “Where is _my_ child?” he asked, and Magnus automatically became far more nervous than Alec had ever seen him. Although Alec had to admit that he likely wouldn’t have noticed Magnus’s nerves if he didn’t know Magnus so well. The warlock suddenly refused to meet Benjamin’s gaze, and his grip on Alec’s arm tightened almost involuntarily, as though he was trying to steady himself. Alec tried to catch Magnus’s eyes and question the warlock himself, but Magnus wouldn’t meet his gaze either, and Alec began to wonder what Magnus was hiding. 

 

“We’re here to get you out of this wretched place, Benjamin, and then you can go from there,” Magnus replied, his voice softer than Alec had ever heard it, as though he was afraid of messing something up. Yet Benjamin seemed to have been expecting this, as he moved closer toward the bars of his cell, interrupting Magnus with the demand that he explain where his child was. They went back and forth for a few moments before Magnus’s nerves finally seemed to get the best of him. “We are not here to talk about Gabriel,” Magnus blurted out, and he immediately pressed his lips together, his eyes widening as if he knew he’d said the wrong thing. At first, Alec didn’t register what was going on, but then the pieces began to fit together in his mind, and Alec realized why Magnus looked so terrified of the words he’d just spoken. 

 

Alec wanted to curb his anger, but in the midst of the moment, he couldn’t seem to find it in himself to do so. Magnus apparently knew a lot more about Gabriel than he had first cared to admit, and Alec felt the anger and hurt rising up inside of him. But then Alec looked back at Magnus’s expression, and he realized that this situation was going to be much harder on Benjamin than it ever would on Alec. At least Alec already knew what had happened to Gabriel. Eventually, Magnus seemed to gather himself enough to continue, sighing before turning back to Brother Zachariah. “James, could you let us into the cell, please? I think this would go better if we were all sitting down.” Once inside the cell, Magnus sat on the cot beside of Benjamin, but Alec remained standing, still too shocked at the turn of events to really do much of anything. “Please allow me to start from the beginning,” Magnus said, clearly wanting to cover all of his bases with the both of them at once.

 

“I don’t pretend to know the full story, but over time I think I’ve connected enough of the pieces to understand what happened,” Magnus continued, his eyes pointed toward the floor as though he might lose his will to continue if he looked at either of the men before him. “From what I gathered, the first few years of Robert and Maryse’s marriage were rocky to say the least.” Magnus held up his hand as Benjamin began to ask what this had to do with Gabriel, indicating that they would get there eventually. “They were absolutely overjoyed when they first got pregnant about two years into their marriage. But that all changed as soon as Maryse had her first miscarriage.” This came as no surprise to Alec, but it was clearly something that Benjamin hadn’t been expecting. 

 

“Maryse had always been good friends with Ragnor Fell, and after that first initial miscarriage, she began talking to him about the possibility of faking a pregnancy and adopting a baby,” Magnus pushed on, his words slow and unsure, almost as though he was hoping to explain this in the best way possible. “She once told Ragnor that Robert was growing angrier with every passing day, and she was becoming increasingly worried that he would become violent if she failed to produce an heir.” Alec winced at that, praying that this was one thing Magnus knew the full story on and that his father had never become violent. “From what I can tell, it was between Maryse’s first and second miscarriages that Robert threw you in here,” Magnus said, finally lifting his eyes to look at Benjamin. “He seemed to have found out about your love for Maryse and had become so afraid that she might go back to you that he thought his only solution was to get rid of you entirely.” 

 

It was then that Magnus began wringing his hands out, and Alec knew he was becoming increasingly nervous about having to tell Benjamin of Gabriel’s death. “Two months after your imprisonment, your son, Gabriel, was born. Another month later, the Uprising occurred which gave Robert the perfect excuse to tell Maryse that you had died by Valentine’s hand.” Alec was becoming slightly confused as to how all of this fit together, but he remained silent, saving all of his questions in case Magnus explained them later. “As you and I both know, about another month after the Uprising, Gabriel’s mother, Elizabeth, was killed by demons,” Magnus explained, pausing to explain to Alec that Elizabeth was a Shadowhunter which would have dominated in Gabriel, making him a Shadowhunter as well despite his werewolf father.

 

“When Ragnor heard of this, he immediately gave Maryse the option of adopting Gabriel,” Magnus admitted, his nerves almost getting the better of him. It was then that Alec finally went to sit beside of the warlock, placing a hand over Magnus’s and willing the other man to understand that their love would win over the bit of betrayal that Alec was currently feeling. “Maryse eventually talked Ragnor into telling her whose child Gabriel was, and from that moment on she loved him as though he was her own. And to my knowledge, she never made Robert aware of this.” Magnus was silent for a moment, but then Benjamin spoke up to once again ask what had happened to Gabriel, and Alec was surprised when Magnus turned to him. “I think you’re the best person to explain that, Alexander.”

 

For a moment, Alec didn’t know what to do. He had never been good with words in any way, and he knew that he was likely the last person anyone should pick to try to explain anyone’s death. “Gabriel was my brother,” Alec began, trying to keep his voice void of any of his own emotions. “When I was ten we were captured by Valentine, and Gabriel did nothing the entire time other than protect me. He was the bravest person I’ve ever met,” Alec said, pausing to allow Benjamin to process what he was saying. At long last, there werewolf finally met his eyes, the question lingering in his own expression. “Though Gabriel died by Valentine’s hand, he died bravely,” Alec finished. He wanted more than anything to tell Benjamin of just how much his son had cared for Magnus through their entire time in captivity. He wanted more than anything to let Benjamin know just what a selfless and kind man Gabriel had been, but he knew this wasn’t the right time for that.

 

They sat in silence for several minutes, both of them knowing that Benjamin would not easily recover from a shock such as this. Magnus moved to intertwine his fingers with Alec’s, a silent apology for the things that he had kept hidden. Alec gave Magnus’s hand a gentle squeeze, hoping that the warlock understood that, though they would still talk about this later, Alec had already forgiven Mangus for everything he’d first been angry about. When Benjamin told them that he simply wanted to leave, Alec couldn’t help but stop him for just a moment. “I understand that you’re upset and hurt, and I know that you must be experiencing almost every emotion possible at the moment. And I know that I have no right to ask you for anything,” Alec said, hoping that he wasn’t overstepping himself. 

  
“But please let me just ask this one thing of you,” Alec continued, attempting to hide his own pain at the moment. “If you wish to see my mother again, that’s your business and I have nothing against the thought that the two of you might be happy again.” Alec was thanking his lucky stars that his hand was still in Magnus’s, knowing that it was almost the only thing keeping him upright at the moment. “But my mother just lost yet another child on top of discovering that you are alive and leaving my father. She’s hurting and grieving right now, and with Max’s funeral just three days away, I’d just like to ask that you wait to see her until after that. I know that you still love her; I can see it in your eyes. But for her sake, please don’t do anything that might turn Max’s funeral or the time leading up to it into an ordeal that we cannot easily escape.” At that, Benjamin simply nodded and motioned for them to leave the Silent City. Alec had no idea what the days to come might hold, but he had the feeling that, despite Valentine’s death, things were far from over. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! I am so deeply sorry that it has taken me so long to update absolutely any of my stories. The end of this semester was absolutely horrible, and though I tried to write a little every night, a little is simply not enough to put together the ending of a story. That being said, I am going out of town for a week starting tomorrow, so I will be gone a little long, but then I hope to be back for real!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy the ending of this story! I feel like this is the longest story I've written, and I know it's definitely one of my favorites! Please come let me know how you feel about it, as I would love to hear from you all!

"Anything I can do?" Magnus asked, peeking his head into their bedroom as Alec got ready for their trip to Idris. Alec simply shook his head, not trusting himself to speak, knowing that his voice would betray every single emotion he was currently experiencing. There was only one thing in the world that Alec wanted at the moment, and he knew it was something that no one could ever give him. In that moment, he would have given absolutely anything to have even ten more minutes with his little brother. So Alec simply continued packing without saying a word, not at all surprised when Magnus moved to his side.

Alec first expected Magnus to speak again, knowing that Magnus simply wanted to help in any way he could. But Magnus simply walked to Alec's side, reaching to help Alec pack the clothes he had placed on their bed. They'd spontaneously decided to stay in Idris for a few days after Max's funeral, staying at the Trueblood manner with Maryse's permission. Alec knew that his father would never allow any Downworlder to stay in any of their houses in Idris, but he hadn't had to worry about that very long when his mother had offered the use of her own manner, something Robert didn't have any rights to. "You know I love you, right?" Magnus asked, and Alec couldn't help but move to cross his arms, causing Magnus to smile. "I'm taking that as a yes," Magnus said, answering his own question.

The only thing that Alec knew to do was to finish getting ready, feeling the energy drain out of him almost as quickly as it had come to him. He picked up his tie, but he soon realized that his hands were shaking so badly that he was entirely incapable of tying the tie himself. The more he tried, the more it made him aware of the fact that he was certainly not capable of this simple task, and the more frustrated he became. All he wanted was for his hands to stop shaking because he was highly aware of the fact that Magnus was watching him with open pity, and it was the last thing that he wanted at the moment.

Alec knew that the more he struggled with the tie, the worse it would become, but that didn't seem to change anything. But before Alec could figure out what to do with the tie, Magnus moved to stand in front of him, taking hold of Alec's hands and putting them down at his sides. Without saying a word, Magnus reached up to tie Alec's tie in several swift motions before leaning forward to quickly kiss Alec's forehead. For a moment, Alec was completely frozen in place, the kindness and genuineness of Magnus's actions making him more emotional than he would have first thought. Before Alec could really think about anything else, he reached up to wrap his arms around Magnus, all but falling into the other man's embrace.

At long last, Alec began to feel himself relax, even if the effect was slight. But he did know that being in Magnus's arms made him feel as though everything might actually turn out alright. Alec heard Max's footsteps before they heard Max's voice or saw him, and yet he couldn't help but feel his heart lighten as the little boy came to attempt to wrap his arms around their legs. Normally, Max would have had something to say to them, but it was clear that the little boy understood just how different the situation was from what he had become accustomed to in their household, how heavy the situation really was.

Instead of dwelling on that, Alec simply kneeled down to zip up Max's coat, something he'd insisted on Max wearing, knowing all too well that the weather in Idris would be cold and dreary. "You ready?" he asked, finally allowing himself to speak. Max stayed quiet, simply nodding, and Alec began to wonder if Magnus had talked to the little boy about being on his best behavior today. But Alec didn't think about that long, his mind shifting yet again as he realized that Magnus had opened the portal to Idris. Before walking through the portal, Alec grabbed Magnus's hand, knowing that he was about to walk into a storm in which only Magnus could keep him grounded.  
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Somehow, Alec found that bowing and smiling and acting like Prince Alexander was a bit easier than it normally was, and he wondered if it had to do with the fact that he felt partially absent from the present. He knew where he was, but he felt almost as though he was somewhere else entirely, as though his mind was resisting the reality of the situation. He was going through the motions in a way he never had before, and he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was as though his mind was protecting him from the situation, not allowing him to pay too much attention to the surrounding events.

When they'd first arrived, Alec actually thought that he might be able to make it through the night. Before the actual funeral, there was the obligatory "paying of respects" which Alec had come to think of as more of an opportunity for the Clave members to suck up to his parents than anything else. But Alec had to admit that it was much easier for him to avoid his father than he would have first thought. Not to mention the fact that Magnus was clearly hovering, trying to stay as close as possible and show his support for Alec while also not arousing suspicion.

So Alec had quickly found that being able to glance at Magnus when needed was just enough to keep him upright and steady. But as soon as they began transitioning into the funeral, Alec found that his resolve was quickly disappearing. Downworlders were allowed to attend the funeral, but they were restricted to a particular area that was, naturally, as far away from the royal family as possible. So Magnus and Max had been forced to separate from him, and Alec was almost certain that he could physically feel their absence. He knew that even catching a glimpse of them at this point would be impossible, as they were standing directly behind him at the back of the room, and turning to see them would be extremely obvious.

In the end, Alec stood beside of Isabelle, as far away from their father as possible, becoming incredibly relieved as Isabelle reached to take one of his shaking hands in her own. It didn't take long for Alec to realize that if he focused on the words being said during the funeral that he wouldn't be able to make it through. But simply blocking the words out didn't keep him from watching as they wrapped his little brother in the ceremonial white silk. Max was too young to be buried with the Shadowhunter warriors, so the Clave had decided to burn his body. At first, Alec hadn't thought much on the matter. But now that he was standing in front of his little brother, watching as the flames took hold of the pyre beneath Max, Alec knew that he had been horribly wrong.

As soon as the flames reached Max, Alec felt the world fall out from beneath him. Suddenly, there was nothing keeping him upright, and the he felt as though the last thing he could do was remain where he was. Up until this point, the entire ceremony had been a blur, but now Alec couldn't tear his eyes away from what would be the last time he would ever see his little brother. Yet just as Alec began to feel as though he would never properly breathe again, there was another hand taking hold of his free hand. At first, Alec felt himself relax, but then he turned his head to see who had come to stand with him.

As soon as Alec realized that he was going to have to look down to see who was holding his hand, his heart rate increased, knowing all too well that it had to be Max. It took one second of turning to look at Magnus to figure out that the young warlock had somehow escaped Magnus's hold, running to stand with Alec despite the fact that doing so was against every rule in the book. Alec wanted to believe that Magnus had the sense to glamour Max as soon as he'd gotten away, but it was clear from Magnus's face and the faces of those around them that Magnus had been too surprised to do so. Alec felt both anger and fear welling up inside of him, knowing that this sort of reveal would only lead to the Clave's discovery of the nature of his relationship with Magnus. But then he felt Max give his hand the gentlest of squeezes, and he somehow felt calmer.

It was almost as though the boy was reminding him that he no longer cared what the Clave or his father thought. The only thing that Alec still wanted in life was to know that Magnus was safe. His throne and his title had never been important to him, but now they were merely things that could potentially separate him from Magnus, and that meant they were almost less than nothing to him. So Alec looked down at Max and smiled as best he could, his heart lightening ever so slightly. He knew that the little boy's actions would have repercussions, but he also knew that Max's actions had come out of a heart full of love, and at the moment, that was enough for him.  
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As soon as the ceremony was over with, Alec realized that Magnus was making his way toward them, clearly on his way to apologize and make himself scarce. Alec was very aware of his father's eyes on him as he reached down to pick Max up, smiling ever so slightly at the look of confusion and surprise on Magnus's face. "Thank you," Alec whispered to the little boy as he began walking toward Magnus. "I'll handle it," he continued as Magnus finally stopped in front of him. Magnus began shaking his head, but Alec cut him off saying, "He doesn't scare me anymore." Alec began to wonder where this burst of courage was coming from, but he didn't have long to ponder that as his father came to stand beside of them, clearly not pleased with the current turn of events.

"I have no idea what you think you are doing," Robert began, his voice so icy that Alec could almost feel it on his heart. "But if you think you are going to ruin this family, I'd sooner disown you than allow you to do so." Alec forced himself to keep from laughing at his father, knowing all too well that doing so would only anger Robert further. But the thought of Robert disowning him was so absurd because all Alec really wanted was to be with Magnus. And disowning him would give him the perfect opportunity to live the life that he wanted. Yet before Alec could formulate any sort of answer, it was his turn to be surprised as yet another person joined them.

To say that Robert was surprised when Benjamin stepped between them would have been an understatement. Alec looked toward his mother to quickly realize that Benjamin had obviously spoken to her far before this moment, as she was not at all surprised to see him there. At first, Alec wondered if that was why Maryse had ultimately decided to move into the Trueblood manner, but he knew deep down that his mother would have done so regardless of the circumstance with Benjamin. "I don't think you have to worry about your son ruining your family, Robert," Benjamin said, his courage slightly surprising Alec. "You seem to have that one covered yourself."

Alec moved to hand Max off to Magnus then, realizing that things were about to change for better or for worse, and he didn't want Max to be in the middle of whichever it would be. He urged Magnus to leave then, but the warlock wouldn't budge, not surprising him in the slightest. Before Robert could respond in any way, Benjamin continued, barely catching his breath. "You have been given the most amazing family. You've literally been handed them on a silver platter. And yet you still have managed to lose each and every one of them in one way or another. So might I suggest that you turn around and simply go to the Clave meeting before all of these lovely people around you realize the very same thing."

Benjamin's voice was dangerously loud, but Alec knew that no one could actually hear him, not over the noise around them. Yet it was the tone of the werewolf's voice that told Alec that he was not messing around. He was fully prepared to expose the kind of husband and father Robert truly was, and Alec began to wonder what the Clave might actually do with their king if they realized this. But he was spared the thought as he watched his father turn around, making his way out of the room and toward the Clave meeting in the most defeated of ways. Despite himself, Alec smiled as he watched his mother take hold of Benjamin's hand, clearly not worried about the repercussions of her actions. Feeling ever so slightly liberated, Alec surprised Magnus by requesting to attend the Clave meeting as well, wondering what all the fuss was about.  
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The more Alec tried to hold in his anger, the worse everything became. He was trying to give Jace the benefit of the doubt, but at the moment, it seemed as though Jace was hell bent on making that utterly impossible for him to do. He had watched as his parabatai took the stand at the Clave meeting and revealed everything they had discovered about the nature of the royal line and the fact that the Lightwoods were far from the true owners of the royal title. What was confusing Alec the most was Jace's motives. And no matter how much he wanted to believe that Jace wasn't acting out of selfish desires, he couldn't seem to connect what was happening with what he knew about his parabatai. At least, he couldn't until Jace voiced his demands of the Clave.

"I'm telling you this for one reason," Jace said, pointedly meeting Alec's eyes for the first time since he'd taken the stand. "I have no wish to be your king, and I would like to officially transfer the royal line to the Lightwoods, which is something that I have heavily researched and know to be possible." This was news to Alec, but he continued to give his brother some slack, knowing that Jace had to have a point. "But my demand before I do so is that the Clave changes the Law to allow all members of the royal family, including the king, to marry whomever they wish to marry, regardless of their sex. Including Downworlders," Jace concluded, his words hanging heavily in the room. "Either you allow this to happen, or I abdicate my own thrown and the Shadowhunters are left without a royal line altogether."

Alec all but sighed in relief as he realized that Jace's motives were indeed completely and utterly selfless. Jace was doing the only thing he knew to do to attempt to allow Alec to marry Magnus if that was what he wished. The thought brought a smile to Alec's face, and as the room burst into noise, Alec stood up and motioned for Magnus to follow him. "What are you doing?" Mangus said as soon as they were out of the room. "Don't you want to stay and hear what they have to say?" he asked, his surprise only causing Alec to smile even more. He knew that nearly everything he'd done over the past couple of hours had been completely unexpected, but that only made Alec want to see them out even more.

"You're welcome to go back in and listen to them argue for the next couple of hours," Alec said, knowing that Magnus was already giving in. "I, for one, would like to take a nice walk, since today seems to be a mild day for Idris," Alec continued, trying to hide the fact that his smile was growing ever wider. "And I thought that the three of us might talk about more important things," he finally said, trying to make his hint as subtle as possible. The day before, he and Magnus had had a rather long conversation about whether they wanted to invite Max into their little family or not, eventually deciding that they most certainly did. They had agreed to talk to Max about this at a much later date, but the new turn of events had Alec wanting to say so much more than he had first imagined.

Eventually, they found themselves in a courtyard of sorts that was completely empty thanks to the current Clave meeting. Before Magnus could say anything at all, Alec took lead of the conversation, hoping to head Magnus off so that he could get through everything he wanted to say. "I actually wanted to talk to both of you about something very important," Alec said, wondering just where his courage was truly coming from. "You see," he said, turning to look at Max and trying to keep the smile off of his face. "Magnus and I were talking last night, and it really got me thinking about how much you mean to us."

The smile that appeared on the little boy's face was decidedly the most satisfying thing that Alec had seen all day, and he realized that this was exactly where his courage was coming from. "And what you did for me today at the funeral just reminded me more and more of the fact that you are the most amazing thing to happen to us lately," Alec continued, hoping that he was saying the right things. "So Magnus and I were wondering if you would do us the honor of becoming our family and staying with us," he finished, looking up to see that Magnus's own smile had finally replaced his look of confusion.

At first, Max seemed to be in shock, unable to say anything in response. Finally, he came up with something that he wanted to say. "You mean forever?" he asked, his expression filled with the kind of heartbreaking hope that Alec had last seen in him on the night they'd met. "You mean like you'd be my daddies?" he asked, looking back and forth between Magnus and Alec as though he couldn't actually believe that they would want such a thing. But after a couple of painfully long seconds, Max launched himself into Alec's arms, tears beginning to fall as he realized just how serious they were being with him.

As Magnus moved to hug them both, Alec continued, pushing on before he lost his resolve. "The reason I didn't stay at the Clave meeting is because the outcome simply doesn't matter to me," Alec said, registering Magnus's utter surprise at his words. "Sure, their decision will either mean that I am allowed to rule with you by my side, or it might mean that I would have to give up my throne to be with you, but that's just it, Magnus," Alec continued, hoping that he wasn't overstepping himself or saying the wrong things. "It doesn't matter what the Clave decides because, ultimately, I've already made my own decision." Alec smiled at the flash of realization in Magnus's eyes as the warlock began to understand where Alec was headed with this.

"If the Clave decides that I am not allowed to marry as I wish, then I will simply abdicate my throne and let the Clave deal with the aftermath. But no matter what happens, Magnus, my plan is to be with you and our new family," he said, glancing down at Max as he did so, almost wondering when they'd gotten to this point. "Their decision really has no weight in my life anymore. Either we'll be together as the Clave's new kings, or we'll be together as outcasts, but hear me when I say that we are going to be together." Alec wasn't at all surprised when Magnus's lips found his, and he couldn't help but smile into them as he heard Max complaining about how gross they were currently being. If there was one thing Alec knew at the moment, it was that his life had finally turned out just the way he had always hoped it would, and that was more than enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can already see the comments that will be coming, but I can't wait to hear from you all about this story! Please don't forget to leave a comment, as I would love feedback of any kind!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me through this roller coaster of a story! Much love to you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So please, please come talk to me about this fic! I am very excited about it because I've had this thought for quite a while, and I just got the guts to start writing on it about a week ago!
> 
> If there are things about this AU that don't quite make sense yet, bear with me a little as I work to get where I want to explain it all! But if you have any questions or comments at all, please let me know! You know I love hearing from you guys!


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